By CJ Tiernan Naval gazing (which is neither a reference to a seedless variety of orange fruit nor a way of describing a look into the middle distance by a member of our aquatic armed forces) is inherently self-indulgent. To look back at one’s own work and choose which best stands the test of time is to stare in to the face of God, hold up a hand, and say, “I’ve got this, big guy.” It’s wrong. To gaze upon one’s own naval requires a mirror, which is a private, intimate thing and yet I’m holding it up here for all to see (well, not all. I’m aware of how many people actually read my lists and “all” is not accurate). Nevertheless, I persist. I’m looking at the man in the mirror, not in a Michael Jackson “change his ways” manner, but engaging in a retrospective. A riffle through the pages of a yearbook, linger by the trophy case sort of thing. After reaching 100 Top 11 Lists, I’ve gone through and ranked the ones I feel are the most engaging, entertaining, and well written. Please enjoy my Top 11 Top 11 Lists. Wikimedia Foundation, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons 1. Top 11 Condiments You know that Sam & Dave song “Soul Man” that’s featured prominently in The Blues Brothers? Picture me singing a version of that called “I’m a Sauce man.” Your boy is a big ol’ fan of condiments. I don’t delight in a drizzle or a taste either, I prefer to slather, dunk, and bathe food in my condiments of choice. Ooh, another song idea! Change Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” to “Condiment of Choice” (although it’s tough to decipher the lyrics… or even hear them at all over Christopher Walken’s dance moves). 2. Top 11 Salads My first thought is vegetables schmechtables (followed immediately by how does one spell schmechtables). I have heard grown men refer to salad as rabbit food (as a pejorative, obviously) and children often reject greens out of hand. Salad does not always conjure up the image of an ideal meal. And yet, I’ve pieced together 11 salads that I’m on board with eating over and over again. Whether as an appetizer or an entrée, the salad (much like the fake bird in A Bug’s Life) will work. 3. Top 11 90s-est 90s Songs I don’t think that we fully knew or understood it at the time, but with the benefit of almost 3 decades of hindsight (3 decades!) it’s clear the 90s were a singular time. From the fashion for function, to the “I don’t care” attitudes, the 90s were the most clearly defined era and decade of my life. The music is reflective of that. In this list, I capture the quintessence of the 90s in pop music form (with a dash of angst-riddled grunge mixed in). 4. Top 11 TV Shows Set in Schools Going to school is hard, but watching others go to school is entertaining. Which element of human psychology can adequately explain this juxtaposition? Behold the glory of misery when it’s not our misery. Obviously, the typical TV student will experience more drama than a real person because, hey, we’re working on churning out 6 seasons and a movie over here, but it can be a little cathartic to see the trials and tribulations of teens play out in front of our eyes without the stakes and stress of having to be a piece on the gameboard. 5. Top 11 Tables The idea that Top 11 Tables made it into my Top 5 is either damning evidence of a woeful list or high praise on my ability to draw entertainment from the mundane. I clearly lean toward the latter (but I couldn’t possibly be more biased). My list proves to be a little less straightforward than you’re envisioning (more alpinist, less drag race) so pull up a chair and engage in the harrowing tales of tables (Harrowing Tales of Tables is a great choice for a new tongue twister). 6. Top 11 Children’s Books I miss the simplicity of a children’s book. At the onset, you’re guaranteed a happy ending and that you won’t have to look up complicated words like philatelist or eosinophilic esophagitis (a stamp collector and inflammatory throat disease, respectively). Sure, there were some words you didn’t know (remember using the phrase “context clues”?), but you had pictures and parents to aide in your endeavors and help you if you stumbled. Plus, some words weren’t real anyway. Think of all the words that Dr. Seuss made up like nerd, and Sneetches, and The Lorax. That Dr. Seuss, man. One of one. 7. Top 11 American Sweet Foods Years of adhering to social norms have forged in me the belief that I can’t put dessert first. That being said, this list is too delicious to put last. If you are expecting to find pies, cakes, and cookies aplenty, well then, I gave this list a great title because that’s exactly what’s in store for you. Sugar: they put it on the top of the food pyramid because it’s the best! A king looking down upon its lowly serfs (or whatever the caste system was that Egypt employed umpteen years ago). 8. Top 11 Female Singing Voices When someone warbles a note with such crystalline beauty that an involuntary tear is shed, we often say they have the voice of an angel. When we picture an angel, we usually picture a cherubic, winged figure. Do NOT Google a picture of a biblically accurate angel. It is just eyes and wings all the way down. Yikes! All this is to say, the best voices among us are arresting in their resplendence and must celebrated. This list is my attempt to do so. 9. Top 11 Words Words are hard. How many expressions do we have in our feeble little language designed to articulate the feeling of not having the words we need to express our thoughts and feelings? “I’m drawing a blank,” “It’s on the tip of my tongue,” “It slipped my mind.” We even have words like whatchamacallit and thingamabob and he-who-must-not-be-named as placeholders for the words just out of reach. I have so much respect for those who know multiple languages because I only know one and it still feels like an uphill battle some days. Enjoy this celebration of words! 10. Top 11 Gen 1 Pokémon There’s one rule in Pokémon: you gotta catch ‘em all. That’s it. That’s the goal. I fancy myself as a bit of a collector. I have a handsome collection of keychains and pint glasses from my travels, as well as over 40 different editions of the board game monopoly. In none of these instances have I “collected them all.” The completionist in me is most displeased. But when it comes to Pokémon: I HAVE collected ‘em all. In Pokémon Go I got all 151 of the original generation so, you know, I’m amazing (and spend my time wisely). 11. Top 11 Movie Production Designs To err is human, to design: divine. This list honors those who have created a visual world so enticing and enveloping it stays with you long after the credits roll. From sweeping landscapes and castles of yore, to industrial space vessels and futuristic tech, the movies highlighted on this list feel real, even when they can’t be. That’s Hollywood, baby. Final Thoughts I had a great deal of fun rereading all 100 of the lists I’ve published so far. Some made me cringe but a lot them actually entertained me. I hope you felt the same (about the entertainment, not the cringe). I will leave a small list below to round out my Top 25. Thanks for reading and here’s to the next 100 Top 11 Lists! Have a great a day! Top 11 Savory American Foods Top 11 Celebrity Names Top 11 Best Supporting Actor Oscar-Winning Performances Top 11 Minor League Baseball Team Names Top 11 Presidential Facial Hair Top 11 Fruits Top 11 Movies with a Number in the Title Top 11 Dinosaurs Top 11 Game Shows Top 11 Nicknames (Non-Athletes) Top 11 State Nicknames Top 11 Birthstones Top 11 Dire Straits Songs Top 11 Hats

By CJ Tiernan During the pandemic that began in the first half of 2020, (C'mon! You remember the one I'm talking about!) I decided to try and memorize the flags for the different countries of the world. I don't really pay attention to world affairs, (that way lies madness) and History was my least favorite subject in school (to quote Rafiki: "It's in the past. It doesn't matter). Nevertheless, I wanted to become a dash more worldly wise, but in a manner that fit my vibe. I don't have all the flags memorized, but I did see all of them over and over again and started to develop my favorites. The following is a list of my 11 favorite flags. These are all of countries, I didn't include any states or anything like that. I ranked them purely on aesthetics and wont pretend I know the symbolism behind them. 1. Bhutan To quote South Park: "It's got a dragon painted right on the blade." The bright, happy colors coupled with the ornate, crazy-faced dragon is so much fun! This flag is larger than life, and I love the fun juxtaposition of bright yellow and orange with the monochromatic dragon. Bhutan is located in the eastern Himalayan mountain range between China and India. There is just a splash of China between western Bhutan and eastern Nepal. 2. Sri Lanka There is a lion holding a sword on this flag. Look at those human-like fingers wrapped around the hilt. Sick! Plus the colors on this are so fun. You've got the University of Miami stripes off to the left (Is The U back?) and then the Gryffindor aesthetic with the maroon and gold throughout the rest. I also like that this flag breaks free of the usual flag dimensions. Way to go Sri Lanka! Sri Lanka is an island nation located off the southeast coast of India. Poor India. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. 3. Vatican City Vatican City is famously the smallest country in the world, a mere 0.17 square miles located entirely within the city of Rome. As the home of the Pope, there is a clear and obvious Christian influence on the flag. There are crosses all over the place and even the keys to the kingdom of heaven or whatever are crossed. The ornate, Papal headdress is also pictured. Silver and gold keys have a regal nature but I like the clean yellow half and the blank white space on the right half as well. 4. Brunei Brunei is a small Asian country on the island of Borneo that's basically completely surrounded by water and Malaysia. The color scheme of black/white/yellow is fun here and the red in the middle really pops. I won't pretend to know what the text on the flag says but it is odd that the message is written in Arabic as the two most spoken languages in the country are Malay and English. Well, I guess the dollar bill has latin written on it and that's not one of the most spoken languages in this country (at least outside of a courtroom). The hands and wings are cool symbols and if you look close you can see a little flag on the flag. Flag-ception! 5. Montenegro Montenegro is an eastern European country just on the other side of the Adriatic Sea from Italy. It is nestled in just south of Serbia and Bosnia and Herzegovina. You know, just north of Albania. Don't pretend you can't picture the exact spot in your mind. Anyway, this flag has a double-headed eagle rocking a Flavor Flav-esque crest of a Lion on it. Awesome! The two heads are sharing a single crown, which I see ending badly but, what do I know about a unitary parliamentary republic? Did I mention the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch in the left hand/talon? 6. Saint Vincent and the Grenadines A Caribbean Island nation comprised of several islands, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines is located south of St. Lucia, west of Barbados, and north of Grenada. The Diamonds making a V-shape is a really clean and simple look. The Blue/Green/Yellow is also a great color combo. It is always wild to me when countries get mash-up names. Saint Vincent is the largest and northernmost island composing this country and the remaining part is the northern two-thirds of a string of 32 islands known as the Grenadines. However, the southern third of the Grenadines is a separate country known as Grenada (Spoiler Alert: It appears next on this list). Bosnia and Herzegovina, Saint Kitts and Nevis, São Tomé and Príncipe, and Antigua and Barbuda are other such multihyphenate nations. 7. Grenada While I was trying to memorize the many flags of the world, I attempted to create mnemonics to help trigger the name of the country by something I saw on the flag. With the country of Lebanon, for example, there is a large Cedar tree in the middle of the flag that is all green and is reminiscent of a Christmas tree. I remembered it because in the NBA, LeBron James always plays on Christmas. LeBron ---> Lebanon. Can you guess what I used for this flag? It might be a stretch to some, but the object on the left looks like flame. I saw it is as flame projectile that I extrapolated as a grenade. Grenade ---> Grenada. It is separate from the mnemonic for Montenegro, which has a holy water vessel that I call the Holy Hand Grenade from Antioch from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Monty ---> Montenegro. Sorry for delivering a tangential slice of brain cake (Tangential Slice of Brain Cake: Dibs on that as my band name!). 8. South Korea I took karate as a kid (That's right! Junior-Grade Brown, son!). It was Tae Kwon Do, a Korean martial art. This flag was hung on the wall in the dojo and I've always enjoyed the aesthetic. Each of the sets of 3 lines in the corners are meant to be elemental symbols (clockwise from top left: sky, water, earth, and fire). The white background represents light and purity, and it has a modified blue/red Yin-Yang in the middle. The real question is who had it first: South Korea or Pepsi? 9. Spain So where is Spain? It is a western European nation on the Iberian Peninsula and there's a very real possibility it's one of the first countries on this list that you have heard of and/or could find on a map. Another flag to employ the Gryffindor maroon and gold, it looks very elegant. It possess a crown-topped crest with a castle and a lion (also wearing a crown) on it and two robust pillars (also sporting crowns). It is a clean look, and it feels like they're giving out crowns like Oprah gives out cars. 10. Seychelles Seychelles (pronounced SAY-shelz) is the smallest African nation, a collection of 115 islands well off the east coast of where Tanzania and Kenya meet the Indian Ocean. It is northeast of Madagascar. I love the flag for not only the breadth of color but the way that it radiates out of a single point in the bottom corner. It almost creates an optical illusion that makes the right edge look longer than the left edge instead of appearing as a true rectangle. The country is an archipelago, which is a dope word we just don't get to use often enough in everyday life, like sesquicentennial or rhubarb (Click here to see my complete Top 11 List of Words). 11. Cyprus The Republic of Cyprus is a Middle-Eastern Island nation south of Turkey and west of Syria. It makes my list for a very fun reason. They put the actual shape of their country on their flag. The orangish-brown swordfish floating above the olive branches is the exact outline of their country, observed as it roams free in the Mediterranean Sea. What a fun and unique idea! And so much less aggressive than the decision to put an AK-47 atop an open book, as was the choice on the flag of Mozambique. Final Thoughts There are 195 countries in the world, so if you make your own list it may very well appear quite different from my own. There are a lot of very colorful ones and a lot of unique and meaningful symbolism sprinkled in. Barbados has a trident. Uganda has a crane with a mohawk (the bird not the construction equipment). Nepal has a flag that isn't rectangular or squarish (it looks like a double-peaked mountain range turned clockwise 90 degrees). There are also some flags that look frustratingly similar to others. Chad and Romania look basically identical. Côte d'Ivoire (a.k.a. Ivory Coast) and Ireland have the same flag, just mirrored. Malaysia and Liberia have flags that look suspiciously like our own. And don't get me started on Monaco, Indonesia, and Poland. In case you're curious, Jamaica and North Macedonia are the flags that just missed my list. Thanks for reading!

