Top 11 Movies I Quote Most Often
- CJ Tiernan
- 15 hours ago
- 10 min read
Updated: 5 hours ago
By CJ Tiernan
Over the years, my vernacular has become heavily populated with movie lines. There are certain circumstances that arise that you can more or less set your timepiece to me delivering a line from a movie, like Woody with a pull string. Off the dome, I’m remembering “Reach for the sky,” “This town ain’t big enough for the two of us,” “There’s a snake in my boot,” and “Somebody poisoned the waterhole.” In that sense, I'm a walking if-then statement. One’s youth is often labelled their “formative years.” You will find my list is super saturated with movies that were released prior to my gaining the eligibility to vote. Below is the list of the Top 11 movies I believe I quote the most. Please enjoy! I have included the quotes I use most often from each movie.
1. The Emperor's New Groove (2000)
Disney initially intended for this to be a wildly different movie. Praise the Lord for rewrites. It became one of not only the funniest animated movies of all time but one of the funniest movies period. I simply smile every time I think about the gift that is this movie. Also, Patrick Warburton’s voice as Kronk is perfection.
· Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall. Yep. Sharp rocks at the bottom? Most likely. Bring it on. – Kuzco/Pacha
· Yeah, weird. – Kronk
· Why do we even have that lever? – Yzma
· Why do they even have that lever? – Kuzco
· You know, it's a good thing you're not a big, fat guy or this would be really difficult. – Kuzco
· Seems like a pretty crucial conjunction to me – Chaca
· Is that my voice? Is that MY voice? – Yzma
· I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove – Guard
· Beware, the groove – Old Man
· Boom, baby – Kuzco
· Hey, I’ve been turned into a cow. Can I go home? – Guard
· Or, to save on postage, I’ll just poison him with this – Yzma
· My spinach puffs – Kronk
· Squeak, squeakin', squeak, squeakity – Kronk
· On second thought, make my potatoes a salad – Yzma
· No, no, no. He’s got a point – Angel Kronk on Shoulder
· By all accounts, it doesn’t make sense – Kronk
· What the… how long has that been there – Kuzco
· [Kronk doing his own theme music] – Kronk
· What are the odds that trap door led down here? – Kronk
· Smash it with a hammer – Yzma
· Kuzco’s poison, the poison for Kuzco - Kronk
2. Surf Ninjas (1993)
If you strictly adhere to critical review from Rotten Tomatoes, this is not one you’ve likely seen. For me, this is the movie I’ve seen more than any other movie ever. I love it. It was my favorite movie growing up. It is really neck and neck between this one and The Emperor’s New Groove for most quoted. My brother and I can basically quote the whole movie back and forth.
· Motosurf! – Johnny
· Kwantsu, dudes! - Adam
· Seriously, if you don't want chives, I won’t put them in. Well, I like chives bro. – Johnny/Iggy
· Just this once, I’d like to be wrong – Cop
· So where is Spain? It could be here - Adam
· They tried to make me find Spain once. I said it could be anywhere. – Johnny
· What if I lose this power? – Iggy
· It means, like, free beer or something – Adam
· Chick’s got a veil, dude’s gotta bail. If she’s afraid to show it, she’s probably not…very attractive – Johnny/Iggy
· Probably that dumb cat knocking something over. We have a cat? – Mac/Adam
· Newsflash! Your side lost! – Johnny
· I swallowed it last Tuesday. Whoa, how'd you know you were gonna need it? I swallow it every Tuesday. - Lt. Spence/Adam
· Money can’t buy knives – Iggy
· Remember the guy you said would come if we didn’t eat our vegetables? He’s here – Adam
· Our buddy Long John Silver here left the gas running. Real bright! I mean, what if the house blows up? – Iggy
· Hey, I found Waldo! Really? Psych! – Johnny/Zatch
· Colonel Chi is wise, Colonel Chi is all-knowing – Brainwashing Public Address Loop played for Prioners
· Aw c'mon! I had some moves in me too! – Iggy
· Yeah right, you never surfed a day in your life – Johnny
· We all know, it’s like a big joke - Adam
· Adam, you’re driving! Aint it bitchin’ – Johnny/Adam
· Alright, I want you to keep one eye on the kids and one eye on the… well... just do the best you can – Iggy
· Like this: they have taken him – Zatch
3. 3 Ninjas (1992) / 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994)
3 Ninjas is the oldest movie on the list. We owned it on VHS when I was a kid. The paper sleeve thing in which it was housed more or less disintegrated due to frequent consumption. I would love to go back and count the number of times someone says the word “dude.” Oh, and I’d metaphorically kill for access to the costumes. What a time capsule! I doubled up here because they are largely the same movie in my mind.
