By CJ Tiernan Every single person has a name. It’s famously a common way of telling one another apart (along with finger prints, dental records, and whether you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob) or used to gather ones attention when shouted across a room. If it’s supposed to be a unique designation, why do we end up with so many people named John or Jack or Bort? Names, to make a long story short, need to be more adventurous. We need to normalize having names crazy enough that

By CJ Tiernan Have you ever heard someone’s name and thought: "oh, that’s delicious!" Well I have, and I did something about it. I made this list. I went through all the celebs I could think of and weeded out the ones with animal names (see that Top 11 List here) or location names (like America Ferrera, A’ja Wilson, and Diamond Dallas Page) or vacation option names (like Lake Bell, Tom Cruise, and The Beach Boys) and was left with this sweet and savory list. Here are my Top

By CJ Tiernan Back before we had our food hand delivered to our doorstep, we left our little homes and went and picked it up ourselves. But we didn’t completely encumber ourselves with the Sisyphean task of acquiring ready-to-eat snacks. Nope. We used the drive-thru (see also: drive-through). One simply placed their order from the comfort of their vehicle and moseyed around back to pick it up from a window carved in the side of a building. Pure, magisterial splendor. Since

By CJ Tiernan Consider this: statistically speaking, you will consume more meals off a table than any other piece of furniture. Did I just blow your mind or what? A table is both a landing pad for food, and serves as active, practical storage. Sometimes a table is for meals, other times it’s for laundry or gaming or beer pong. You could put a lamp on it or (back in the day, at least) a landline. Tables are everywhere and (outside of a Buffalo Bills tailgate) usually built t

By CJ Tiernan What does Captain mean to you? In the military, they rank pretty high. On board a ship (sea or air), they are in control of your fate. In gym class, they pick teams. I think we can all agree those are three equally important jobs. Yes, the Captain is in charge of making important decisions. It is with that understanding I acknowledge the gravity of the following list. Below is my Top 11 List of my Favorite Captains throughout media (and one real life character

By CJ Tiernan Whether employed as a dipping sauce, or slathered atop a dish like special shampoo on a lice kid, the condiment is an essential piece on the cuisine game board. It can supplement, enhance, or straight-up drown-out the flavor of the food in question. I’m a big condiment guy. I’ve, uh, been known to apply liberally. I’m the guy at a restaurant who orders an extra side of sauce BEFORE the meal even comes because, c’mon son, one little container? Who do you think

By CJ Tiernan Since the beginning of time, bags of chips have served humanity as both loyal side dishes and munchies quenchers. They've walked hand in hand with cold sandwiches inside lunch boxes nationwide, presented splashes of color at picnics and barbecues, and waded through the cartoon-fueled waters of after-school snacks. They are crunchy and delightful and always welcome (except maybe inside a library. Shhhh!). While it can be difficult to select a bag of chips in the

By CJ Tiernan You remember that food pyramid thing? It had the 7-11 servings of grains at the bottom and then worked its way up to all the good stuff you were only supposed to indulge in with extreme moderation. Feh! What did they know (the "they" in this instance of course being the professionals who specialize in this exact area of study)? Well, the fruit was near the bottom, just above the grain and it is actually delicious (unlike its next-door neighbor: vegetables). Belo

By CJ Tiernan It has been said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day; the proverbial foundation upon which the rest of the day is built. For some, that foundation is simply a cup of coffee (or one of those things you buy at a coffee store that has coffee in it, but the dominant ingredient is like sugar or whipped cream or something). For others, it may be a smörgåsbord of proteins like eggs, bacon, and sausage. I love all sorts of breakfast options. In fact, I'