By CJ Tiernan Why do we love game shows? We all do. Whether we have a certain one or two that we try to catch every week or we just throw on Game Show Network and let the fates decide, we've all sat down and watched a game show on TV. In fact, now that we've reached the zenith of on-demand entertainment, we can pick and choose which ones we watch and conjure them at the snap of a finger (commercial-free). I believe that we love them for two main reasons. First, we like to play along. It's a trivia game, and we helpfully shout out answers from the comfort of our own living room with complete and total disregard for the stakes attached to getting the answer wrong. Second, we like to imagine winning. The prize at the end of the game show-flavored rainbow is sometimes a good chunk of dough. A handsome bit of Simoleons. A sweet stack of cash. We like to imagine playing, and winning, without having to bother with pesky affairs like applying to play or putting on pants. I am in complete agreement. Below, are my Top 11 favorite Game Shows I've ever seen. 1. The Mole The Mole was awesome. It ran in the early 2000s (the so-called "aughts") and featured contestants working as a team to add as much money as possible to a collective pot by engaging in various games and activities. However, one member of the team was secretly working for the producers to sabotage the success of the mission. This individual was known as "The Mole." At the end of every episode, each contestant had to take a written test on the identity of the "The Mole." The most clueless contestant on each and every test was eliminated until it was down to one person and "The Mole." It was a delightful mix of reality show and game show (generally speaking, I don't believe in reality shows, but this one worked for me). They also had a celebrity version that was the bee's knees. 2. Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Game shows aren't generally appointment television. Obviously, there are people who refuse to miss an episode of Jeopardy! or Wheel of Fortune (here in America, we call those people "retired") but, for the most part, they are viewed non-linearly. One doesn't need to have seen the previous episode to handle what is going on. Plus, any and all relevant information is usually relayed to the contestants (and thus the audience) at the top of each episode. When "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" burst on the scene, that was not the case. This thing was in Prime Time, baby, and hosted by Regis Philbin. You couldn't take your eyes off of it. You'd play along. When the contestant polled the audience you'd shout the answer at your television and call them names (or turn to the person next to you, shrug, and say "I got nothing"). It was a real treat and crafted the catchphrase "final answer?" which has full-on entered the vernacular. I'll never forget watching the first guy win the million dollars. He called his dad and said "I don't really need your help. I just wanted to call and let you know I'm gonna win the million dollars." It was such a baller move. I remember his name was John Carpenter. How many other contestants do you remember a quarter century later? 3. Figure it Out Nickelodeon actually housed a decent swath of game shows for kids. "Double Dare," "Guts," and "Legends of the Hidden Temple" were all great offerings back in the '90s. My favorite was "Figure it Out." Someone would come on and a small panel of kids would have to ask yes-or-no questions to determine their skill, talent, or achievement. It was hosted by Olympian Summer Sanders. I firmly remember frequent panel members Lori Beth Denberg and Danny Tamberelli. And again, it was on Nickelodeon, so there would be a secret action that, when a panelist committed the cardinal sin of doing whatever that action was that episode, they got slimed. Aww man. Classic! 4. The Chase This is a show I never saw in the wild. I've only exclusively encountered this one on the Game Show Network (GSN) in the break room at work. I'm unclear if it even exists outside of break rooms across America. In "The Chase," a group of 4 go head-to-head against a brilliant guy that just sits there and knows everything. He is aptly known as "The Beast" (as he's a bit of a hefty fella). He is British and wisened. Contestants decided how big of a buffer they want from "The Beast," which means how many more questions he will have to answer than them to catch up before reaching a certain threshold. The smaller the gap, the larger the prize money. It is exciting because not only does this guy seem to know everything, but he's really cocky about it. When players play timid he laughs in their collective faces. It's the tops! 5. 1 vs 100 The late, great Bob Saget hosted this one. "Do you want the money or the mob?" was always the dilemma after each correct response. As the name would have you believe, a single contestant would stand on stage and a legion of humans (100, to be exact) would digitally respond to each question from their own stadium-seated perches. The more of "the mob" you'd eliminate, the higher the prize money would grow. But, if you got an answer wrong, you left with nothing. It was a real intimidating atmosphere having to stare at the 100 members of the mob and it seemed like people crumbled pretty quickly. All the questions were multiple choice and only had 3 options. The mob was incentivized because if the contestant lost, the surviving members of the mob split the pot. 6. Cash Cab "Cash Cab" was such a unique premise. It was a sneak-attack game show. Comedian Ben Bailey would drive around New York City in an unassuming minivan taxi and, when someone or a group of someones got in, he'd flash the lights on the ceiling and welcome them to a game show. They'd have to answer questions on the way to their desired destination. If they got three answers wrong, they'd be thrown (metaphorically) to the curb and wouldn't get any prize money (3 strikes and you're out). It was a simple and fun premise. It had fun wrinkles like a "Red Light Challenge" and going double-or-nothing at their destination on a video bonus question. My favorite was they got a couple of "lifelines" and could pull over, repeat/shout the question at a random stranger, and attempt to get a helpful answer. People on the street in NYC were seemingly the least helpful group of souls around. It was entertainment gold, though. 7. Family Feud "Good answer! Good answer!" People on the show shouted that a lot to their teammates. [Grits teeth] They weren't all good answers. Thankfully, the highly emotive Steve Harvey (or Richard Karn or Louie Anderson or John O'Hurley or whoever your favorite host was) would let you know with a Jim Halpert-esque glance what he thought of the answer. The game show has a very simple premise. "We surveyed 100..." whatever group of people and the top however many answers are on the board. You just have to get them all before getting 3 strikes (man, 3 strikes again. Is baseball the foundation of game shows?). If you didn't, the other group, usually a family (hence the name) would get a chance to steal if they got any one of the remaining answers on their only guess. My favorite part was the time-crunched final portion (aptly titled "Fast Money"), wherein they'd have to respond to 5 rapid-fire queries and try to get as many points as possible between two members of the family. Sometimes they, uh, didn't hold up well to the pressure. Also, former *NSYNC member Joey Fatone was the announcer of the show for years. Weird. 8. Beast Games This is the newest game show on my list. Season 1 just came out about a year ago and season 2 gets released at the beginning of 2026 on Amazon Prime. It is highly worth your time. Hosted by Mr. Beast, (whom I'm aware is internet famous but I've never seen any of his YouTube videos) this show starts with 1000 people and, over the course of 10 episodes, whittles it down to 1 winner. A winner, who gets to win 5 million dollars. That's a hefty sum. It is an insane series of games and activities where people have to sabotage and betray alliances and friendships. It definitely has elements of reality TV, which I don't need in my life, but the games are so insane it is completely worth your time. There are also side quests that can earn people prizes. 9. Whose Line is it Anyway? "Whose Line is it Anyway?" "The show where the game's made up and the points don't matter." This is a departure from the standard game show. This one doesn't have contestants (at least not in a standard way) or a prize. Instead, they have 4 comedians and improv comics competing against each other and working together. The whole point is to the make the audience laugh. It was hosted by Drew Carey and later Aisha Tyler and 3 of the 4 contestants are usually Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, and Wayne Brady. They play with props, serve as each other's motor functions, and serenade audience members, among a bunch of other games. It is silly and extremely not self-serious. I appreciate that. 10. Jeopardy! SPC Richard F. Cancellieri, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons This is a game show staple. When you hear the words "game show," this may very well be your first thought. I quite like this game. The conceit is that the questions are phrased as answers to questions, thus forcing you to answer in the form of a question. While I consider that to be a fun wrinkle, they can be a little precious about it. It's a little uppity. I'd say the main reason that I don't rank this one higher is because it is too hard. So many questions have to do with history and literature and boring stuff of that ilk that I forgot to absorb in 10th Grade AP World History (Sorry. Speaking of "uppity," the inclusion of "AP" there feels gratuitous. Don't worry, if I also included my grade you'd be thoroughly unimpressed... like my parents were). There is, however, a lot of fun strategy that accompanies the quest for right answers (nay, questions) like hunting for "Daily Doubles" and wagering in "Final Jeopardy." The game show was also included (complete with the late, mustachioed Alex Trebek) as a pre-ride element in the now-extinct EPCOT ride "Universe of Energy," so it will always hold a spot in my heart much larger than my love for "18th Century British Literature." "It's in the past. It doesn't matter." - Rafiki - CJ Tiernan 11. Win Ben Stein's Money "You just might win Ben Stein's Money" echos the booming disembodied voice encouraging the audience to join the challenge for a future episode. In the show, the titular Ben Stein attempts to defend his money by playing as a contestant on his own show. Mr. Stein, famous for being the blandest soul alive, made buttered noodles look like rainbow sherbet. He was the one in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" that said, and I'm quoting here "Bueller... Bueller." Anyway, he was a bright fella and would strive to keeps others' hands off his moolah by playing in this trivia game show. He was kinda like a final boss for the other contestants. He started each episode as the host, and then when he shifted to contestant-mode, Jimmy Kimmel would take over and be the host of the show. It was a fun wrinkle. At the end, he goes head-to-head with the last remaining contestant (they start with 3 non-Ben Steins) by each sitting in an "isolation booth" and answering the same 10 questions. If the contestant bests Ben Stein, he wins, well, you know, Ben Stein's money (like, some of it. He didn't just wire over his entire bank account via Western Union or something). Final Thoughts There are so many game shows. Like a crazy large number. Very few give away large sums of money like "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and "Beast Games." Most are rather modest sums, making them a profitable venture for networks and producers. I really quite enjoy playing along from home. I don't harbor a particularly deep knowledge set on many subjects so general knowledge and trivia is my sweet spot. There are so many different formats that enable shows to ply you with questions, I reckon they'll never end. I'm sure I missed some of your favorites. Please let me know in the comments which game show it is completely unacceptable that I left off my list. Thanks!

