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- Top 11 Will Ferrell Movies
By CJ Tiernan Will Ferrell burst on the comedy scene in the mid-'90s on Saturday Night Live. He was fearless in his commitment to the bit. It seemed as though he was willing to push the audio/visual medium as far as possible for a laugh. He quickly became the star there. He walked away in '02 to pursue a film career full time. I reckon I'm not the only one to feel this was a good decision. He was an absolute staple in comedy movies throughout the 2000s. Below is a list of my Top 11 favorite Movies containing Will Ferrell I've ever seen. 1. The Lego Movie (2014) The Lego Movie is one of the greatest movies of all time. It contains a childlike sense of joy and wonder and perfectly encapsulates the magic of the toy on which it is based. When you have a box of legos, you can make anything. It is a wonderful and beautiful story and Will Ferrell, in addition to playing the animated villain, also plays a live-action role that helps embody the heart of the movie. I don't know that I've seen 5 movies in the theater that made me laugh harder than this one, but it also reaches a delightful and satisfying conclusion. The Lego Movie is a non-stop potpourri of visual stimuli that may take many viewings to fully appreciate, but I'm game to watch this movie over and over again. 2. Elf (2003) A human who thinks he's an elf is a great conceit that Will Ferrell and John Favreau (the director of the movie) execute to perfection. Elf has become a holiday staple that simply must be watched annually. Will's performance, again featuring an unwavering commitment to the bit, is the star of the show. He has such a childlike innocence and is a sweet and endearing character. As a fun (or embarrassing) fact: There is a narwal that breaches the surface as Buddy the Elf departs the North Pole and says "Bye Buddy, hope you find your dad." I was under the impression that narwals were fictional beasts like unicorns and Bigfoot. I was about 30 years old when I discovered the narwal is a real, actual living animal. 🤯 3. Wedding Crashers (2005) This is the 51st list that I'm posting on my site and, in the event that you're reading them order, you may have noticed I don't really do much in the vulgar and profane category. I am very much of the belief that in almost every instance that one drops an F-bomb, it is a lazy execution and a different word or phrase would be a more funny option. However, in Wedding Crashers, Will Ferrell uses my favorite F-bomb I've ever seen in a movie. " Mom, the meatloaf! Fuck !" is just so excessive, unnecessary, and jarring that I couldn't stop laughing when I saw it. I love it. I love this movie as a whole but his role as the irredeemable Chazz, who shifts from hitting on women at weddings to hitting on them at funerals is an all-time cameo worthy of mention. 4. Stranger Than Fiction (2006) Stranger Than Fiction was a departure for Ferrell. He shifted away from his standard fare of loud characters and R-rated comedies. In this movie, he plays a fictional character that is actually alive and discovers that he is a character in a story because he can hear the narration. He plays an office drone with a specific routine and his world is shattered with the presence of the narrator. Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson are great and Maggie Gyllenhaal (don't think for one second that I didn't have to Google the spelling of that name) rounds out the rom com element. It is a funny and beautiful story highly worthy of your time. 5. The Producers (2005) This was a Mel Brooks remake of a Mel Brooks movie. Classic Mel Brooks. The parody king parodied himself. I never saw the original production, which starred Gene Wilder (one of my all-time faves) and Zero Mostel and boldly featured a song called "Springtime for Hitler" less than 25 years after the end of World War II. It feels edgy now, and we're creeping up on 100 years since Adolf Hitler rose to power. Anyway, the remake changed the story into a musical (which was first a stage production before it became a movie). The whole idea in the movie is the accountant (Matthew Broderick) tells the producer (Nathan Lane) offhandedly that you could make more money from a flop than a hit. The titular producers then set out to create the worst musical of all time. The Producers is absolutely a hit. The first time I ever saw this, it was actually a stage adaptation in '06 in London at the Drury Lane Theatre (there is zero reason to contextually include this info. It is purely a brag. Sorry, not sorry). 6. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) Before Baker Mayfield was baking up wins in Tampa, Florida, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly were Shakin' 'N Bakin' in Talladega (did you know that Talladega Speedway is in Lincoln, Alabama? Neither did I). This movie is a pure comedy. It has endlessly quotable lines like "If you ain't first, you're last" and " Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Help me, Tom Cruise!” You've also got great supporting roles by Gary Cole and Sacha Baron Cohen. It was written and directed by Adam McKay, a frequent Ferrell collaborator, who also wrote and directed Anchorman, Step Brothers, and the Other Guys before going on to do critically acclaimed fare like Vice, Don't Look Up, and The Big Short. 7. Step Brothers (2008) This is the ultimate man-child role. Two adults (like 40-year-olds) become step brothers when their parents marry. The titular characters are then forced to live together and they absolutely behave like bratty little children (again, they're supposed to be 39 and 40 years old). It is the type of idea that wouldn't work without the fantastic and earnest performances of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly (It has a 54% on Rotten Tomatoes at the time of this writing so perhaps it still didn't in the eyes of some). At the end of the movie, we get the untouchable Catalina Wine Mixer Scene. It is comedy gold. Will Ferrell actually sings the song (Por Ti Volaré) and John C. Reilly actually plays the drums. That scene is one of the most enduring parts of the film, along with the classic cover art that features the two characters posed together in sweaters. 8a. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) Will Ferrell plays a henchmen to the "big bad," Dr. Evil. He plays a character called Mustafa whose achilles heal is that he is irritated by being asked the same question 3 times and thus spills each and every secret he has about where Dr. Evil is just by being asked 3 times. It is a delightfully silly gimmick, but I mean, c'mon baby, have you seen these movies? That's kinda their style. "I fear it might be gangrenous. The wound is beginning to smell a little bit like almonds." That is part of the delightful off-screen shout of Mustafa after falling to what appears initially to be certain death. It is a callback to the first film. Will Ferrell always has the best lines in his movies. 8b. