Top 11 Captains
- CJ Tiernan
- 14 minutes ago
- 5 min read
By CJ Tiernan
What does Captain mean to you? In the military, they rank pretty high. On board a ship (sea or air), they are in control of your fate. In gym class, they pick teams. I think we can all agree those are three equally important jobs. Yes, the Captain is in charge of making important decisions. It is with that understanding I acknowledge the gravity of the following list. Below is my Top 11 List of my Favorite Captains throughout media (and one real life character) that I’ve ever encountered. Please enjoy.
1. Raymond Holt - Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Portrayed by the late Andre Braugher, Captain Raymond Holt is a very stoic, serious character. He is the straight man (despite the fact he’s gay) to many of the antics of the chaotic characters that haunt the Nine-Nine. As the leader, he is imbued with the power to endow poignant words of wisdom or put his foot down when the need arises. However, my favorite is when he breaks free of that mold and behaves erratic himself (like the time he became addicted to Kwazy Cupcakes). He is a role model and a stand up, uncompromising officer of the law. Salute. He’s also an epic wordsmith.
2. Captain America - Comics/MCU
Not since Jesus has there been a character with such an unflinching moral sense of right and wrong. It is often a trope that superheroes will not kill the bad guys, but will instead leave them tied up and lying around for the police. However, they often neglect the reality of a concept known as collateral damage. Good ol’ Steve Rogers here is not gonna stand for collateral damage. He’s out to save everybody. That’s why it’s fitting his “weapon” of choice is actually a defense mechanism (shield).
3. Jack Sparrow - Pirates of the Caribbean
Captain of The Black Pearl, Jack Sparrow is the unique case of a captain which we meet at his lowest and he never really strays too far from the bottom. In the first film (far and away the best), he is solely in pursuit of getting his ship back. A pirate captain with neither a seafaring vessel nor crew to sail it is a sad sight indeed. Johnny Depp’s portrayal is nothing short of perfect.
4. Cap'n Crunch - Cereal
The iconic blue hat, the white mustache flanking his rotund nose, there’s no denying Cap’n Crunch has left an indelible mark on breakfasts nationwide. Whether you lean toward the golden goodness of the original or prefer the splash of color of the berries (or [clutches pearls] the Oops! All Berries variant), it’s the sweet treat that can’t be beat. I do wonder whether the “C” on his cap stands for Captain (excuse me, Cap’n) or Crunch.
5. Captain Hook - Peter Pan
If you’re gonna pick a person with a disability as a mortal enemy, picking one who replaced their hand with a weapon is bold choice. Forever-boy Pete taunts Captain Hook and his sidekick Smee, which is tough because Hook is already taunted by the ticking clock croc that ate his hand. Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down. Am I siding once again with a pirate? I think so.
6. Captain Planet - Cartoon TV Show
This guy uses the funky power of ‘70s band Earth, Wind, and Fire (🎶Do you remember…🎶) plus a splash of water and a vital organ (heart) to get people to recycle. It’s… cooler than it sounds. He’s a blue guy with a green mullet and a red speedo and he gets kids (Planeteers) to sport hand jewelry that can summon him when there’s too much garbage or something for them to handle. Man, I’m realizing it’s been way too long since I’ve seen this show.
7. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger - Pilot, Miracle on the Hudson
Hey, hey! Would you look at that! A real-life hero. Sully (sometimes called Tom Hanks) saved a bunch of lives by landing a commercial plane in the Hudson Bay when the plane hit a flock of birds shortly after takeoff from LaGuardia in New York. He (and possibly Evanescence) saved all 155 people on board (although their stuff probably got wet) and is a frickin’ hero.
8. O Captain! My Captain! - Scene from Dead Poets Society
Robin Williams gets fired at the end of the movie. What happens next is both a beautiful, heartening scene and a callback (everyone loves a callback). In referencing a poem by Walt Whittman, the students attempt to defend and stand behind their teacher, a teacher which taught them to seize the day and chase their dreams. Good flick! (Also, more of a use of the word captain than an actual captain but, you know, it’s my list).
9. Han Solo - Star Wars
First off, nobody rocks a vest like Han Solo. It’s important to me that we get that out of the way. The man has a vest that has pockets, thereby straddling the line between style and function. Also, he Captains the Millenium Falcon, one of the greatest space crafts in the history of space travel (sorry, NASA). Plus, he’s a smuggler (aka a space pirate). That makes him the third (and final) pirate on the list.
10. Leland Stottlemeyer - Monk
Adrian Monk, “The Defective Detective,” is a lot to handle. But with the help of his sidekick, Randy, Captain Leland Stottlemeyer is on the case. Played by the guy who said, “it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again” in Silence of the Lambs (Ted Levine), this Captain is not messing around. I mean, one look at his cookie duster and it’s clear this San Franciscan officer of the law is an authority figure. Randy only wishes he could grow that mustache.
11. Captain Marvel - Comics/MCU
She spends some serious time fighting aliens. Like, to the point where it feels as though Earth is more a tedium than an actual place she wishes to be. Nevertheless, when she fights, she brings the funk. Captain Marvel can fly, is stronger than a Kelly Clarkson song, and manipulates energy. I don’t have a huge sample size, but it’s my belief that if you can survive outer space without a space suit, you’re probably fit to be a Captain. You go, Carol Danvers!
Final Thoughts
Plenty of members of the military have served the role of captain over the years. Not including them on this list is not intended in anyway to be a slight. I simply don’t know any (other than my brother-in-law) and therefore they aren’t on my list. I’m sure there are some great ones. My list skews more fictional (see the multiple superheroes listed above). I have a few that just missed my list that I left below. If I missed any of your favorites, let me know. Thanks! Have a great day!
Comments