By CJ Tiernan You remember that food pyramid thing? It had the 7-11 servings of grains at the bottom and then worked its way up to all the good stuff you were only supposed to indulge in with extreme moderation. Feh! What did they know (the "they" in this instance of course being the professionals who specialize in this exact area of study)? Well, the fruit was near the bottom, just above the grain and it is actually delicious (unlike its next-door neighbor: vegetables). Below is a list of my Top 11 fruits I've ever tried. By en:User:Daderot., CC BY-SA 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons 1. Strawberry While a strawberry is not technically a berry (what are you doing science? Get your house in order!), it is delicious. The strawberry is my favorite fruit, but it does harbor the elusive pursuit of a good one. It can be tough to tell from the outside whether or not it is good and red all the way through. It also works great as a flavor in so many drinks, candies, and desserts. 2. Banana The utility of a banana is hard to replicate. It can stand alone as a snack, work great as an oatmeal additive, and even operate as a sandwich ingredient (you ever eat a peanut butter and banana sandwich? It is da bomb dot com). They are a more calorie-dense food than many of the other fruits on this list, but that's because they're so good. As my diabetic friends will tell you, a banana is two choices. Also, you ever see a video of a monkey eating a banana? They peel it from the bottom! What a game-changer. 3. Pineapple Do I like it as a key ingredient in Pineapple Upside-Down cake? Why yes. Yes, I do. But, it is also a delightful stand-alone option. You can get it fresh or canned. I like how many different ways you can have it sliced when you buy it canned. It comes in chunks, rings, tidbits, or crushed. They're all pineapple, so they're all worth it. Allegedly, you can look at an unpeeled pineapple in the grocery store and tell whether or not it's ripe. Me and my hawaiian-shirt wearing brain are incapable of picking up on the subtlety at play there. By the way, shout-out to Psych (my favorite TV show of all time) for throwing a pineapple in every episode. 4. Apple How many varieties of apples are there in the world? In the US, there are more than 2500 and in the world, that number triples. That's a lot of apple varieties I haven't' tried. Maybe that means it's too low on my list and I haven't yet had the pleasure of trying the best one. I'm forced to settle for the dregs that "Big Apple" pushes to grocery stores. Then again, that honeycrisp. Aw man, that honeycrisp! It really hits. The Granny Smith is no slouch either. I thank her for her service every time I enjoy an apple pie on Thanksgiving. 5. Mango When you get a good mango, oh my word! It melts in your mouth. It is a tactile euphoria. It is the newest addition to my fruit list and, while it can sometimes be difficult to track down a good one, when you find it, your efforts are rewarded. Also, what a fun seed. Those long slender seeds look like you received an oversized almond as the prize in your mango-flavored Cracker Jack. 6. Orange I once peeled an orange in such a manner that the entire peel came off as one piece. Looking back on it, that is less a badge of honor and more an indictment on my ability to decern good ways to spend my time. But, I quite like oranges and felt compelled to handle with care. It is a citrus fruit that just conjures up energetic feelings of happiness and sunshine. Is that why they call Florida the sunshine state? It also makes a mighty fine juice. I'm a pulp man (leave your thoughts on the subject in the comments). When I worked at Target, I once had a guest ask my peer and I for some "clean orange juice." After some brief bewilderment, we realized she was asking for OJ without pulp. It's funny how the old melon works sometimes. 7. Grapefruit Going back to back, Jack, with citrus fruits! I love a grapefruit more than most, I think. I like its tangy, sour slaps to the oral cavity. And, it's pink! How fun is that? It is also good for you. (Uh oh! Weird Al reference incoming) In fact, Weird Al wrote a song about the fad of eating mostly or exclusively grapefruit (aptly titled "Grapefruit Diet"). It was to the tune of "Zoot Suit Riot" by the Cherry Poppin' Daddies. What a banger! 8. Peach I believe it was the young namesakes of The Allman Brothers Band that once encouraged America to eat a peach. They were on to something. When you bite into one of these fuzzy little doodads, the juices run down your beard (or chin, should you lack sufficient follicular growth) in a messy delight. While I'm a sucker for stone fruit such as the apricot and the nectarine, this one takes the cake. 9. Lime / Lemon I mashed these two together because while their services are not to be ignored, they aren't the type to be eaten straight up (although I do love me a lime wedge). They are a big deal in a lot of stuff, but you wouldn't go right for it, like an apple. Plus, they make great ades. Lemonade and Limeade are an absolute delight. They help with just a spritz or a zest in so many recipes they simply had to make the list. 10. Blueberry I throw these bad boys in my oatmeal. Big fan! Fun fact: there are no foods that naturally occur as blue. Blueberries are, in fact, purple. Seriously, the people in charge of naming berries really need to tighten up. The blueberry is also a fetching ingredient in muffins, scones, and pies. 11. Grape This is a throwing food. My brother and I were no stranger to throwing these across the kitchen and attempting to catch them in our mouths growing up. While our parents appreciated the attempt at a hobby and the dedication to our hand-eye coordination skills, they were less than enthused with the mess. So, we got good and stopped making a mess (except for that time we had that epic Rolo battle. We found Rolos for years and years after that). The alternative was to stop eating grapes. It was a no brainer. Also, as much as I enjoy eating grapes (and drinking white grape juice), any and all grape-flavored products are repulsive to me. A cough syrup incident when I was about 5 years old permanently removed the flavor from the menu for me. Final Thoughts Fruit is sugar that naturally occurs in the wild (after consulting the internet, it appears sugar also naturally occurs in the wild as... sugar. How fascinating!). It comes in many varieties (seriously, so many apple options) and can be used in so many things. I am not a melons guy. You may have noticed a complete and utter lack of melons on my list. Sorry, not sorry. If you are a melons guy, please let me know in the comments section below, in addition to any other great fruit options I may have left off the list. Thanks!

By CJ Tiernan There is an inherent desire, lurking in every performer, to be a star. We are drawn to the center of the spotlight, to shine brighter than anyone else, to stand out. It takes a great deal of grace (or a series of failures) to willingly step aside and yield the floor to someone else. But making a movie, as with most victories, is a team game. It takes all parties pulling the rope in the same direction to be successful. Sometimes, those supporting players do their job so well they can’t help but steal back some of that spotlight. This list is an ode to the scene stealers. Below is my list of the Top 11 Greatest Performances to Win the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor (in movies that I’ve seen). Enjoy! 1. Christoph Waltz - Hans Landa - Inglorious Basterds (2009) The opening scene of Inglorious Basterds seeps through the floorboards of your very being and chills you to your very core. It is wrought with tension and Christoph Waltz fosters a performance so riveting that it leaves you almost unable to blink. He is evil incarnate. Waltz was perfectly built for the role (not that he is evil, he just actually speaks several languages relevant to the role) and manages to be sinister while smiling. Nothing is more intimidating than being sinister while smiling. 2. Heath Ledger - The Joker - The Dark Knight (2008) The Joker is often considered (rightly so) the greatest comic book villain of all time. In fact, before Heath Ledger slipped into the purple and green, the performance of Jack Nicholson was considered the pinnacle of the role, an unreachable zenith. Ledger went for it anyway and shattered the ceiling. While known as the Clown Prince of Crime, this Christopher Nolan version played down the clown (minus the makeup) and played up the crime. He is an unbridled agent of chaos, sowing seeds of doubt into Gotham City by punching holes in its heroes (both masked and unmasked). The Joker is such a wonderful bad guy and, at least for now, Heath Ledger stands atop the mountain as the greatest performance (although the evil laugh of Mark Hamill has not yet been topped). 3. J.K. Simmons - Terence Fletcher - Whiplash (2014) How bad do you want to be great? What are you willing to endure to reach the top of your field? These are questions faced by the many students of Terence Fletcher, as he is an unflinchingly intense music instructor. He throws things, he shouts at and berates the kids in his class (college kids, that is), and he demands greatness. He meets his match when Miles Teller strolls into class and says “I want to be great” or something like that. They go back and forth throughout the entire movie, each getting in their barbs and jabs, until the movie crescendos in a glorious finale. I wouldn’t want him as a teacher but, then again, I’m not out here striving for greatness. A ‘B’ is fine. Tis a passing grade. 4. Javier Bardem - Anton Chigurh - No Country for Old Men (2007) Angela George, CC BY-SA 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons This is the fourth entry on my list, and is the third or fourth villain on the list (depending on your stance of J.K. Simmons as a villain in Whiplash). Playing the bad guy is a winning proposition for an actor (although they almost always lose in the movie), allowing a lot of room to play. There is a level of malice and bone-chilling fear perpetrated by Javier Bardem in this performance that sticks with you. He is but a man, and yet he lacks humanity. Horror movies often opt for a supernatural element or monster as their villainous presence. Making that evil presence a man, instead, is somehow so much worse. The Coen Brothers do pull their punch a little, though, by giving him the same hair style as Vogue head-honcho Anna Wintour. 5. Robin Williams - Sean Maguire - Good Will Hunting (1997) Robin Williams is, in contrast to the last guy, brimming with humanity. While most well-known for his effervescent, non-stop energy and comedic performances, he was an incredible actor with a tenderness that’s hard to match. His character went head-to-head with a genius in this one and ultimately won out because of his honesty and open heart. This movie also won the Oscar for writing (Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, if you can believe it) and yet some of the most memorable moments and lines in the movie are Williams’ improv. He had such distinct characters, that sometimes I like to imagine transposing one of his characters into another one of his movies. Imagine if Will Hunting’s therapist was Mrs. Doubtfire, or the Genie hosted morning radio in Vietnam, or Popeye sat down to dinner in The Birdcage. 