Top 11 Songs by Fake Musical Artists
- CJ Tiernan
- 2 days ago
- 6 min read
By CJ Tiernan
A song has the power to hit you in the face; to bowl you over. It can strike an emotional chord that plucks your heartstrings like a harp. Or, sometimes it’s just really funny. Either way, when you hear a song like that, you will often seek that song out to discover more songs by the artist. Unfortunately, sometimes that song is by an artist that doesn’t exist. They have no sprawling oeuvre because they are simply a character in a TV Show or Movie. Alas, you can’t win them all. Below is a list of my Top 11 favorite songs I've ever heard by fictional artists.
1. “Shallow” by Ally and Jackson Maine - A Star is Born
Lady Gaga is real. Technically, her real name is Stefani Germanotta, but she is very real. However, she and Bradley Cooper (triple-threat writer/director/actor) star in the movie as an up-and-coming pop star and a descending alcoholic musician, respectively. They make magic when they meet in the middle with this beautiful song. While some of the other songs in the movie are tinged with (née drenched in) melancholy, this is a raw, emotional power ballad. “Always Remember Us This Way” is also fantastic.
2. “Man Of Constant Sorrow” by The Soggy Bottom Boys - O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Only in a Coen Brothers film, could a trio of escaped convicts place a pause on running away from the law and toward buried treasure to cut a record. The song itself is over a century old, meaning it would have been relatively new at the time of the movie, but the first time I heard it was watching this movie. It is a wonderful hit and the fake beards really tie the band together.
3a. “Stand Out” by Powerline - A Goofy Movie
Powerline is a pop superstar that feels like an amalgamation of Prince and Michael Jackson, with moves like Jagger. I couldn’t decide which of his songs to put on the list, so you get both. “Stand Out” allows Max Goof to express himself and impress the girl he likes.
3b. “I2I” by Powerline - A Goofy Movie
Both songs were performed by Tevin Campbell when he was still in his teens. That’s pretty impressive for a teenager. When I was a teenager, I binge-watched the first couple of seasons of Lost and learned how to gleek. Game recognize game.
4. “5,000 Candles in the Wind” by Mouse Rat - Parks and Rec
Andy Dwyer, portrayed by the incomparable Chris Pratt, is charged with creating a song for the funeral of a miniature horse named Li’l Sebastian. He attempts to create a song that is 5000 times sadder than “Candle in the Wind” by Elton John. It’s surprising the name is a little on the nose because of how great Mouse Rat was at coming up with band names. These are, after all, the same guys that came up with Scarecrow Boat, Scrotation Marks, Threeskin, Fiveskin, and Everything Rhymes with Orange, along with countless others.
5. “Husavik (My Hometown)” by Fire Saga - Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga
Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga is a weird movie. It is so earnest, but it follows a couple musicians whom we are led to believe simply don’t have the goods, dude. But God bless ‘em they’ve got heart. They are relentless in the pursuit of their dreams and they mostly refuse to listen to naysayers. Then, we get to this incredible song at the end and it absolutely blows you away and melts your heart. While the masses may clamor for more “Jaja Ding Dong,” this song is the absolute star of the show.
6. “School of Rock” by School of Rock - School of Rock
Most of the music in this Jack Black vehicle are classic rock staples. You pour over the soundtrack and we’re talking artists like Led Zeppelin, The Doors, Cream, The Who, and The Ramones. Nevertheless, it is this song that is the culmination of the whole shebang. It is the, well it’s the title of the movie, and of the band, but it’s also the thesis of the story. It packs energy, embraces teamwork, and turns the tide on the parental sentiment (which takes a lot because just before the scene, Principal Mullins a.k.a. Joan Cusack tells them she’s “just been informed that all of your kids are missing.”) As a bonus, StickItToTheManiosis is a legendary rock ‘n’ roll affliction (like Syphilis).
7. “Let's Go to the Mall” by Robin Sparkles - How I Met Your Mother
New York news reporter Robin Scherbatsky is revealed to have been a Canadian teen pop star. It is such a satisfying turn as she is often the most buttoned up and put together of the bunch. In a world where “the 80s didn’t come to Canada until like ’93,” we get a delicious, peppy teen tune complete with maximum levels of denim and a robot. Warning: the song is an earworm. Once you teen pop, the fun don’t stop.
8. “Please Mr. Kennedy” by The John Glenn Singers - Inside Llewyn Davis
Inside Llewyn Davis is the first time I ever saw Adam Driver on screen. What an absolute treat! He doesn’t have a big role in this movie, but boy oh boy does Driver deliver. In the song, he offers what can best be described as verbal sound effects. He is like the hype man for a 1960s song. It is so wonderfully offbeat it will surprise no one that it once again is a Coen Brothers film. Those guys don’t believe in half-measures. This whole soundtrack is the bee's knees and a bag of chips.
9. “Loser Like Me” by The William McKinley High Glee Club - Glee
This is an anthem for the marginalized and disenfranchised. “Loser Like Me” is a High School clap back at bullies. It is friggin’ catchy! While Glee is known mostly for covering artists, this song is one of their first and only originals. It is seemingly designed specifically to be played at maximum volume whilst singing along in your car alone but feel free to conduct your own experiments.
10. “Gitchee Gitchee Goo” by Phineas and the Ferb-Tones - Phineas and Ferb
As a send-up of the love song genre, Phineas and Ferb nailed it with this one. Comprised largely of nonsense words, “Gitchee Gitchee Goo” is catchy and poppy and full of verve. Tragically, this was Phineas and the Ferb-Tones’ one and only foray into the pop song space. Perhaps the loss to Marty the Rabbit Boy and his Musical Blender hit them hard. But probably not. They tend to shrug everything off, like their inventions (and pet platypus) disappearing on a daily basis.
11. “I'm So Humble” by Connor4Real - Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
The Lonely Island was responsible for ushering SNL into the digital (short) age and possibly for a lot of unwanted packages in packages. They also brought forth a rather underrated comedy gem in Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. I’m admittedly a sucker for a mocumentary and for a musical. If you dare to trod where few ever have and mish-mash the two together than I’m hopping to the front of the line decked out in bells from head to toe. The Bin Laden song is also worthy of your time (and a very confusing sentence if you’re unfamiliar with the soundtrack).
I love movies and television and music. When we get to smush together multiple buckets it makes my insides all warm and fuzzy. I find it quite enjoyable to be entertained by an entertainer who is being played by an entertainer (insert mind blown emoji here). These are my Top 11ish but if you have one I missed, please be sure to let me know in the comments. I left a small list below of the ones that just missed my list. Thanks!
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