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) I grouped these two together because they are part of the same trilogy and I didn't want to cheat you. Plus, they are more like cameos than full-blown roles so it only feels fair. He is once again sent to his death and experiences what initially seems to be immediate demise, only for him to receive a delightful off-screen pain session. "I'm still alive only, I'm very badly burned." It is an interruption to a meeting he was just removed from. It is indicative of the comedy of the film but also of Will Ferrell's style. It's perfect. 9. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) Mega Hits, CC BY 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons This may very well be Will Ferrell's most iconic film character. The debate is probably down to either this one or Buddy the Elf. Ferrell plays a news broadcaster in the mid-'70s and displays all the sexism and bravado associated with the time. The movie is a non-stop comedy riot. It is also crammed full of celebrity cameos. He managed to parlay the role into several delightful appearances on the Entertainment Sports Programming Network (ESPN). I would argue this is the most quoted movie in his extensive oeuvre. 10. Barbie (2023) Barbie is a very pink movie that is less than subtle with its pro-feminist, anti-patriarchy views. It is also a fantastic film. Ferrell plays the head of Mattel and is played as very out of touch with the present times. His role in the real world is comedic and he comes with a legion of corporate suits making it a fun contrast to the characters in Barbieland. His role helps lampoon consumerism and highlight one of many subjects of satire in the movie. His ability to once again appear earnest and sincere even when unlikeable makes the character work. This Will Ferrell guy: he's good. 11a. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020) This movie is deliciously weird. It follows Will Ferrell as an Icelandic man whose only dream his entire life was to play the Eurovision Song Contest (which is apparently a very real thing. It's like an American Idol for basically all of Europe). He has a two-man band with Rachel McAdams and they back their way into the contest. There are weird characters and crazy events and a couple of genuinely great original songs. I can't fully explain this movie, but I do highly recommend it. Spoiler Alert: Pierce Brosnan is in it too. 11b. The Internship (2013) This movie is very similar to Wedding Crashers. It is an Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn movie, and Will Ferrell has a bit part that is comedically perfect and helps to juxtapose the two worlds that Owen Wilson's character is caught between. The movie itself is a great one that follows two people at Google who have aged out of feeling like they belong there but try and intern there anyway. Will Ferrell cameos as a mattress salesman that is crude and rude and bad at business in a delightfully humorous way. This is a movie that snuck up on me how good it was. Final Thoughts Will Ferrell is a comedy legend and has created characters that stand the test of time. I greatly enjoyed all the movies on this list (they're all in my Top 350 movies of all time) and Will Ferrell was unquestionably a big factor as to why. He also helped to co-write many of the movies he was in (Fun Fact: he was also the one who wrote the "More Cowbell" sketch on SNL, which may be the greatest SNL sketch of all time). These are my favorite movies that Will Ferrell was in that I've ever seen. I'm sure your list differs from mine. I'll leave a small list of the rest of the Will Ferrell movies I've seen down below. Please let me know in the comments if I missed any of your faves. Thanks! Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) Zoolander (2001) The Other Guys (2010) Spirited (2022) Quiz Lady (2023) Megamind (2010) Starsky & Hutch (2004) The House (2017) Everything Must Go (2010) Downhill (2020)
- Top 11 Movies That Take Place in a Single Day
By CJ Tiernan Movies that cram the whole 2 hours into one day hold a special level of charm. It is a subset of a genre that, when done right, you may not even realize that you've just watched events unfold in near real time. There are comedies, action flicks, and thrillers on this list. You can very easily feel the urgency that leads to a movie transpiring over a very thin slice of life. Below is a list of my very favorite movies that take place in a single day or 24 hour period. 1. Death at a Funeral (2007) This is a British comedy and one of the funniest movies ever made. The director, Frank Oz (director of "Bowfinger" and "Little Shop of Horrors"; puppeteer and voice of Yoda), delivers a non-stop barrage of chaos. The story takes place during a funeral, where revelations are made and family members butt heads. It feels like a throw back to the comedies of yore. Peter Dinklage and Alan Tudyk crush it in this one (Dinklage to such a high degree that they brought him back for the American remake a few years later). 2. Die Hard (1988) You seen this Die Hard? It's awesome! Bruce Willis plays John McClane, a NY cop who travels to LA to visit his estranged wife. He ends up interrupting a Christmas Eve party that has already been pre-interrupted by terrorists. It is an action movie for the ages with iconic lines and introduced the world to Alan Rickman. And yes, it's a Christmas movie! Ho. Ho. Ho. 3. Speed (1994) This is a thrilling action movie where stars Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock are trapped on a bus that will explode if the speedometer dips below 55 MPH. Dennis Hopper and Jeff Daniels help round out a great cast. This is a non-stop thriller from start to finish. 4. The Pagemaster (1994) The Pagemaster is a fantastical movie that is part animated and part live-action. It also might be a pro-library propaganda piece like those old Sinbad posters that told you math was power, but let us not get caught in the weeds. Macaulay Culkin has glasses and, as such, is unable to ride his bike in the rain. He takes refuge in a library where the books take him on a fantastical journey, fomented by the incomparable Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd as a librarian with sick Civil War era facial hair). 