6. Mahershala Ali - Juan - Moonlight (2016) Ali is only in the first act of the movie and yet his performance echoes throughout. He is as magnetic as a personality can possibly be and becomes a surrogate father to the protagonist. As a drug dealer, we have certain expectations of who and what he is, and yet he shatters almost every single one of these preconceived notions. He is kind and easy-going and takes the main character (going by “Little”) under his wing and provides for him in a way that Little's own mother is incapable of. It is such an unexpected and heartening relationship and my favorite part of the whole movie. Mahershala may be a difficult name to read (c’mon, it’s spelled how it sounds) but his performance is anything but. 7. Brad Pitt - Cliff Booth - Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood (2019) Brad Pitt has, in a word, charisma. He has an effortless charm that seemingly oozes out of every pore (but not in a gross way, which is what one normally associates with ooze). Leonardo DiCaprio (famously a great actor) plays an actor (great range!) to whom Brad Pitt is the stuntman. Putting Pitt on this lower tier is instantly an entertaining premise, but my goodness does he deliver. There are themes of aging in Hollywood (which is an interestingly self-aware topic for both DiCaprio and Pitt to take on) and friendship enduring changes, but the pièce de resistance is the ending. I won’t spoil it for those of you slackers out there but the alternate reality that the fictional characters enter with the historical figures is…wow. 8. Ke Huy Quan - Waymond Wang - Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) Part relationship drama, part multiverse epic, Everything Everywhere All at Once is one of the wilder, most genre-bending movies I’ve ever seen. You can see why it won best picture (and a bunch of other stuff). It contains multitudes, but manages to land the plane in less time than your average Marvel movie. Michelle Yeoh and Jamie Lee Curtis also deservingly won for their roles in this movie, but Ke Huy Quan has one of the more fascinating journeys here. He did very little acting between his childhood roles in the mid-80s in Temple of Doom and The Goonies and this movie and absolutely no acting between 2002 and 2021. Then, he came back with a flourish in this movie to become an absolute scene-stealer. While multiverse theory can make your head spin (and grant you hot dog fingers) and leave you with FOMO, it still seems less complicated than cancelling your cable bill. 9. Kevin Kline - Otto - A Fish Called Wanda (1988) Kevin Kline is American. That alone is not worthy of a prize (outside the grounds of the White House, anyway) but it is surprising because he always seems to carry himself with an upright regality becoming of a Brit. He has the debonair bona fides of a James Bond portrayer and yet he hails from the Show Me State. In this movie, he plays one of a small cast of crooks in a heist full of double-crosses. His demeanor once again begins stoic and upright, but little by little, develops cracks along the way. It is a fascinating descent played expertly for comedy. I love a crime comedy, but they don’t get enough love critically. It is nice to see recognition for a comic actor in a comedy. RDJ and Robin Williams, perhaps most associated in their careers for comedy, both made this list but had to venture into another genre to earn their statues. It's also impressive that for a film written by a member of Monty Python, and staring two of its members, to have a non-Python stand out comedically. And now for something completely different… 10. Robert Downey Jr. - Lewis Strauss - Oppenheimer (2023) Oppenheimer was long and (sometimes) in black and white. That is two strikes on my arbitrary movie-components scoreboard. However, Robert Downey Jr., and the scenes he was in, were the best part of the movie. I found a lot of the movie to be unnecessary (they completely wasted Florence Pugh and why the heck is Josh Peck here?) but the scenes at the end with RDJ were riveting and I don’t understand why they took so long to get there. If Barbenheimer was a contest, Barbie won in a landslide victory. Robert Downey Jr. was absolutely made to be Iron Man. He is a perfect fit and it’s a match made in heaven, but he is an incredible actor that has shown time and again he has range. This was his third nomination, as he was nominated in ’08 for Tropic Thunder and ’93 for playing Charlie Chaplin. He has now played a real person three times: Charlie Chaplin (nominated), Lewis Strauss (won), and Paul Avery (his role in Zodiac – my favorite of all his movies). I think we need more of this from him. He has the fierce gravitas to take on any and all roles. Yes, he is Iron Man. He’s also gonna be whoever else you cast him as. 11. Chris Cooper - John Laroche - Adaptation (2002) When Nic Cage and Spike Jonze team up and do a Charlie Kaufman (and Donald Kaufman) movie, you know you’re heading deep into the bonkers jungle. The guy that wrote the movie created a movie about writing a movie with himself and his own fictional twin brother as the main characters. It is such a great flick. Chris Cooper plays a fictional character in the story within the story. I don’t want to give anything away if you haven’t seen it (or maybe because it’s so confusing, I just don’t want to have to explain it), but you gotta see it. Chris Cooper, who was on a bit of a run at this point in his career (October Sky and American Beauty in ’99, The Patriot in 2000, The Bourne Identity and Adaptation in ’02, Seabiscuit in ‘03), has never been better (or worse, really. He’s just always great). Final Thoughts Some of these actors are leading men who took supporting roles and knocked them out of the park. Others are simply experts in the craft of character acting and their labors bore fruit. Whatever the case may be, they are all deserving of the Award(s) bestowed upon them and the movies are all well worth your time. If I left any of your favorites off the list (I know I tend to skew more toward the present and leave the past behind), please let me know in the comments. Thanks! Have a great day!

By CJ Tiernan It’s my estimation that when James P. Hat invented the first hat over two hundred years ago, he rested on a park bench, on a warm and sunny day, with his brow shaded, and said, “ahhh. That’s nice.” Now, I wasn’t there, I’m just guessing. Since then, the hat industry exploded. You can’t throw a stick of dynamite these days without hitting a haberdashery. Tall hats, short hats, soft hats, hard hats, there are so many hats you could put a hat on a hat (I mean, you knew I was gonna use this phrase somehow). I actually don’t wear hats that often. As you’ll see, my favorites skew toward a bygone era. Nevertheless, I’m a fan. Below is a list of my Top 11 Favorite Hats I’ve ever seen or heard of . 1. Crown Aryeh Alex, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons They say, “heavy is the head that wears the crown.” I’ve also heard it said that power goes to your head. What's the takeaway? Power is heavy. That said, I think it’s worth the tradeoff if you’ve managed to earn the right to sport one of these bad boys. Is "earn" the right word? You either get it by being born at the right time in a family of royalty or for being popular in High School. Anyway, they’re made of precious metals and righteous gemstones so they’re quite ornate and exquisite. 2. Fedora Kjetil Ree, CC BY-SA 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons The fedora is the leather jacket of the hat world: effortlessly cool and stylish but always looks better on someone else. An iconic accessory to both gangsters of yore (like Frank Sinatra) and bohemian baddies (like Johnny Depp), the fedora is worn askew on the head in a manner most perfect. It’s a style that says both, “I don’t want the sun in my eyes” and “I have no idea where my center of gravity is.” Classy! 3. Tricorne Hat Metropolitan Museum of Art, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons Tragically, this hat has fallen out of style. It will forever remain associated with two distinct parties: pirates and both sides of the American revolution. I’m not sure of the utility back in the day, but if I had one now, I think it’d serve as a great locale for secondary storage. You could put candies in there or chips and dip. The possibilities are limitless (well, technically you’ve only got three spots so, there’s your limit). 4. Top Hat Metropolitan Museum of Art, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons Here’s another hat whose sight will instantly trigger the fear you’ve accidentally time traveled. My favorite of the top hats is the one sported by the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland (with the 10/6 card tucked in the hat band. An improper fraction would be unthinkable in today’s polite society). If you’re wondering, a stovepipe hat is considered a top hat, just one with a growth spurt and no hips, so this is the hat Abraham Lincoln nestled atop his dome. 5. Sombrero لا روسا, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons The word somber is nearly embedded inside of the name of this hat, and yet it may well be the happiest of all the hats. I cannot picture someone frowning whilst wearing a sombrero. I can picture someone in one while mackin’ on fried ice cream at Chi Chi’s. I submit life would be more fun in a sombrero (also, as someone who burns easily, I need to invest in one for the golf course. Maximum coverage, baby). 6. Hard Hat רנדום, CC BY-SA 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons Safety First! (or 6th, in this case). Think about the reason that one would wear a hard hat. It’s to save the head. Like, from damage, from above. That’s wild. Construction workers, road crews, and miners all go to work at jobs that have been deemed too risky to attend without a hard hat. Yikes! Raise a glass to those all-stars! (But don’t let them look up! There’s no face mask). Also, did you know there is a color heirarchy to hard hats? I always just picture them as yellow or orange, but there are actually a bunch of different colors and they all mean something. 7. Chef's Hat (Toque) Fa. Vero, vh van Veen, CC BY-SA 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons I put the "toque" in parenthesis because I didn’t know that’s what chef’s hats were called (also toque apparently has multiple, distinct meanings). I always just called them chef’s hats. Heck, I once uttered the phrase, “the guy wearing the chef’s hat” instead of the more obvious and concise “chef.” Some have said that the pleats in the hat represent either the years of experience or number of recipes mastered. I don’t know if that’s true but if it is, there must be so many pleats inside the kitchens of The Cheesecake Factory. 8. Cowboy Hat -oo0(GoldTrader)0oo-, CC BY 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons Synonymous with Texas, a southern drawl, and country music, the cowboy hat has had the sting taken out of it over the years. Back in the sepia-toned days of the wild west, a cowboy hat was worn by men on horses, carrying guns (the cowboys carried the guns, not the horses. Although… I’d watch that movie). Now, it kinda just feels like the thing to do when you’re in Nashville for a long weekend. Still, they’re undeniably iconic. 9. Fez Édouard Hue (User:EdouardHue), CC BY-SA 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons Quick: what’s the first thing you think of when you see a fez? If it’s not Morocco Mole (the master-of-disguise sidekick to Secret Squirrel) than you and I do not park our cars in the same garage. Fun fact: Fez is actually the name of the second largest city in Morocco. I know what you’re thinking. Man, when it comes to the fez, all roads lead to Morocco. But the reality is, The Medina in Fez (or Fes) is actually an ancient walled city that is inaccessible to cars (the largest contiguous such area in the world). That’s a large number of fun facts for a small hat. 10. Propeller Hat Gabitgay, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons The propeller hat is inextricably linked to the nerd. They were (maybe still are) gifted to new hires at Google (Google and propeller hats share the same color scheme). While they lack practicality (they don’t actually allow for liftoff. Damn you, Bernoulli!), they are undeniably unique. They’re also small enough that they can cover a bald spot whilst allowing for the remainder of your luscious mane to flow free. How about that? Practical after all. 11. Witch Hat Evan Swigart from Chicago, USA, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons While not necessarily the base of power, the witch hat is an iconic piece of the wiccan wardrobe. Usually coupled with a black cloak, a black cat, and a black caldron (has there ever been a rainbow witch?), the black witch hat magically stays atop the head during flight (I guess I’ll buy that. If you can make household cleaning supplies fly, you can figure out how to keep your hat from blowing away in the night air). The hat is tall and pointy, making it a markedly different shape than all the other hats on this list. Final Thoughts Dude, there are so many different types of hats. There are tons that I left off this list that are classic, unique, or ubiquitous. This could have been a Top 111 List. Alas, that’s not what I do here. If you fear I’ve left your favorite hat out in the cold, please let me know in the comments. I’m also willing to accept compliments, if your list looks exactly like mine. Well, honestly that would be weird and shocking. Again, there are so many hats. As always, here’s a list of hats that just missed my list. Thanks! Have a great day! Jester Hat Stocking Cap Cloche Deerstalker Coonskin Cap Tam O'Shanter Baseball Cap Mortar Board Swim Cap Balaclava Pork Pie Hat Homburg Bowler Hat Santa Rastacap