· Rocky loves Emily. Rocky loves Emily. – Colt and Tum Tum
· First we feast, then we felony – Fester
· Slurpee? Radical! – Fester/Hammer
· I won’t eat dog poop – Tum Tum
· Instant diarrhea – Colt
· We should run. We should hide. We should kick their butts. Rocky/Colt/Tum Tum
· We don't wanna hurt you, we just wanna KIDNAP you – Fester
· Freeze, Snyder! FBI! – FBI Agent
· God, I love being the bad guy – Hugo Snyder
· Let’s murderlize ‘em – Tum Tum
· Catch the ball, not the weenie – Coach
· The game is the ball – Ump
· Wait ‘til the target gets as big as a melon - Grandpa
· Nurse Shibuya will see you now – Kind Nurse
· We forgot Glam! He’s here! – Slam
· Mmm, Lemon Meringue – Slam
· Four strands of rope – Grandpa
4. School of Rock (2003)
This is, pure and simple, a Jack Black vehicle. He is perfect in this role and milks it for all it’s worth. It is an incredible comedy. Interestingly, the real Ned Schneebly is played by Mike White, (who also wrote the movie) the creator of the TV show The White Lotus. The movie was directed by Richard Linklater, who famously helmed the “Before” trilogy, Boyhood, and Dazed and Confused.
· And Cello, it’s a bass – Dewey Finn
· I’m not cool enough – Lawrence
· StickItToTheManIosis – Dewey Finn
· Math is a really cool thing. So get off your ath, let's do some math! Math, math, math, math, math. – Dewey Finn
· Excuse me: I've just been informed that all of your children are missing, so… – Principal Mullins
· This is Ned Schneebly – Dewey Finn
· Nice pipes, Tomika – Dewey Finn
· You’re the bee’s knees. The cat’s pajamas – Dewey Finn
· You’re a fat loser and you have bad body odor – Lawrence
· Step off! Step off! – Zack Mooneyham
5. Hitch (2005)
Hitch is a great Rom Com and a very funny movie. If I recall correctly, it was one of Kevin James first forays outside of playing Doug Heffernan on the The King of Queens. It may also be Will Smith’s last great movie (man, did that guy have a run in the ‘90s).
· This is home – Alex Hitchens
· I said you come 90 and then I’LL come 10 – Alex Hitchens
· Albert Brennaman – Alex Hitchens
6. Wild Wild West (1999)
Action and comedy are a perfect combination. While some of the adult humor missed me when I watched this one back in the day, I quite love it. It’s ridiculous and a ton of fun. I also had no idea at the time who Ted Levine, M. Emmet Walsh (great name!), and Kenneth Branagh were.
· I have but one request: that you aim for my heart, my heart which has loved this country so much. Shoot him in the head. – Artemis Gordon/ Dr. Arliss Loveless
· There’s something funny about that damn rope – Lynch mob participant
· Get out of my way. Get out of my way. Ooh Ess Army. Ooh Ess Marshall. – Miss Lippenrieder
· I was hoping, I was hoping… that I wouldn’t have to break your nose. – Jim West
· If we are pursuing Loveless, than why is he behind us? – Artemis Gordon
· I’m Artemis Gordon, how did you know? – Artemis Gordon
· I haven’t seen him in a coon’s age – Dr. Arliss Loveless
· I just made that up – Jim West
· Four of a kind always beats a pair – Dr. Arliss Loveless
· The butcher of New Liberty – Jim West
· Names West, James West, so remember the name – Jim West
7. A Bug's Life (1998)
Absolutely one of Pixar’s finest here. Also, the short film that preceded it was the one with the old man playing chess in the park. That was by far the best one. The cast in thing is stacked with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, David Hyde Pierce, Dave Foley, Richard Kind, Kevin Spacey, Denis Leary, Bonnie Hunt, Brad Garret, a young Hayden Panittiere, and, of course, John Ratzenberger.