5. Cloverfield (2008) A found-footage monster movie in New York City. I don't think you need more than that to stop reading and rush to find it on streaming (Paramount+ at the time of publishing this list) so I'm not even going to try. 6. Clue (1985) Clue is a really fun movie. A whodunnit murder-mystery based on a board game sounds like a gamble, but if you saw "Barbie" (2023) or the "The Lego Movie" (2014) you know that, when done well, movies based on toys can work. This movie is really funny and full of comedy legends like Madeline Kahn, Tim Curry, Christopher Lloyd, and Michael McKean. The film has multiple endings, which is both a fun twist on a movie and a delightful hat-tip to the game. 7. Airplane! (1980 ) One of the fun things about a comedy, is how they live on by being quoted over and over again. When I was in High School, "Anchorman" and "Napoleon Dynamite" were quoted endlessly throughout the halls. I feel confident no movie has ever been more quotable than "Airplane!." As the movie came out 8 years before I was born, I missed the window to hear this one quoted by the student body en masse. However, it possesses the staying power to carry on (ha. luggage joke! Like at an airport). "Airplane!" is a dense jungle of one-liners that will always be worth your time. 8. Phone Booth (2002) Colin Farrell is onscreen for like the entire movie. It's pretty much just him and Kiefer Sutherland's voice, with a dash of the Forest Whitaker eye . The movie is a white-knuckle thriller. Colin is in a phone booth with Kiefer's sniper rifle trained on him, ready to fire if he hangs up or disobeys orders. It's been a while since I watched this one but it is a great movie. 9. Superbad (2007) Jonah Hill and Michael Cera star as High School seniors trying to party and live it up before they graduate. Obviously, it doesn't go according to plan. It is an all-time funny movie. McLovin (the twenty-five-year-old organ donor from Hawaii) is a character that lives on well after the movie came out. It was loosely based on the lives of the writers: Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg. 10. The Polar Express (2004) Tom Hanks plays almost everybody like Eddie Murphy in those movies where Eddie Murphy plays everybody. The twist is that it uses motion capture so no prosthetics were required. This is one of my favorite Christmas movies ever. A smattering of children entrust their safety to strangers with hot chocolate and ride a train to the North Pole to cling to their child-like sense of wonder and the spirit of Christmas, while also engaging in shenanigans along the way to help improve their foibles. It's also wonderfully quotable (though the cynical among you may be put off by the uncanny valley effect Robert Zemeckis seems to want to employ in all his movies). 11. Hocus Pocus (1993) Hocus Pocus: a Disney Halloween movie. I saw this movie many times as a kid. It is so much fun! I watched it on a VHS copy that we had recorded from TV. We did that with a lot of movies and TV shows in the late 80s and throughout the 90s (I hope the statute of limitations is up on that one). A small group of teens accidentally resurrect a triptych of witch sisters, portrayed by Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy. Good fun for the whole family. 12. Booksmart (2019) Directed by Olivia Wilde (Thirteen from House), this movie is another fun teen comedy. It features two bright High School seniors, stringent rule followers throughout their time in school, opting to break free and cut loose the night before graduation. Beanie Feldstein and Kaitlyn Dever star as the main girls in this one and they knock it out of the park. It is a fun ride. 13. Unstoppable (2010) In Boy Meets World, Ethan Suplee played a bully nicknamed "The Enforcer." In this movie, he plays a lazy man who accidentally creates a runaway train situation (no relation to the Soul Asylum song). Denzel Washington and Chris Pine then team up to stop the train. Unstoppable is a non-stop (I mean, obviously) adrenaline ride from start to finish. The director, Tony Scott, has done other action movies like Enemy of the State, True Romance, and the original Top Gun. This was his last movie and absolutely one of his best. 14. 12 Angry Men (1957) This is the oldest movie on this list by far. It is also my favorite movie released before 1960 ever (admittedly, I haven't seen very many). This movie transpires in a jury room, as the titular jurors convene to determine the verdict on a murder trial. It takes place on a warm summer day, and you can feel not only the heat in the room but the weight of what it means to find someone guilty. It is a perfectly crafted legal drama by Sidney Lumet. It's like the movie version of a bottle episode in a TV show. Final Thoughts A lot of the movies on this list are tense, thrilling, and action-packed. It is a hallmark of playing out the action over the course of a single day. It is less of a gimmick, and more of an opportunity to help the audience feel the stakes. I'm a huge fan of the format, as every movie on this list is in my Top 250 movies of all time. Please let me know in the comments if I missed any of your favorites. The reason I have 14 movies on the list is because I realized I missed a few the first time I created this list and I didn't feel like deleting words I'd already written. Instead I turned it into a much more conventional Top 14 list. I will list a few of the movies that just missed my list below. In case you're curious, I didn't include any time loop movies. They tend to end by finally getting to the next day, so they don't quite fit the format. Don't worry, at some point I will give my Top 11 Time Loop Movies. Dredd (2012) Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) Bullet Train (2022) Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) Arthur Christmas (2011) Panic Room (2002) Alien (1979) Buried (2010) United 93 (2006) Nerve (2016) The Breakfast Club (1985) Zathura (2005)
- Top 11 High School Movies
By CJ Tiernan High School is one of the most formative runs of your life. Some people live it up and it's the best time of their lives while others keep their heads down and can't wait to get out. You develop or strengthen friendships that can run through the rest of your days and create a pathway to your future. But, High School is really hard. There is a lot to balance in your life all while hormones course unbridled through your system. It can be isolating, which is why it is nice to see others in your shoes portrayed onscreen. Whether the movie reminds of yourself or someone you know, or just crafts a crazy scenario that's entertaining, it's nice to see high schoolers portrayed in a movie. Below is a list of my 11 favorite movies I've ever seen that feature High School students and their lives. 1. Back to the Future (1985) Marty McFly, a senior at Hill Valley High, accidentally travels back in time 30 years (courtesy of his adult scientist bestie) and attends high school with his parents. He has knocked his own future out of whack by ruining his parent's meet-cute. He then quests to get them back together and travel back to his time (courtesy of his 30-years younger adult scientist bestie). It's one of the greatest movies of all time. While some of his plights are a skosh unrelatable, there are still a lot of universal High School elements. Bullying, dating, and getting yelled at for running in the halls. Classic! While the Flux Capacitor may be the thing that makes time travel possible, the high school setting is what makes this story relatable. 2. 