By CJ Tiernan In honor of Thanksgiving this week, I have decided to create a list of my favorite American foods. These are foods that were invented here in the United States, as opposed to imported or transplanted. Some of these are next door neighbors to foods from other countries, but that's what makes America great. We are one big melting pot for global cultures. Nevertheless, it is fun to think there are some traditions that are inherent to this land (America. It's beautiful man). Please enjoy this list of my Top 11 favorite American Foods that are not dessert (my Top 11 American Sweet Foods list can be found here). 1. Barbecue - Brisket/Pulled Pork/Ribs Salt Lick BBQ in Dripping Springs, Texas In 2018, I visited my sister in Texas, as she was living in the Austin area at the time. I had the opportunity to indulge in Texas BBQ. My brain chemistry was forever altered (picture something like this) and all other foods have been, with all due respect, ruined for me. BBQ straight from the source is so transcendent. The meat melts in your mouth! It's magical. If you have the means, I highly recommend a pilgrimage. It is so choice (nay, Prime). 2. Cheeseburgers When I think about biting into a cheeseburger, my drool begins to emulate the grease and meat juice that leaks out from the bite mark. It's a glorious experience (the bite, not the drool). If you are one of the humans that has opted for anemia instead of eating meat, you are truly missing out. If you want, you could go without the cheese and enjoy a hamburger. Also, as a note, while any cheese is fine on a cheeseburger (it's your food, man, dress it how you like), I do envision the one on this list with American cheese. It just feels like it fits the theme (even if processed cheese was originally invented in Switzerland, we did the American thing and stole it and patented it here #Murica). 3. Deep-Dish Pizza Pizza is Italian. I'm willing to accept that pizza was not born from American loins. However, Deep-Dish Pizza was born and raised in Chicago, baby! They went full America and said "make it bigger! More! More! More!" I'm left to speculate there a bit on the exact dialogue, but you know what I'm not guessing at? How delish this 'za is. The sauce is the perfect mix of sweet and savory (and they put it on top!) and the crust operates as a cheese vessel. There can never (and I'll stand by this) be too many cheese vessels in this world. 4. Fried Chicken/Fried Chicken and Waffles Be honest. The second you first encountered the invention of chicken and waffles on a menu, you knew this was American. Much like Dark Helmet knew that only Lone Starr would use raspberry to jam the radar, only America would load this many calories onto a single plate. It's majestic, isn't it? I included regular fried chicken in with the Chicken and Waffles because without one, the other couldn't be included. Plus, waffles didn't start here. I assume they were wrought in Belgium, if my waffle maker is to believed, but America did its mad scientist thing, like Doc Brown turning a DeLorean into a time machine and here we have: The Chicken and Waffles. 5. Pot Roast This is the Sunday dish to end all Sunday dishes. A real set it and forget it meal. You just cook it on low and slow forever, Salt Bae some veggies in there, and you have a wonderful meal. Pot Roast is so moist and tender. It begins as a solid blob but, when done right, has no ability to maintain shape and form. Every attempt to corral a bite is like cutting off the head of a hydra, it just results in more. It is the Russian Nesting Doll of meats (actually, I take that back. That would be the Turducken, which is also American). 6. Cornbread This belongs on the ballot for the side-dish Hall of Fame. Cornbread: part corn, part bread, entirely delicious. It is crumbly, which is word we don't get to use enough. It is also sweet. There is usually some honey at play. It is the perfect side to a BBQ meal. I'm no stranger to dipping my BBQ sauce in cornbread. Scratch that, reverse it. 7. Hot Dogs I am aware that there is a debate that rages on the internet as to whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich. I will confess the debate means so little to me that I will not be allocating the time to choose a side (who would waste their time doing something so fruitless as to classify various foods into their proper buckets and put it on the internet. Oh, wait). It is not pertinent to whether or not it's delish. The Hot Dog is very American. It feels closely tied to the ballpark experience of watching sports live and in person. I will say I prefer a beef hot dog to a regular hot dog, but I've consumed more than my fair share of both (though nowhere near as many as Joey Chestnut). 8. Buffalo Wings Here we've arrived at another hot-button topic with arguments on both sides. I am not often called lazy, but anytime someone has called me lazy, I correct them and state that I am simply efficient. It is in this mindset that, when given the choice, I will always go for boneless wings. Not only do you get more bang for your buck, you don't have to work for it. You just grab it (or stab it with a fork if in mixed company) and use it as a bleu cheese vessel (hooray! We found another cheese vessel). Again, you are entitled to your opinion. I respect that. I don't like it when the people who choose to eat bones and gristle sit upon their high horse and judge those of us who like the boneless option. Show some respect, sir. We are living in a society. 9. Peanut Butter and Jelly Here's the thing: I LOVE a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich. It is great as either a snack or the backbone of a sack lunch. You can use basically any kind of bread under the sun (I have used hamburger and hot dog buns to assemble this confection over the years, in addition to more standard breads like white, wheat, and sourdough). It is infinitely customizable. In addition to choosing smooth or crunchy peanut butter, you get to utilize your own jelly flavor (I'm a sucker for Smucker's Raspberry Preserves). Some people will even pile additional ingredients in there like potato chips or bananas (am the only one that spells out "bananas" by singing Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" in my head? B-A-N-A-N-A-S). It's your sandwich, man. Go wild! 10. BLT What is more American than not even bothering to say the whole name of the sandwich? We don't have time to spell out Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato. That's totes a prob we solved with 3 letters. However, bacon is never a problem. You mack on one of these sandwiches and you can pretend you've indulged in a salad, as the staples are all accounted for. But there's a reason they list the B first (and don't say alphabetical. I swear, if you say the ingredients are just listed alphabetically...), it's the star of the show. If bacon were a broadway show, it would be sold out nightly. There, I said it. Bacon: The Musical! (I'd attend that myself, actually). 11. Chili I'm not a big soup guy. I don't enjoy consuming warm beverages, so I assume this is related. A lot of soups are thin and brothy and kinda hover in a land between food and drink. Not so for the Chili Con Carne. This bad boy has meat and beans and a little spice. It is more stew than soup. I like the idea that you consume Hot Chocolate when you're cold but you also eat Chili when you're chilly to warm up (I'm just entertaining myself here). Last time I saw my pulmonologist, she recommended that I steer clear of tomato-based foods (heartburn). Here's the thing: tomato based foods are the best ones. In addition to Chili, we're talking about salsa, barbecue sauce, ketchup, and pizza. Yeah, I don't think so, kid. Stay in your lane (and give me medicine for heartburn, please). Final Thoughts American foods span a wide swath of territory. You've got some southern staples on this list, some Texas BBQ, and some absolute midwest bangers. I hope you've had the honor of trying all of these items on my list, but if not, step up your game and stretch your palate (with culinary delicacies like hot dogs). I'm sure you have other American foods you love that didn't make my list. I'll give you a small list of the ones that just missed my list below, but please make sure to include any omissions in the comments section. Thanks! Club Sandwich Grilled Cheese Egg Salad Sandwich Tomato Ketchup Barbecue Sauce Breakfast Burrito Bleu Cheese Dressing Eggs Benedict Biscuit String Cheese

By CJ Tiernan I am writing this on Thanksgiving, so I figure it is an appropriate topic. We all have traditions we keep on Thanksgiving as well as different dishes we serve. While the world seems to be a more global society every single day, it is still fun to look back at the foods that someone first whipped up within the confines of the contiguous 48. Plus, your boy is into dessert. Like, big time into dessert. Much like the black box, I wonder why we don't make the whole meal out of dessert. Sad to say, they didn't ask me. In fact, the mnemonic I use to remember the difference in spelling between desert and dessert is simply that dessert is better and should last longer so it gets the second 's'. How fun is that? After that freebie, I present to you my Top 11 most delicious desserts born in the USA. 1. Pecan Pie Kimberly Vardeman, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons Run your fork through a slice of this sweet treat and cram it in your pie hole. It's like your tastebuds are dancing in brown-sugar sunshine. Such a wonderful moment in time when the Pecan Pie makes an appearance. I feel like the Pecan Pie should be indoctrinated into the same ubiquity that Apple Pie enjoys. If you mack on some Apple Pie at any time of year, no one bats an eye, but somehow the Pecan Pie became a fall food. Shameful. And in case you were wondering, the phrase "as American as Apple Pie" is not conveying the message most people think it is. It is an English (UK, not the language) concoction. Using that phrase is akin to when people say "I could care less" when they mean "I couldn't care less." 2. Chocolate Chip Cookies Warm chocolate chip cookies. Think about it. Picture it. Ooey gooey chocolate chip cookies. Aw man, that's America. Get yourself some milk (or a non-dairy facsimile for those of us lactose hosers) and dip and dunk to your heart's delight. The bummer about a plate of chocolate chip cookies is that somewhere along the line it became socially unacceptable to eat the whole thing in one sitting. Alas, we wouldn't need dreaming if the world was already perfect. 3. Key Lime Pie Key Lime Pie is named for the type of lime that is used: the Key Lime. The Key Lime is named for the region where it's grown: The Florida Keys. This dish may be the official dessert of Florida, but it is the unofficial dessert of my dad. He invented the dessert strategy to end all dessert strategies: the sliver. To avoid overindulgence, you don't have a full piece, just a real whisper of a slice a.k.a. the sliver. You then proceed to engage in sliver after sliver until the job is done. It's downright heroic. Additionally, August 31st was recently christened by him as National Key Lime Pie Day, in honor of my late cousin Siobhan. Please enjoy a slice in her honor annually and keep love in your heart. 4. Brownie Chocolate was a great invention, huh? Can you believe there are places where this thing is just growing out of the ground? What a world we live in. I tried cocoa powder straight up as a child and I still have regrets so, you know, some assembly required. Whatever the ingredients may be that turn chocolate into this glorious invention, we can thank the good ol' US of A. 5. Cupcakes I am a sucker for just whipping up a grocery store box of cake mix and turning it into cupcakes. What's more American than that? I am well aware there are entire buildings erected just to sell cupcakes. When the tired, poor, huddled masses blitzed our shores en masse, that was the dream. A cupcakery. They usually have a wonderful selection of flavors that are, obviously, all delicious. I'm partial to just a plain old vanilla. Stranger still, I'm no stranger to even lightening the load of the frosting or disposing of it all together. I know, I'm irredeemable. 6. Doughnut "Wait!," you say. "This is not a dessert! This is breakfast." Pish posh, old man, I do what I want. It is a sweet confection and, just like I can eat breakfast for dinner (brinner), I can eat breakfast for dessert. Maple Glaze is my favorite variety but, c'mon, it's a doughnut (or donut if you're nasty), it's gonna be delicious. Like cupcakes, there are entire shops dedicated exclusively to spreading this joy across the land like Johnny Appleseed (who was a real actual person named John Chapman and not just an American folk tale like Paul Bunyan). 