Top 11 Minor League Baseball Team Names
- CJ Tiernan
- 5 hours ago
- 5 min read
By CJ Tiernan
You know what I like about a Minor League Baseball game? It’s an event. You go to a game to do something. It doesn’t matter who is playing, if you know the players, what the record is, even which team wins. One simply gathers a cadre of friends and family and dips into the ballpark. The sinister pricing system of the professional sports teams (and theme parks and airports and …) hasn’t infected them so you can go and still come back with all four limbs (or at least the number you started with). They also go all out on the names to try and get you to buy merch. These names are wild! Below is my Top 11 List of my Favorite Minor League Baseball Team Names of which I’ve ever seen or heard.
1. Las Vegas 51s (Las Vegas, NV)
This is the only one on this list that no longer exists. They are now known as the Aviators. They changed it in 2019 when they got a new stadium and consequently broke the hearts of conspiracy theorists everywhere. I’m not clear what tie-in aviation has to Las Vegas, but it’s not as cool as having a little grey alien as your mascot (referencing Area 51 of Roswell, New Mexico fame). Such a shame. #NeverForget
2. Rocket City Trash Pandas (Madison, AL)
A Trash Panda is, according to the logo for the team, a racoon using a garbage can as a rocket. Glorious! While one may be confused on the use of the nickname Rocket City for a town in Alabama when Tom Hanks talks to Houston in Apollo 13, the rockets were apparently developed here. How about that? Not too shabby for a metropolis of 56,000 humans.
3. Richmond Flying Squirrels (Richmond, VA)
The flying squirrel is one of the coolest animals out there. Land animals that can fly are right up at the top of the list along with anything that has dragon in the name. I’m picturing the smaller half of Rocky and Bullwinkle trading in his (voiced by a woman, but is male) aviator cap for a batting helmet. Thoughts?
4. Akron RubberDucks (Akron, OH)
Often times, one names a team to inspire some level of menace and intimidation in the opponent. I’m thinking that Akron zigged where others zag. Imagine taking the field to a song by Bert and Ernie (Disclaimer: I’m not certain they actually do this). No denying: it’s unique.
5. Hartford Yard Goats (Hartford, CT)
I’ve heard of a mountain goat. If one is required to make the distinction that a goat is a mountain goat, one is led to believe there is alternate variety of goat. Apparently, much like the free-range children of a pre-9/11 society, we have the yard goat. It is given the liberty to roam the property as long as it is home by dinner time. Sweet! If I ever do a Top 11 list of animal facial hair, you know a goat is making the list.
6. Sugar Land Space Cowboys (Sugar Land, TX)
Cowboys? In Texas? Unheard of. Space Cowboys, though? That sounds dope! In fact, so does Sugar Land. It sounds like the place Willy Wonka retired to after emotionally scarring a bunch of kids and handing the keys off to Charlie in the Wonkvator. In a world where one can be a Sugar Land Space Cowboy, why is anyone doing anything else?
7. Quad Cities River Bandits (Davenport, IA)
Pirates sail the seven seas. Vikings pillage and plunder. It appears Bandits are relegated to the rivers and the lakes that your used to. For the uninitiated, the Quad cities straddle the Mississippi River between Iowa and Illinois and are comprised of the following four cities: Davenport and Bettendorf in Iowa and Rock Island and Moline in Illinois. Four cities! Stick that in your pipe and smoke, Minnesota.
8. Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp (Jacksonville, FL)
Full disclosure: I’m a sucker for an oxymoron. I’m not a fan of people saying something other than what they mean, but when you use a combination of words that seem to contradict one another, well you’re just out there having a grand old time with the English language. You go crazy! Some of my favorites include living dead, awful good, freezer burn, old news, student teacher, soft rock, random order, original copy, guest host, and plastic silverware.
9. Montgomery Biscuits (Montgomery, AL)
Alabama, you saucy minx! You got on the list twice. Not too bad for a state without any professional teams (other than the University of Alabama football progrum under Nick Saban). A biscuit is delicious, so I want to start there, but it’s also a common word used in southern colloquialisms. “You can toss yer boots in the oven ‘n’ call ‘em biscuits, that don’t make it true.” I mean, what? I know 2 things about these people: they are poets, and no self-respectin’ southerner would use instant grits.
10. Binghamton Rumble Ponies (Binghamton, NY)
I like when people use ponies in slang when talking about betting on horses. Something, something, bet the ponies. Delightful! I don’t know what a Rumble Pony is, but I do feel the Rumble part puts some sting in the Ponies part. It spices it up a little. They sound fierce, borderline unhinged, like they could do the type of damage the wildebeests achieve in The Lion King.
11. Amarillo Sod Poodles (Amarillo, TX)
Alright, so a Sod Poodle is an awesome name. We’re on the same page so far, but what does it mean? It’s a prairie dog! Those weird little ferret things that pop out of the ground in the beginning of The Lion King 1½ (Well, how about that? All Minor League Baseball roads lead to a Lion King reference). Adorable! On the logo, they have cowboy hats and everything, it’s just the best. Classic Texas.
Final Thoughts
With so many wild and crazy names in one place, you may be tempted to go out and name the next child you see something like Lazenbee or Narthex but I encourage you to leave the crazy names to the semi-professionals. If there is a name I missed that you absolute adore for its zany interactions with the temporal lobe, please be sure to add it in the comments. I’ll leave a list below of the MiLB team names that just missed my Top 11. Thanks for reading and have a great day!
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