21 Jump Street (2012) Guillaume Paumier, CC BY 3.0 , via Wikimedia Commons Channing Tatum is funny! That was the first takeaway from this movie. We hadn't gotten to see him be funny before this one. Based on the Johnny Depp TV show from the late '80s, this movie follows two cops that go undercover to find the source of a drug running rampant through a High School. They experience a culture-clash from what they were used to when they went to school. This one really tackles the importance of the feeling of belonging and finding your people. With Brie Larson, Dave Franco, Ice Cube, Rob Riggle, and Jonah Hill, "21 Jump Street" is stacked and was highly worthy of its sequel (which falls under the category of "College Movies" so stay tuned for that Top 11 List). 3. Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) It is a lot of fun to watch a superhero go through the same High School stresses as the rest of us. He was bullied and struggled with a dating life and disappointing friends and just feels really human. This iteration of Spider-Man features the life of Peter Parker crashing down to earth a bit after showing up in an epic showdown with Iron Man against Captain America. He has to be school kid while also taking down the big bad (Michael Keaton's Vulture). It is a great movie and fun fact: It was cowritten by John Francis Daley (Sam from "Freaks and Geeks" and Sweets from "Bones") who also wrote for movies like "Game Night," "Horrible Bosses," and " Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves." 4. Superbad (2007) Jonah Hill again! I guess he went through a phase there where he was crushing it on the High School circuit. In this one, he and Michael Cera try to go out with a bang on their High School careers. This is another portrayal of High Schoolers as people that are just trying really hard to fit in and hit certain preconceived standards and thresholds for what they feel people their age should do. It is one of the funniest movies ever. It was largely written by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogan (guess where they got the names for the main characters) when they were actually in High School. 5. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989) What!? The second time travel movie in the Top 5? Bill & Ted travel through time to assemble a legion of actual historical figures to aid and abet their attempt to have a good enough presentation to pass history class. The titular characters are slackers in a metal band (a band, "Wyld Stallyns," whose philosophy will be the foundation of the utopian society humanity experiences 700 years in the future) ushered through time in a phone booth by a guy named Rufus (the irreplaceable George Carlin). This movie highlights the all too real presence of procrastination and the looming threat of being sent to military school. "San Dimas High School football rules!" 6. Booksmart (2019) This is probably the most underrated movie on my list (or maybe it's just the movie that's had the least amount of time to become a classic since it was released most recently). "Booksmart" is not at all dissimilar to the conceit of Superbad (but the main characters are girls instead of boys). Two High School seniors that have had an impressive academic run start to wonder if their goody-two-shoes approach to life was worth it and decide to cut loose for a night of debauchery. 'Tis a very funny movie, dealing with a sense of belonging, sexuality, friendship, and breaking free of stereotypes, so it's also poignant. 7. Juno (2007) "Juno" follows the title character navigating teen pregnancy. She is ushered into a lot of adult conversations and feelings at the measly age of 16. High Schoolers navigating pregnancy isn't universal, but navigating their feelings and communication and their home and family life and a sense of belonging is. Casting wise, this movie is stacked. It stars Elliot Page and Michael Cera (another High School Movie staple!) and the supporting actors list is loaded: Jason Bateman, Allison Janney, Jennifer Garner, and J.K. Simmons. I think we all would have strove to be as independent as she was through adolescence. Plus, the aesthetic of this movie might belong in the quirky Hall-of-Fame. 8. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) This John Hughes classic follows the titular character taking a day off of High School. He seems to have a foot in every clique as all the students seem to love him #SaveFerris! (except for his sister, that is). Following a kid taking a sick day by fooling his family (minus his sister) and school (minus the principal) is a wild ride spanning a swath of events including stealing (and wrecking) a Ferrari, taking in a Cubs game, and dancing in a parade. Ferris is the rare High School kid in a movie that doesn't have any problems he overcomes. Other than avoiding the pursuit of his sister and principal, he is seemingly unflappable. It is the type of character you wish you were rather than the type you actually are. But then again, he keeps breaking the fourth wall, so in real life he may be institutionalized. Either way, he'll always be the Sausage King of Chicago (Abe Froman) to me. 9. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) I'm not a big Shakespeare fan. The dude used a lot of words I can't fully decipher just to say something boring like "What's up!" However, this movie, which takes "The Taming of the Shrew" into the 20th century, managed to make it approachable and appealing. I don't think that people in Shakespearean times had to attend High School, because it would have led to their mid-life crisis preceding receipt of their diploma, but you can get the sense of universal tribulations. It is a story that deals with love, and finding your place in the world, and being authentic. Plus, who doesn't love a young JGL, Julia Stiles, and Heath Ledger? What is there to hate? 10. Metal Lords (2022) A story about two friends who are social outcasts attempting to find their way in life and exercise their demons by playing metal music (even though they don't really have the skillset)? I'm in. I'm all the way in. This is a surprising sweet story featuring young love, the strife of adolescence, and heavy metal. I highly recommend it. 11. The Breakfast Club (1985) Don't, Don't, Don't, Don't, Don't you, forget about this movie. "The Breakfast Club" is a coming-of-age staple (classic John Hughes). It follows five kids who've been saddled with the unfathomable concept of Saturday detention. They have to spend the whole day together to write a 1000-word essay explaining "who they think they are." They all have very surface-level stereotypes but, throughout the film, we peel back layers like a parfait or an ogre to get to know them more. It is the pinnacle of High School drama, as these teens deal with living up to the expectations of others (including their own parents), their own identities, and being understood. It is powerful and iconic. [walks away with a fist in the air] 12. Better Off Dead (1985) "Better Off Dead" is weird in the best possible way. In the middle of the movie, the main character, Lane (a High Schooler played by John Cusack), day-dreams that he Frankensteins a burger to life and the burger proceeds to shred to Van Halen's "Everybody Wants Some." Lane gets fired from his fast-food job (ob-v). Other weird things include a Japanese drag racer doing a Howard Cosell impression