7. Ice Cream/Milkshake/Sundae We all scream for Ice Cream! Whether you prefer it in beverage form, with toppings, or straight from the trough, it is glorious. Is there any more holy being than the cow? From its mere existence, we are able to conjure cheese, ice cream, and cheeseburgers. Step aside Rush, there's a new holy trinity. Grand is the plan that includes ice cream. You ever partake in a Sundae bar? It's like looking into the eyes of Miss America: breathtaking. Watch out for the brain freeze, though. We have yet to evolve that out of the gene pool. 8. Cobbler It's like pie, but without all the fuss. Pie is for company but Cobbler is for family. I am a sucker for Peach Cobbler, but you can cobbler-ize any fruit of your choice. When you are the baker, your only limits are the contents of your refrigerator. I'm also down to clown with some Blueberry Cobbler. Just saying. 9. Oreo Poor Hydrox. The National Biscuit Company (now known as Nabisco) invented the chocolate sandwich cookie in 1912... by copying Hydrox, which had invented it already in 1908. The thing is, selling cookies is a real estate business. Oreo has ownership over a good chunk of the snack aisle in every grocery store and Hydrox, well, I had one once in a class in College. Location, Location, Location. Spoiler Alert: if you are looking for the location of the nearest Oreo, it's usually in my belly! 10. Pumpkin Pie This is another seasonal pie that I'd be willing to finesse into my diet on a year-round basis. Seasoned with a magical combination of spices (helpfully referred to as "Pumpkin Pie Spice"), the Pumpkin Pie is an absolute sensory delight. Oh, and add Cool Whip. You've got to have Cool Whip. Don't worry, Cool Whip is also an American product so you can serve a slice of pure Americana with a side of whip. While I don't understand the craze that involves flavoring everything in the fall with pumpkin spice, I do support the movement with respect to pie. 11. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Alright, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. The reason this dish is served upside-down: gravity (Insert mind-blown emoji here). When you throw this bad boy together, the pineapple rings are placed in the bottom because they would sink there anyway. You then put the cake batter on top of the sweet mixture with the pineapple (yep, brown sugar tips its hat and says "sup" again) and bake. Once you let it cool, then you can flip it over and voilà (sorry, that's a french word. How about tah dah?), the pineapple is on top. The Pineapple Upside-Down Cake is such a moist cake. It is melt-in-your-mouth delish! Final Thoughts Dessert is great. I may not have mentioned this yet but I'm a big fan of sweets. How glorious is it that so many of our favorite desserts are homegrown? All this and I haven't even tried everything America has to offer. Both beignets and Boston Cream Pie are sweets invented in the US that I've not yet dipped my face into. If there is another American dessert that you simply cannot live without, please let me know in the comments. Thanks! I'll leave a list of a few more that just missed my list. S'mores Jell-O Twinkie Red Velvet Cake

By CJ Tiernan Consider this: statistically speaking, you will consume more meals off a table than any other piece of furniture. Did I just blow your mind or what? A table is both a landing pad for food, and serves as active, practical storage. Sometimes a table is for meals, other times it’s for laundry or gaming or beer pong. You could put a lamp on it or (back in the day, at least) a landline. Tables are everywhere and (outside of a Buffalo Bills tailgate) usually built to stand the test of time. You may as well rename a table "four legs and a dream" (uh, never mind. That’s too wordy. I'm embarrassed). Below is my Top 11 List of my Favorite Tables I’ve ever encountered (with some inevitable and immediate curveballs). Enjoy! 1. Periodic Table In some ways, I have a very logical, left-brained mind. I greatly appreciate order and cleanliness and simplicity. The idea that the chaos of the universe can be pared down to the atomic level and then listed in order by number of protons is extremely satisfying. I must admit, however, I’m kinda done with the whole “we use Latin to name stuff” schtick. We’ve moved on. We graduated to the romance languages. This would be like inventing the calculator and still using the abacus. Really, if we break it down, I simply struggle with the idea that gold and silver are abbreviated as Au and Ag and the one with the ‘G’ is not gold. I mean, at some point someone needed to stand up and call out the injustice. Still, I love the Periodic Table and the majesty of the Noble Gases. 2. Poker Table My family and I playing poker with grandma, November 2005 Ever since I first watched the movie Rounders, I’ve loved poker. While the stakes in which I’ve partaken have never even tasted what ‘90s Matt Damon was flirtin’ with, I still enjoy the thrill of the fight. When the cards are face down, the possibilities are endless and the hope rings eternal. Once you take a peek, the dream usually dies, but every now and again you get the thrill of pushing the chips to the middle and standing by as the deck serves as judge, jury, and executioner. This is no game, it is war. It is a battle of attrition. It is an opportunity to wear sunglasses indoors, which don’t come often enough (nor do the opportunities Corey Hart sang about). 3. Pool Table A pool table at a bachelor party, this picture taken immediately following a disastrous shot, July 2020 I know what you’re thinking. Back to back tables covered in felt? “Whoa! This guy really loves green felt. Get thee to a JoAnn Fabrics, young man!” Alas, were it only possible. In 2025, JoAnn Fabrics went the way of the penny-farthing. Such is life. Fear not! We still have Michaels and non-Sunday Hobby Lobby to scratch the right-brain itch. Anyway, geometry was always my worst math class (too much art, ironically), but I still do enjoy shooting some pool. Side quest: enjoy the short film Donald in Mathmagic Land if you want to learn billiards from a real-life cartoon character. 4. Coffee Table Me, posing behind a coffee table playing host to a Christmas village, December 2000 What do people use a coffee table for now that periodicals have progressed to extremely infrequents? The TV remote (plus the cable remote, the sound remote, the other remote you don’t know what it does but it’s always just been there and you’d hate to move it and then find out it was essential to the whole operation) or gaming controllers might be on there. Perhaps some coasters for adult beverages (you responsible sailor, you) or a laptop. You ever eat off the coffee table? What a ridiculous question, of course you have! The coffee table is often an ocean of miscellanea, a veritable public junk drawer. I used a coffee table as a TV stand once. Oh coffee! I forgot, you can use it to hold your coffee cup as well. 5. Folding Table / Tray Table Me and my brothers on my birthday, cake on tray table was delicious, May 2005 Function over style is a core tenet of my being. I mean, I have some things that look dope, don’t get me wrong, but I never choose aesthetics at the expense of function. I consider the folding and tray tables to be the anti-high heel shoes of tables (practicality doth reign supreme). You pull them out when you need a surface and then usher them back to the nunnery (or like a basement or closet or something) when the need un-arises. Have you found yourself using a folding table (aka temporary surface) in perpetuity? Such is the inherent trap of the convenient, fleeting table. 6. Picnic Table My family and I at a picnic table at a pizza restaurant in Texas, July 2018 Remember my appreciation for function? It strikes again! This is a table that has the chairs built in. Brilliant! You know how long it took for humanity to bridge the gap between table and chairs to table/chairs combo? According to AI (so, you know, probably/maybe true), the table was first invented about 2500 BCE and the picnic table was invented in 1903 (as in, just over 100 years ago). Whoops! Big oversight there. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not the most comfortable option, but the utility is so unmistakable. According to the same AI source (read: Google), the picnic as we know it only became a thing about 300 years before the advent of the picnic table. You go back in time any farther and you switch from eating outside as a pastime to eating outside to survive. 7. Kitchen/Dining Table My family and I at a dinning table, Eating Texas-shaped waffles in a Texas-shaped state, July 2018 Be honest. When you think of a table, the first one you think of is one of these, right? The table you sit at for 1-5 squares a day, macking on Cheerios and slurping ham bone soup? Yep, me too. It would rank higher if it wasn’t steeped in mundanity. The kitchen table is the daily food consumption hub and the dining room table gathers dust and extemporaneous dishware outside of the cadre of holidays wherein you’re given the green light to fire it up. This table is the baseline. It lacks the pizzaz required to climb higher on the list (except for the one my sister handmade. That table is sweet!). 8. Ping Pong Table My cousins and siblings, utilizing a ping pong table as a gaming table, November 2017 Are you a table tennis guy or a ping pong guy? I, as you can tell, prefer the latter. I enjoy the onomatopoeia-esque nomenclature and the fact that it sounds like nothing else that’s ever existed. I can play but, much like my skills in pool, I don’t have what it takes to go pro or even hustle some suckas and the local juke joint. I have played welts (aka Sting Pong) before, though. You ever dabble in that mad-scientist concoction? You lose a point and you stand facing away from your opponent, shirt off, as they smack the ball into your back as hard as they can. A friend of mine (am I using that term right? Friend?) introduced me to it in High School. I quite enjoyed it but, as the name(s) suggest: it hurts. 9. Massage Table This is the first table on the list I’ve not had the pleasure of enjoying. It seems nice, so it makes it onto my list in an aspirational capacity. The tension of one’s muscles is forcibly removed by professionals with manual dexterity and worldly cunningness. Picture each hand as Ethan Hunt, disavowed by his government and embarking on his most dangerous mission yet. Only, instead of Eastern European/Russian bad guys, he’s pulverizing stress before they set off the nuke. I don’t know, I feel like the metaphor is in there somewhere and maybe I just missed it. 10. Table of Contents The table of contents is like a map. It guides you through the respective tome, providing waypoints and teleports to avoid having to read cover to cover. As all my High School teachers could tell you, if there’s a way I could avoid reading, I’m doing it. In my defense, we rarely read cool stuff and, when we happened upon cool stuff, I did read it (Catch 22, Fahrenheit 451, and basically any other novel with a number in it). But history books or Toni Morrison novels? Nope. I’m out, I’m all the way out. Here’s my two cents on history: if what they were doing back then was so relevant to me today, we’d still be doing it and I could look out the window and see it instead only being able to read about it. If we moved past it as a society, I will happily leave it in my rearview mirror as well. Kick rocks, history! You had your moment. 11. Operating Table This is a tricky one. On the one hand, they are an important element of life-saving procedures. On the other hand, they’re not exactly a locale you’re itching to be. One does not endeavor to be on the table willfully. You don’t telegram Aunt Edith about Thanksgiving plans around the operating table (well, I mean, how’s Aunt Edith doing? Is she getting up there?). It’s not a party or group setting is all I’m saying. Nevertheless, it is an essential part of 21st century society and has earned its rightful place on the list (and the odds are very good that, should you end up on the table, your condition is better than that of Cavity Sam). Final Thoughts The table can be many things. For a rigid item with straight edges and right angles, it sure can be flexible. There are oh so many different kinds of tables, plus many people will use the exact same table in different ways (in college, we had a plastic patio table in our kitchen), so your list may differ pretty substantially from my own. Awesome! Please let me know in the comments if I missed any of the tables you can’t live without. As always, I’ll leave a few that just missed my list down below. Thanks! Have a great day! Buffet Table Air Hockey Table Drafting Table End Table Patio Table Extendable Table