· Princess Atta! Princess Atta! – Flick
· Strictly BYOB – Flick
· The bird will work – Flick
· Pretend that’s a seed. - Flick
· But it’s a rock. – Dot
· I can’t help it. It’s so beautiful - Mosquito
· I only got twenty-four hours to live, and I ain't gonna waste it here – Fly
· Bartender: Bloody Mary, O-Positive – Mosquito
· They’ll only laugh at me – Slim
· I’m a beautiful butterfly – Heimlich
· Why didn’t I think of that? Oh, because it’s suicide! – Queen
· All right, who ordered the Poo Poo Platter? – Waitress
· It's a bug-eat-bug world out there, princess – Hopper
· They come, they eat, they leave – Princess Atta
· Flaming Death! – P.T. Flea
· You’re sweet. You’re wrong, but sweet – Princess Atta
· You lied to her. You lied to the colony. You lied to me. – Princess Atta
· This is nothing compared to the twig of ’93 – Supervising Ant
· We are gonna knock them dead – Francis
· Francis, Francis, Francis, Francis, Francis – Slim
· Have you been playing all summer? You think this is a game? Well, guess what. You. Just. Lost. – Hopper
8. Small Soldiers (1998)
Tommy Lee Jones possess the vocal gravitas to play a CGI action figure that has come to life and make him menacing. This movie is delicious and fun and I hope you got to see it before your brain fully developed and muted the unbridled joy part of cerebral town.
· Mine’s GIZMO – Irwin Wayfair
· Greetings! I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites – Archer
· You put munitions chips in toys? – Irwin Wayfair
· There will be no mercy – Major Chip Hazard
· Phil? Phil? Phil? I love this song – Marion Fimple
· Greetings, Alan NowShutUp – Archer
· Alan Abernathy, (330)555-0125 – Alan Abernathy
· Whoa. Whoa? What’s whoa? No, like WHOA – Larry Benson/Irwin Wayfair
9. Polar Express (2004)
This is my most quoted Christmas movie. The visuals are heaps of fun and Tom Hanks plays nearly every adult but the movie has heart (and great songs). The key to a good Christmas movie is heart (and a Dickens-esque turn from curmudgeon to compassionate).
· Better fix that hole in your pocket – Santa
· Why, to the North Pole of course! This is the Polar Express – The Conductor
· Caribou!? – Smokey
· Hey, Hot Chocolate! – The Conductor
· The first gift of Christmas! – Santa
· These tickets... are not... transferable – The Conductor
· We got time to kill – Know-It-All
· [Honking noises at Caribou while getting beard pulled] - Steamer
10. Dunston Checks In (1996)
Jason Alexander plays a single father who manages a hotel. His two kids live in the hotel and basically get free run of the place. A five-star hotel! That’d be so cool! Also, there’s a monkey, the guy from the calypso scene in Beetlejuice, and Pee Wee Herman.
· …but until that time, you are both grounded – Robert Grant
· I’m Lionel Spalding – Lionel Spalding
· Pongo Pygmaeus – La Farge
· Lord Rutledge – Robert Grant
· Mrs. Dubrow – Lionel Spalding
11. The Master of Disguise (2002)
The Master of Disguise was…not critically well received. I saw it the summer before I started High School. My late grandfather took me and some of my siblings to see it in the theater. It was (and to date still is) the hardest I’ve ever laughed at a movie in the theater. I don’t know if I would feel differently if I saw it now, but I really enjoyed it then and wouldn’t trade that memory for anything.
· I’m going to be a master of disguise. I’m going to be a master of disguise. – Pistachio Disguisey
· Am I going to fast for ya? – Texas Man
· Am I not turtley enough for the turtle club. Turtle, turtle, turtle! – Pistachio Disguisey
· This is what you’re doing…this is what I want you to do – Pistachio Disguisey
· Crazy, Papa. It’s so crazy it just might work – Pistachio Disguisey
· You are trying to horn in in my action, aren't cha? – Pistachio Disguisey
· Brave Barney Baker – Pistachio Disguisey
· Why don’t you get away from me, Donkey? Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout get away from you? I’m making waffles – Pistachio Disguisey
I would wager that the movie lines that have become iconic over the years are often a surprise to the person that originally came up with them. You just never know what will stick with people and stand the test of time. I know my list is a very unique collection. It is the miss-matched socks of the quote collection game. And yet, I’m proud of it. It may be a weird collection but isn’t personality just a weird collection of thoughts and experiences? What offbeat, weird, unexpected movies do you quote all the time? Please let me know in the comments. Thanks! Here’s a not-so-small list of movies that just missed my Top 11.
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