every time he's onscreen, Lane's genius younger brother who launches a space shuttle from his bedroom during the end credits, and the insane meals that Lane's mom cooks (she can be seen at one point seasoning a pot with flailing tentacles sticking out the top). As far as the actual plot goes, it follows Lane as he gets dumped for a better skier and decides he either needs to win her back skiing or take his own life. It features such High School staples as getting over being dumped, getting bullied, finding a true connection with someone, and being resilient. Highly worth the watch if you get the chance (presently on HBO Max). They don't make movies this goofy anymore. Final Thoughts We all had to traverse the halls of High School. Sometimes we like knowing we're not alone and sometimes, especially with the interval of time, we can gain perspective on our own experiences. I'm sure your experiences were different from mine so your list may very well differ too. Please let me know in the comments if I left any of your favorites off the list. I have included a handful that just missed my list below. Thanks! Dead Poet's Society (1989) Donnie Darko (2001) Easy A (2010) Chronicle (2012) Election (1999) Mr. Holland's Opus (1995) Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Clueless (1995)
- Top 11 TV Shows Canceled After Fewer Than 3 Seasons
By CJ Tiernan TV shows are so much fun to watch and rewatch. You get an opportunity to really spend time with the characters and become immersed in the world. It can be pretty devastating when you come to find that your time in that world is cut short or the peril your favorite characters were placed in never gets resolved. This is a list of my favorite TV shows that never made it to season 3. 1. Better Off Ted (2009-2010) Breaking the fourth wall is one of my favorite tropes in entertainment. When a character turns right to the audience to provide their insights or cut the tension it's delightful. And, when used well, it always gets me. In this show, the titular Ted is middle management at a huge company called Veridian Dynamics who keeps trying to convince us, the audience, that he isn't the bad guy when his boss (Portia de Rossi) foists him repeatedly into impossible spots. The company is so comically bottom-line driven that the humanity in the show is created by all the sympathetic characters charged with wild tasks, from being frozen alive to drugging a fellow employee surreptitiously and observing the results. Satirical and very funny. The research and development duo of Phil and Lem steal the show that tragically didn't make it to a third season. 2. Pushing Daisies (2007-2009) When it comes to world-building, this show is magical. It takes place in a fantastical world where a pie-maker (Lee Pace) has the ability to bring back the dead with a touch. The bummer is, once he brings them back, if he touches them again, they die and aren't revivable again. There is a narrator (the incomparable Jim Dale) and agoraphobic aunts (one has an eye patch) and a relentless Kristin Chenoweth. If you haven't seen it, check it out. It will only break your heart when it ends after only 2 seasons. 3. Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (2020-2021) I'm a sucker for a musical and a fun premise. This one checks both boxes. The titular Zoey accidentally develops the ability to gain insight into peoples deep and innermost thoughts and emotions. The way these innermost thoughts are expressed is a song-and-dance number that only she can see and hear. It's funny and dramatic and features Lauren Graham as her boss and Skylar Astin (Pitch Perfect) as both her friend and will they/won't they candidate. It only lasted 2 seasons, but they did create a satisfying Christmas movie conclusion. 4. A League of Their Own (2022) aitchisons from United States, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons This is a show based on the 1992 movie with the same title, which is, of course, based on the real life All American Girls Professional Baseball League born out of World War II. It is so good. They created new characters from the movie and you just fall in love with all of them. Well, the players, at least. The show takes place in 1943 and the women and people of color are treated how you'd expect people in that time to treat women trying to do a "man's job." The world they build feels so lived in and the struggles feel so real. This show only got one season. Its hopes of a season 2 were smashed by the WGA writers strike, but the one season we got is perfect. Plus it stars D'Arcy Carden, who frequently stole the show in "The Good Place" and absolutely crushes it here. 5a. American Vandal (2017-2018) This is a delightful mocumentary that plays it so straight, if Netflix had slid it in the documentary column, I'd imagine a lot of people would have missed the joke. The same thing happened to "This is Spinal Tap" on its initial theatrical release. "Vandal" got 2 seasons and each one followed a different incident at a high school. It very successfully lampoons the documentary style that exploded with the release of "Making a Murderer." Season 1 was better but both seasons are worth checking out. It's such perfectly crafted satire. 5b. Chernobyl (2019) "Chernobyl" only ran for 5 episodes. However, it ran as a miniseries so there was never any intention of extending it beyond one season. For that reason, it technically doesn't belong on this list of cancelled shows. The thing is, it's so stinkin' good I couldn't leave it off the list. It is perfectly crafted. It follows the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear disaster in the USSR. It is so intense to watch not only the brutal aftermath of a nuclear disaster from a cost-of-human-life perspective, but also the unscrupulous government leaders at play. To watch the government put a stranglehold on the flow of information feels disappointingly timeless. 5c. Dopesick (2021) This is another miniseries that doesn't technically count as cancelled. It was a Hulu original that ran for 8 episodes. It brings to light the opioid epidemic from a fascinating swath of perspectives. We get to follow doctors, pharmaceutical sales reps, Big Pharma head honchos, and drug addicts. It is a really devastating powerful tale and is based on the non-fiction book Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America . I highly recommend it. It is both compelling and educating. 6. The Flight Attendant (2020-2022) This show follows a flight attendant (Kaley Cuoco) who flies around the world. That could be fun, you think. Well it gets better. She is a bit reckless with day drinking and sleeping with strangers and ends up awaking next to a dead man with no idea as to the events that led to it. The show is a mystery/thriller, peeling back layers like an onion or an ogre. It is a really fun ride, especially the first season, and has some scene-stealing co-stars in Zosia Mamet and Rosie Perez. Alas, a third season couldn't find a seat on the plane. 