By CJ Tiernan You know what I like about a Minor League Baseball game? It’s an event. You go to a game to do something. It doesn’t matter who is playing, if you know the players, what the record is, even which team wins. One simply gathers a cadre of friends and family and dips into the ballpark. The sinister pricing system of the professional sports teams (and theme parks and airports and …) hasn’t infected them nearly as seriously, so you can go and still come back with all four limbs (or at least the number you started with). They also go all out on the names to try and get you to buy merch. These names are wild! Below is my Top 11 List of my Favorite Minor League Baseball Team Names of which I’ve ever seen or heard. 1. Las Vegas 51s (Las Vegas, NV) This is the only one on this list that no longer exists. They are now known as the Aviators. They changed it in 2019 when they got a new stadium and consequently broke the hearts of conspiracy theorists everywhere. I’m not clear what tie-in aviation has to Las Vegas, but it’s not as cool as having a little grey alien as your mascot (referencing Area 51 of Roswell, New Mexico fame). Such a shame. #NeverForget 2. Rocket City Trash Pandas (Madison, AL) I am R., Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons A Trash Panda is, according to the logo for the team, a racoon using a garbage can as a rocket. Glorious! While one may be confused on the use of the nickname Rocket City for a town in Alabama, when Tom Hanks actually talks to Houston in Apollo 13, some of the NASA rockets were apparently developed here. How about that? Not too shabby for a metropolis of 56,000 humans. 3. Richmond Flying Squirrels (Richmond, VA) The flying squirrel is one of the coolest animals out there. Land animals that can fly are right up at the top of the list along with anything that has dragon in the name. I’m picturing the smaller half of Rocky and Bullwinkle trading in his (voiced by a woman, but is male) aviator cap for a batting helmet. Thoughts? 4. Akron RubberDucks (Akron, OH) Often times, one names a team to inspire some level of menace and intimidation in the opponent. I’m thinking that Akron zigged where others zag. Imagine taking the field to a song by Bert and Ernie (Disclaimer: I’m not certain they actually do this). No denying: it’s unique. 5. Hartford Yard Goats (Hartford, CT) I’ve heard of a mountain goat. If one is required to make the distinction that a goat is a mountain goat, than one is led to believe there is an alternate variety of goat. Apparently, much like the free-range children of a pre-stranger danger society, we have the yard goat. It is given the liberty to roam the property as long as it is home by dinner time. Sweet! If I ever do a Top 11 list of animal facial hair, you know a goat or two is making the list. 6. Sugar Land Space Cowboys (Sugar Land, TX) Cowboys? In Texas? Unheard of. Space Cowboys, though? That sounds dope! In fact, so does Sugar Land. It sounds like the place Willy Wonka retired to after emotionally scarring a bunch of kids and handing the keys off to Charlie in the Wonkvator. In a world where one can be a Sugar Land Space Cowboy, why is anyone doing anything else? 7. Quad Cities River Bandits (Davenport, IA) Pirates sail the seven seas. Vikings pillage and plunder. It appears Bandits are relegated to the rivers and the lakes that your used to. For the uninitiated, the Quad cities straddle the Mississippi River between Iowa and Illinois and are comprised of the following four cities: Davenport and Bettendorf in Iowa and Rock Island and Moline in Illinois. Four cities! Stick that in your pipe and smoke, Minnesota. 8. Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp (Jacksonville, FL) Full disclosure: I’m a sucker for an oxymoron. I’m not a fan of people saying something other than what they mean, but when you use a combination of words that seem to contradict one another, well you’re just out there having a grand old time with the English language. You go crazy, ya old soul! Some of my favorite oxymorons include living dead, awful good, freezer burn, old news, student teacher, soft rock, random order, original copy, guest host, and plastic silverware. 9. Montgomery Biscuits (Montgomery, AL) Alabama, you saucy minx! You got on the list twice. Not too bad for a state without any professional teams (other than the University of Alabama football progrum under Nick Saban). A biscuit is delicious, so I want to start there, but it’s also a common word used in southern colloquialisms. “You can toss yer boots in the oven ‘n’ call ‘em biscuits, that don’t make it true.” I mean, what? I know 2 things about these people: they are poets, and no self-respectin’ southerner would use instant grits. 10. Binghamton Rumble Ponies (Binghamton, NY) I like when people use ponies in slang when talking about betting on horses. Something, something, bet the ponies. Delightful! I don’t know what a Rumble Pony is, but I do feel the Rumble part puts some sting in the Ponies part. It spices it up a little. They sound fierce, borderline unhinged, like they could do the type of damage the wildebeests achieve in The Lion King. 11. Amarillo Sod Poodles (Amarillo, TX) Alright, so a Sod Poodle is an awesome name. We’re on the same page so far, but what does it mean? (*Looks at Google for about 5 seconds*) It’s a prairie dog! Those weird little ferret things that pop out of the ground in the beginning of The Lion King 1½ (Well, how about that? All Minor League Baseball roads lead to a Lion King reference). Adorable! On the logo, they have cowboy hats and everything, it’s just the best. Classic Texas. Final Thoughts With so many wild and crazy names in one place, you may be tempted to go out and name the next child you see something off the reservation like Lazenbee or Narthex, but I encourage you to leave the crazy names to the semi-professionals. If there is a name I missed that you absolute adore for its zany interactions with the temporal lobe, please be sure to add it in the comments. I’ll leave a list below of the MiLB team names that just missed my Top 11. Thanks for reading and have a great day! Lehigh Valley IronPigs (Allentown, PA) Rancho Cucamonga Quakes (Rancho Cucamonga, CA) Albuquerque Isotopes (Albuquerque, NM) El Paso Chihuahuas (El Paso, TX) Biloxi Shuckers (Biloxi, MS) Lansing Lugnuts (Lansing, MI) Lakeland Flying Tigers (Lakeland, FL) Omaha Storm Chasers (Papillion, NE)

By CJ Tiernan Production Design is the term used to describe the creation of the visual world of the film. It is the sets and props that one sees on screen. If asked to describe it like one of your French girls, you’d call it the Mise-en-scène, which translates to “placing on stage.” Long story short, it’s everything you see in front of the camera, or the physical world of the film (that isn't a human). Color, design, placement, lighting, and so much more go into sculpting a world that we believe. The following is a list created to honor the impressive attention to detail and immersive worlds created for our viewing pleasure. Here is of the Top 11 Production Designs in Movies I’ve ever seen. Enjoy! 1. Harry Potter J.K. Rowling was a very visual story teller. She constantly used repeated words and phrases to conjure images in your head like “half-moon spectacles” and “pale, sneering face,” almost creating visual shortcuts to the characters, allowing us to see the character before she even mentioned who had just popped into the scene. That level of detail set very lofty expectations for the movies. The creators absolutely met the challenge. The world that was produced on screen was so enchanting and magical, that not only do we feel swept away into another time and place while watching the movies, but they had to recreate it in theme parks because it was just so enticing (in the immortal words of Liz Lemon: "I want to go to there"). In my opinion, the granular precision and dedication to detail, coupled with the grand scope of the project, make this the most significant production design I’ve ever seen (and, unlike most of the other movies on this list, you can actually enjoy it in person, thanks to Universal). Oh, and yes, I did make 8 movies my first movie on the list. It’s not the last time I’m gonna pull a fast one like that so strap in. You’re in for a long one. 2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas This is my favorite movie of all time that received a rotten score on Rotten Tomatoes (fewer than 60% of the critics found it viable for the masses). Those people are wrong. It, like all other versions I’ve ever seen of The Grinch (the original book, the short movie from the ‘60s, the Benedict Cumberbatch one) is great. This particular one, directed by Ron Howard, is my highest ranked Grinch movie, because they were able to bring the gravity-defying architecture of Dr. Seuss illustrations to live-action cinema. It’s only been tried one other time and it really didn’t go well (Mike Myers’ Cat in the Hat, anyone?). There is reality-bending magic and whimsy to the movie that is enhanced by the physical world of the sets and props. It both feels real enough to step into and too dreamlike to be real (just like Jim Carrey). 3. Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is gothic Dr. Seuss (actually, Tim Burton might actually be gothic Dr. Seuss). The movie harbors a mind-melting world of incongruent angles and jarring, mismatched dimensions. I love it! It was manufactured in the ‘80s, so you know it’s not all CGI trickery and visual gimmicks (they actually even used some stop-motion animation). They really made some crazy stuff for this movie. Also, while production design doesn’t directly work on the costumes, they do set the color palette for the film. It’s worth acknowledging the many wild costumes at play in this one. Imagine attending an undead gala in a haunted house with the cast of Wednesday whilst on acid and you’ll get an idea for the aesthetic (as a bonus, you may come away with a whole bunch of ideas - thanks to the acid). 4. Men In Black This is the first of several Sci-Fi movies on the list (and the first of multiple Will Smith movies). So much of the design of the movie is iconic. The Neuralyzer, Noisy Cricket, the weird egg chairs in the exam room at the beginning, and the way the screens are rounded rather than rectangular. Ovals and shiny, unpainted metal tech are the takeaway from this alternate reality where aliens live among us (oh wait, according to recent releases from the government, that’s our actual reality). 5. Pirates of the Caribbean For the first movie (far and away the best of the 5-and-counting entries in the series), the crew built the Black Pearl on top of a barge. Like, they just turned a barge into a pirate ship. Did you notice? I didn’t notice. That’s pretty sick (and pretty slick). From the ships, to the swords and guns, to the gold, to the hats, Pirates is full of props that feel extremely weathered and lived in. They’ve really wrung a lot out of a Disney World water ride. Imagineering at its finest. 6. Hugo Although it is based on a book, this is otherwise the first movie on my list that lacks sequels, prequels, or remakes. It stands alone and it stands tall. This Martin Scorsese movie packs a visual and emotional punch. If forced to sum up the production design in two words, we opt for: French Steampunk. There are automatons aplenty and the titular character lives inside a clock tower. All those gears, gears, gears, gears will leave your head spinning. And then, if a French train station with steampunk imagery doesn’t get you where you want to go, we discover the film studio of Georges Méliès. There, we are steeped in turn-of-the-century cinema in all its silent glory. Even though the world is assembled in such a way that it feels much more real than some of the other movies we touched on so far, the movie still manages to create an ineffable air of magic. It’s extraordinary. 7. Alien I haven’t seen all the Alien movies. There are quite a few out and about these days. However, all the sequels I have seen are remarkably faithful to the design crafted in the original. The first movie (which I have seen) takes place aboard a spaceship called the Nostromo. This is the setting of the entire movie. As such, we get to know the ship quite well. The whole thing is impressively ornate. I love how all the doors have a kind of hexagonal or octagonal style, but they aren’t all exactly the same. I’ve never been a doors guy (well, Riders on the Storm was pretty good) but for whatever reason, the doors in Alien are my favorite cinematic doors. What a weird confession. I also found the design of the title character, in its many forms, to be quite satisfying. 