7. Laid (2024) Speaking of Zosia Mamet, this is a TV show that stars Stephanie Hsu as a party planner and Zosia plays her best friend and roommate, AJ. The premise of the show is that all of the people Ruby (Hsu) has slept with are dying, one at a time, in close succession and in the order in which she slept with them. AJ makes a comically elaborate murder board to try to wrap her head around the situation. I'm tempted to avoid recommending this show because it was canceled after one season and they leave the situation unresolved. Then again, it's very funny. 8. Utopia (2020) The premier episode of this show is one of the greatest episodes of TV I've ever seen. It really sets the table with an awesome premise. There is a delicious amount of death and destruction. A group of comic book fans get their hands on a copy of a comic that proves to portend future events and cajoles them into the unenviable task of having to save the world. It features stars John Cusack and Rainn Wilson and starts with a bang but fades as it goes along. Still really fun and I highly recommend it. 9. Single Parents (2018-2020) The show follows a small group of single parents with pretty much nothing in common except their 7-year-olds. The show is so fun and the acting of the kids is terrific. It only lasted 2 seasons but I could have gone for more. Plus, it stars Taran Killam, Leighton Meester, and Brad Garrett. 10. The Mick (2017-2018) Kaitlin Olson stars as "Mickey," an unwilling long-term babysitter of her niece and nephews. She is a con man (con woman?) and largely unreliable and unsuited for the task at hand. Her charges are also rich kids and very privileged. It leads to some delightful clashes. The child actors in this show are fantastic and Olson is great in everything. 11. Trophy Wife (2013-2014) Bradley Whitford is good in everything. I love that guy. He plays a lawyer who gets re-re-married to a young woman. The show follows the woman (Malin Åkerman) and the interpersonal dynamics between her and the ex-wives and their children. It is a great comedy. Highly underrated and tragically cut short after a single season. The child actors in this show are phenomenal as well. Final Thoughts It's always crushing when a show you fall in love with has the plug pulled. Perhaps it's even a bit rude of me to be suggesting a bunch of shows that will only leave you wanting more, should you dare to dip your toes in the water. But I want to showcase some TV shows that I love, and that I feel got short shrift, so I had to share my list. It's totally possible that you have a completely different list. I'd love to see it! Below is a list of a few of the shows that just missed making my list and could help further activate yours. Beef (2023) Wandavision (2021) Trial & Error (2017-2018) Archive 81 (2022) Stumptown (2019-2020) Reaper (2007-2009) Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (2006-2007) The Night Of (2016) No Tomorrow (2016-2017) The Good Guys (2010) Persons Unknown (2010) Galavant (2015-2016) Dilbert (1999-2000)
- Top 11 Christmas Carols
By CJ Tiernan The delineation I am making here between a Christmas song and a Christmas carol is the content of the song. Carols are religious and often based around the birth of Jesus while Christmas songs are the secular side of the equation and don't carry the religious weight of a carol. I am ranking both and you can read my Top 11 Christmas Songs List here . Without further ado, I present my Top 11 favorite Christmas Carols that I've ever heard. Me, Dressed as a Sheppard recreating a reading from church for my grandparents, December 2003 1. O Holy Night O Holy Night is easily my favorite Christmas carol. I have this song by like 20 different artists on my Christmas songs playlist. The cool thing about this song is it allows the talent of a great singer to shine through. It is a dynamic song that can showcase some range. The "O night divine" lines at the end: goosebumps! 2. Carol of the Bells Mannheim Steamroller probably perfected this song. There version is so great and is performed essentially without lyrics (there are some words that are more like vocal effects). When I sang this one in choir in Junior High, I was surprised to find there were lyrics. My favorite part about this song is the drama and tension. There is an energy that drives the song and conjures a charming cacophony (in a good way). 3. Mary, Did You Know? I first heard this song by the band Pentatonix . Years later, I would come to find that they covered the song and it wasn't originally theirs. As has happened so many times in music before, they didn't write it but they did perfect it. This song is heartwarming and beautiful. I've heard it done well before as a solo piece as well. 4. O Come All Ye Faithful I remember singing this one in church. This one has big "Christmas morning" vibes. Listening to a bunch of people sing this one is really satisfying. I also enjoy getting to use the word "Ye." It feels very pirate. Who doesn't love the juxtaposition of a pirate Christmas? 5. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing My favorite thing on this song is the elements of a call and response. It feels like the type of song where one side of the room sings and then the other side responds. It is a very cool effect. It is also a joyous, upbeat song, which is always my favorite flavor of song. 6. What Child Is This This is a slower song than I'm typically into, but I really enjoy the lullaby quality of it. What Child Is This is crafted in such a way it almost seems like a lullaby being sung to J-sauce himself in the manger. However, when we get to that chorus, oh baby you can really belt it. 7. Joy to the World John Mulaney has a great stand-up bit about "the best meal he ever had" in which he jokes about Tom Jones' What's New Pussycat starting subtly. I feel the same would apply here. Joy to the World starts with a triumphant chorus of "Joy to the World." It is wonderful and impactful. I, however, never remember any of the lyrics after the first verse. Does anyone? 8. God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen The beat of this song is like the time in English class when we had to learn about Emily Dickinson (gross!) and iambic pentameter. "Because I could not stop for death it kindly stopped for me." It's very up, down, up, down. I like it (the song, not Emily Dickinson). Singing this song is like riding a vocal roller coaster (Vocal Roller Coaster: dibs on that as my band name). 9. The First Noël Noël is French for Christmas. So this song is singing about the first Christmas (a.k.a. the birth of Christ). I like that it doesn't follow Joesph and Mary but rather the wise men. We also get images of Shepards and angels to really paint the scene. It is a very visual song. 10. O Come, O Come Emmanuel This song is fun because it has Gregorian chant vibes. It seems to ape the tenor of the Kyrie prayer during the service. I really enjoy the energy of the refrain. I do, however, question the decision to rhyme Emmanuel with Israel. Did they think we wouldn't notice? 