8. Back to the Future I am lumping together both Back to the Future and Back to the Future Part II on this list, and doing so for a specific reason. I have to have the first one on here because the DeLorean is the greatest vehicle in the history of entertainment (See my Top 11 Cars from Movies and TV here). However, the hoverboard from the second movie is also one of the greatest modes of transportation in the history of time and space. I actually own shirts that feature the design of each of them (you know, to show proper respect). I was born too late to live through 1985 (although I’ve sampled the era, courtesy of Bowling for Soup), but I was there for every day of 2015 and you know what? The one in Back to the Future was better (and it only missed its Cubs World Series prediction by one year). Also, I didn’t count the third movie because it’s kind of all set in the wild west and I’m not a wild west-flavored guy. I just kept saying, “take me back to the future!” 9. I, Robot I, Robot takes place in 2035, so there’s still time to achieve its vision of the future. If it comes with those sweet Audis, I’m in. There are transparent robots (voiced by Alan Tudyk) and smart homes. While the smart home thing is starting to happen, I think we’re still a bit removed from robots assimilating with society. After all, one just accidentally kicked a kid the other day in China. If China doesn’t have it locked down yet, it’s gonna be a minute. 10. Lord of the Rings Joe Ross from Lansing, Michigan, CC BY-SA 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons The production of this movie was such an epic undertaking. Just the number of costumes and props that had to be generated for all the extras in this movie is incomprehensible. There were also a lot of miniatures used. Additionally, as human beings (who were all roughly the same size) were used to represent non-humans (some of which are quite a bit smaller than humans), props had to be built in multiple sizes or to specific specifications to ensure that camera tricks pulled off the illusion of dwarves and hobbits. Also, while we’re on the whole “me obsessed with doors” thing, I gotta mention how awesome those circular hobbit doors are. 11. Barbie In a word: pink. Like super, ultra, mega pink. There was actually a national shortage of pink paint available because of the large quantity used in the making of this motion picture. To be fair, they used it to perfection. They designed the sets to look like actual Barbie play items, with no walls or doors (say it’s not so!) so that kids could use the interiors. I love this movie so much, and the way they assembled Barbie Land was just perfect. The bright colors, the incorporation of real Barbies and costume designs, all led to perfect execution of the Barbie aesthetic. Final Thoughts Like the score of the film, production design can be subtle. It can actually be at its best when you don’t notice it. Unless the movie takes places in a world that is obviously not our own, it can be difficult to even imagine that anything was done. What is that? A kid’s room with movie and band posters on the walls. They probably just found the room like that. Nope. A painstaking level of understanding of the world and the characters was used to cultivate (or build) the perfect space, and fill it with just the right things. Unsung heroes, those production designers are (whoops! My Yoda is showing). I will leave a list of the production designs that just missed my Top 11 list down below. Please let me know in the comments if I missed any of your favorites. Thanks! Have a great day! The Grand Budapest Hotel Blade Runner 2049 Minority Report Pan's Labyrinth Star Wars Mad Max: Fury Road Children of Men Her

By CJ Tiernan Nicknames of historical figures are curious. For instance, did all the members of his cabinet refer to Abraham Lincoln as “Honest Abe?” Did he even like that nickname? Did they just whisper it in halls of the parliament building or wherever it is they did whatever they did or were they actually saying it to his face? Did that nickname even exist, or was it manufactured after he, so to speak, bit the bullet? I don’t know whether some of these nicknames were crafted by contemporaries or issued by historical arbiters years later. I do know they’re pretty dope. Here is my list of the Top 11 Nicknames that have been issued to humans who are famous for something other than playing a sport (I phrased it this way because, who knows, maybe Shakespeare was a killer rugby player or something. I do know, but I know it’s not what he’s recognized for today). Click here to read my Top 11 List of Athlete Nicknames. 1. The Wizard of Menlo Park - Thomas Edison Thomas Edison is famously associated with invention. Either Edison or Ben Franklin are going to typically be the first person that pops into your head when asked to name a famous inventor. Arthur C. Clarke once wrote “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” The “wizard” was the man crafting inventions (or, as history has highlighted, improved upon existing inventions and commercialized them) the likes of which the world had never seen and the “Menlo Park” is the New Jersey town wherein his lab resided. Suck on that, Buzz Aldrin. You were the second man to walk on the moon and the second most famous person from Jersey (or, like, way lower than second because of Danny DeVito, Shaq, Meryl Streep, Whitney Houston, Bruce Springsteen, and Jon Bon Jovi, to name a few). 2. The Bard of Avon - William Shakespeare In school you learn a handful of things. You learn how to succeed on a standardized test without necessarily learning the material, that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, and that William Shakespeare wrote in a language no one else can speak. I had to “read” a lot of his plays throughout the years and yet, I don’t understand what’s happening without someone translating his English to actual English. It’s weird to me that the most famous writer of the last 500 years is incapable of relaying his message in a digestible format. Nevertheless, he was a poet (formerly called a bard) from an English town called Stratford-upon-Avon (I mean, what!?) so it led to a super cool nickname. 3. The Black Swallow of Death - Eugene Bullard This is the individual on my list you are least likely to know, and I’m not the best history teacher so I recommend you do a deep dive because his story is bonkers, but I will give you some quick CliffsNotes. He was born in the US, but fought in WWI for France (because racism, probably) as one of, if not the first, Black combat pilot. He was known for being fearless and his nickname came from his enemies (the ones that survived, presumably) as he flew at least 20 missions and shot down at least two planes. He was basically the Jackie Robinson of murder pilots. There’ve been books and movies crafted to tell his story, should you offer to spare the time. Also, on the side of his plane (in French) he painted “All blood runs red!” Wicked cool. We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! 4. The Man of a Thousand Voices - Mel Blanc Mel Blanc voiced Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, Barney Rubble, Marvin the Martian, Foghorn Leghorn, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, Pepé Le Pew and Captain Caveman. The math suggests he also voiced, like, 990 other characters, based on his nickname. It is very impressive and very cool. Other shows he was a part of include The Flintstones, The Jetsons, The Atom Ant/Secret Squirrel Show, Tom and Jerry, The Woody Woodpecker Show, and Heathcliff. The original version of The Carousel of Progress attraction at Disney World also featured his unique vocal talents. 5. The Man of a Million Stories - Marco Polo What’s better than a thousand voices? A thousand thousands worth of stories. Marco Polo was a famed world traveler, notably traversing the Silk Road in China and breaking bread with Kublai Khan. His tales (some of which are considered a little dubious in nature) introduced Europeans to Asian culture. Listen, you don’t rub elbows with the leader of the Mongol Empire without stealing away with a few stories. I imagine a lot of the stories would have been similar to hanging out with Vikings in their heyday, talking of pillaging and plundering and things of that ilk, but long story short: the man had tales to tell (and sell). 6. The Artist Formerly Known as Prince - Prince Eden, Janine and Jim from New York City, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons This one is hilarious, right? Prince decides to spite his record label and transfers his identity into a symbol of love that is kind of like a mishmash of the symbols for male and female (but with a French horn or something mixed in). Because the symbol was not pronounceable and difficult to squeeze into a standard set of characters, he was (tongue housed in cheek) dubbed “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.” I can’t decide if the middle finger Prince gave his label is larger than the one the media gave him by branding Prince with this nickname, but I do know that I love this nickname (and, admittedly, a robust number of songs by He-Who-Can-Not-Be-Spelled). 7. The Oracle of Omaha - Warren Buffett This is a very rich dude. In a world where he borders on having infinity money, he still lives in a house he bought in 1958 that resides in Nebraska. As a person who grew up in Iowa, I am predisposed to hate Nebraska without rhyme or reason (and I’m good with that). However, putting that aside, how do you choose to stay there? Have you never heard of Italy? Or the Maldives? Or the Moon? Anyway, he’s a stock market maven who still lives in Omaha, NE so, that’s where the nickname (which is seemingly much cooler than him) comes from. 8. The Motor City Madman - Ted Nugent You remember that picture of a wild-eyed Ted Nugent on the cover of Cat Scratch Fever? That’s the face I picture as just his natural face. Like, he grocery shops and mows the lawn and stuff with that face. He hails from the Detroit area and branded himself with the nickname, which is just crazy enough to fit perfectly with his face (and catalog of music). 9. The Muscles from Brussels - Jean-Claude Van Damme In the movie The Expendables 2, Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a Villain (2 Ls) named Vilain (1 L). That is a perfect summation of his acting range. However, if you Google him (who among us hasn’t) you’ll find his official title to be Belgian Martial Artist. If “The Muscles from Brussels” doesn’t hit the ear perfectly with that information, I don’t know what will. 10. The Prince of Darkness - Ozzy Osbourne F darkbladeus, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons Did Ozzy really bite the head off a live bat? Yes (It was in Des Moines, IA, there really isn’t much to do there). Did Ozzy really snort a line of ants? Yes (He was on tour with Mötley Crüe, and they were taking turns kickstarting their hearts, so…). And yet, it was his status as frontman for a band called Black Sabbath during the height of the Satanic Panic that ushered in the nickname. He just, you know, owned it. Like, really, really leaned into it. 11. Stormin' Norman - Norman Schwarzkopf Oh boy, more Social Studies homework. This guy was a general in the US Army during the Gulf War (’90-‘91ish). He is highly decorated and we offer our salutes to show proper respect for his efforts in keeping our nation safe. He’s also named Norman (like the guy from Cheers). He earned the Stormin’ half of his rhyming moniker from his intense, no-nonsense leadership style during the Gulf War. He had a desire to be at the front of the pack with his troops and was famous for his aggressive tactics. The media latched onto the rhyme and ran with it. Funny how that happens. Before today, “Stormin’ Norman” was all I knew about Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf. Salute to you, sir. There have got to be a million nicknames floating around out there for historical figures. It seems like political figures have them a lot, but there are some good ones for other disciplines as well. If you’ve got one you feel should have been on the list, please let me know in the comments section. Thanks so much for reading! I left a few nicknames that just missed my list down below. Vlad the Impaler - Vlad Tepes Honest Abe - Abraham Lincoln The King of Pop - Michael Jackson