11. Angels We Have Heard on High Angels are a fascinating piece of religious imagery. It's already a struggle to have faith and your solve is to add in flying characters? [Tony Romo voice] "I don't know, Jim." The chorus of this one is marvelous, though. "Gloria in excelsis Deo." For one, never enough opportunities to speak a dead language. You gotta take those ops whenever they pop up. Second, it's a real treat to hold the line on a single word for so long. "Gloria" is sung, if my math is right, for 18 notes. How fun is that? It reminds me of the time I went to see Weird Al in concert at an outdoor stage (I didn't have a ticket, I just stood outside the venue for the last couple of songs) and a train drove by while he was singing "The Saga Begins" and he simply held the note until the train went by. The train was right behind me so it felt like Weird Al was looking right at me. What a moment. Anyway, Angels We Have Heard on High = good! 12. Do You Hear What I Hear? Okay. I messed up. I originally wrote this list and forgot number 3: Mary, Did You Know? As a result, I had to shift the rest down. Please enjoy the presence of the rare 12th item on my Top 11 list. The chorus of this song is so beautiful musically. It is fun because it is different lyrics every time, only the music remains the same. Even the line that constitutes the title of the song changes from "do you hear what I hear?" to "do you see what I see?" to "do you know what I know?" to finally "Listen to what I say." It is very cool Final Thoughts I'm not an overly religious person but with Christmas as my favorite holiday, I can't escape the carols. In fact, I love me the carols! There are so many great and beautiful ones. Whether singing them as a congregation in a church, door to door as a caroler, or to yourself as you bring in the groceries, it is a real pleasure to both hear and sing these songs. I love them and I hope you do too. If you have some favorite Christmas carols that I left off my list, please let me know in the comments. Thank you and Merry Christmas!
- Top 11 Christmas Songs
By CJ Tiernan This will be a list of Christmas Songs that skew more toward the secular side of Christmas or don't qualify as Christmas Carols. I also tried to choose only songs by the original artist, as there have been countless covers of the best Christmas songs over the years. I have a separate list for Christmas Carols, which you can view by clicking here . There was also an effort made to reduce the number of repeat artists, as my taste in Christmas music is relegated largely to the eclectic mix of Pentatonix, Alabama Christmas (I'm not a big country music guy, but this album is steeped in childhood nostalgia for me), and TSO (Trans-Siberian Orchestra). I love Christmas music and I've heard the same songs over and over for years and years and never tie of them. I also enjoy it when I encounter a new one. Christmas music is unmistakable, as there is an air of magic to it. Below is a list of my Top 11 favorite Christmas Songs I've ever heard. Me and my two youngest siblings performing see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, December 2001 1. Wizards in Winter - Trans-Siberian Orchestra Christmas doesn't usually walk hand in hand with hard rock. As someone who enjoys hard rock, I'd declare that a shame. Nevertheless, TSO stepped out of the shadows, said "Hold my beer," and made this head-banging Christmas classic. It is rare for me to encounter a song without lyrics that I really enjoy. I like to belt along from the mountain tops when listening to a song. A song without lyrics? What is this, Bach? But, it works so well. It is both heavy and yet feels Christmasy. Impressive. 2. Santa Claus (I Still Believe in You) - Alabama I don't really enjoy country music. There are certain songs that have poked through the denim veneer and made it to me over the years, but they are few and far between. However, I love the Alabama Christmas album. It takes me back to my youth, as a kid in the backseat of the van on our way to Disney World (driving from Iowa to Florida) in the middle of the night. Plus, there is a lyric my siblings and I like to quote. "...and grandma and grandpa, just lookin' young, and lovin' life..." 3. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - Thurl Ravenscroft This movie is a classic and this song has stood the test of time as well. There are so many vivid, hideous images conjured from this song. "Arsenic sauce," "39-and-a-half foot pole," and "you have termites in your smile." It is so cool that one can simply sing along to this song just as they would Frosty the Snowman. What a world we live in. 4. The 12 Days of Christmas - Straight No Chaser This song is a comedic Christmas medley. It mixes in classics like Rudolph, The 12 Days of Christmas, Jingle Bells, even The Dreidel Song takes a quick step into the spotlight. Then it goes off the rails. It ends to the tune of Africa by Toto. It is very funny, a great way to touch upon a bunch of Christmas Classics in short succession, and highly worthy of your time. 5. Christmas Eve / Sarajevo 12/24 - Trans-Siberian Orchestra This song is largely a mashup of two Christmas carols: Carol of the Bells and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen . And yet, I'm putting it on my Christmas Songs list because it works so well and is so beautiful as a song I simply couldn't bring myself to leave it off. It is a softer song than Wizards in Winter but no less musically wondrous. 6. Believe - Josh Groban From the 2004 film Polar Express , we have this lovely ditty from the golden pipes of Josh Groban. Belief and faith, much as is the case in religion, is a big theme in the secular Christmas involving Santa Claus. Believe is a lovely encapsulation of the movie's message of recapturing a childlike sense of wonder and hope. 7. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee This song contains fun noises. There is some rockin' saxophone going on here. The fact that Brenda Lee was only 13 years old when she recorded this song is bananas. There is a level of rasp that I would've assumed is only generated from decades of chain-smoking (she must have started young). This song has so much energy. It's the one used in Home Alone when our boy Kev is moving Michael Jordan around the Christmas tree. 8. It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Andy Williams It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year is my mom's favorite Christmas song. It's not hard to tell why. The joyful horns and chimes that lead into the start of the song get you in the holiday spirit right off the bat. Plus, Andy Williams offers a voice that works well for the situation. It also sounds like it would work well as the disembodied voice on a game show. 9. That's Christmas to Me - Pentatonix Pentatonix has about 50 songs that I love and considered putting on this list. I was trying to restrict the list to original songs (and already kinda failed twice) so this is my favorite original by them. That beings said, Mary, Did You Know? , Hallelujah , and Carol of the Bells are all unbelievable covers. Harmony and vocal percussion are two awesome musical weapons that Pentatonix has under such complete control they need a license to carry when they go on tour. 10. A Candle in the Window - Alabama So many country songs strike me as songs that were titled first, and then written around the pun in the title. It tends to be that one-note effort that pushes me away from country (along with superfluous twang). Therefore, I feel a little sheepish in celebrating this song, as it appears to have simply added an "ow" to the end of a famous Elton John song (and an "A" at the beginning). But no, I feel it delivers a powerful and universal message. The line "It don't take a lot of money, to know what riches are. Just a candle in the window, and Christmas in your heart" is a perfect message and I don't tire of listening to it (or warbling through it myself). 11. Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses The '80s were a wild time. I turned 2 years old in 1990 so I don't have any first hand memories of the '80s, only the glowing relics that pop culture has clung to and idolized. Through the music of the '80s, however, we are gifted a glimpse of the past. What a time to be alive it must have been. In a time when Perry Como and Dean Martin ditties weren't yet classics, we got this Christmas gift of a song. A New Wave song about Christmas that is part '80s pop, part Rom Com. What's not to love? Final Thoughts My current Christmas playlist has 194 songs in it. As such, it was tremendously difficult to pare down to 11. I will leave a list of a few songs that just missed the cut down below, but please set me straight in the comments if I missed your favorite one. I love Christmas so much. Getting to spend time with loved ones is simply a joyous gift every single year. I hope your Christmas is merry and your News Years is bright and filled with hope and love. Thanks! Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - Darlene Love You Make It Feel Like Christmas - Gwen Stefani Candy Cane Lane - Sia Thistlehair The Christmas Bear - Alabama Christmas in Dixie - Alabama Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer - Gene Autry All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas - Perry Como & The Fontane Sisters
- Top 11 Christmas Movies
By CJ Tiernan Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. If you're in the midwest like me, you experience cold, snowy days imploring you to while away your hours indoors by the fire with a mug of cocoa in hand watching Christmas movies. Nearly every Christmas movie has its foundation built from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol . One of the main characters has a change of heart at the end and discovers the true meaning of Christmas and basic human decency. My dad likes to just turn to everyone when the change of heart moment happens and say "Dickens." Below is a list of my Top 11 Christmas Movies of all time (with a couple extras thrown in to placate controversy). My Siblings and I ready to watch a Christmas movie, Christmas Eve 2014 1a. Die Hard (1988) This is my list and I believe that this movie is a Christmas movie. Arguments against this stance are basically constructed with two facts. 1) There is no Dickens-esque turn of a character going from bad to good (Spoiler Alert: the bad guy gets his comeuppance). 2) The movie was released in July as an action movie. That's really it. I feel that Die Hard is a Christmas movie because it takes place ENTIRELY during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Furthermore, Christmas is essential to the plot, as the only reason the people in the building who are taken hostage are there so late in the evening is due to an office Christmas party. References like "ho ho ho. Now I have a machine gun" are not necessarily damning evidence but still a feather in the cap (if the movie is set during Arbor Day, you don't get that delicious quip). Also, the movie has a happy ending. The separated Holly and John McClane leave in the limo together and she makes note of using his last name again. Finally, a Christmas movie is the only place you can get away with naming a character after a pattern on a sweater (limo driver Argyle). 1b. Elf (2003) This movie is not only a must-watch every year, it is endlessly quotable. "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear." "Santa! I know him!" "You sit on a throne of lies and smell like beef and cheese." "Bye, Buddy. Hope you find your dad." I could go on and on. Will Ferrell did such a great job of going all-in with this character. James Caan was also great as the miserly character with a change of heart at the end (Dickens). The costume is iconic and the casting is tremendous. I love this one. 2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) Dr. Seuss churned out some bangers in his day. The Lorax , The Cat in the Hat , Green Eggs and Ham , and Horton Hears a Who , to name a few. None have the staying power in our consciousness like The Grinch. In this version, we get a much more fleshed out story and world. Even though it is shot practically in the real world instead of animated, it maintains the uneven lines and structural integrity concerns of Seuss' original animation. Jim Carrey is fantastic as the title character. This is my favorite Ron Howard movie and is handled with such charm and innocence. Dr. Seuss seems to operate with his own brand of physics in his worlds and I simply can't get enough. The makeup process for Jim Carrey to get into costume was apparently so arduous that he had to work with someone whose job is to train CIA members how to withstand and cope with torture. Seems like he should have won an Oscar for his ability to become nice at the end after enduring all that (Dickens). 3a. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) The idea of a mashup between Christmas and Halloween is brilliant. It also makes perfect sense it came from the mind of Tim Burton. Tim Burton has a Midas touch, but instead of turning things into gold, he turns them into Halloween. While the world of the film makes this movie feel a lot more like a Halloween movie than a Christmas movie, it's hard to avoid calling it a Christmas movie. I mean, the word Christmas is right there in the title. It'd be like questioning whether Independence Day is a movie you watch on July 4th. To not have my highest ranked stop-motion animated Christmas movie be a Rankin and Bass production may seem untenable but don't worry, there'll be a couple before the list is over. Also, who doesn't need some of this wonderful music in their lives? You're going to tell me that a musical written by Danny ELF man doesn't belong on Christmas? 3b. Klaus (2019) The animation in this movie is stunningly beautiful. Klaus is the most recent release on my list. It is a Netflix original movie featuring the vocal talents of Jason Schwartzman, J. K. Simmons, Rashida Jones, Norm Macdonald, and Joan Cusack. The small town of Smeerensburg is divided into two factions that hate each other simply because they've always hated each other. It is a cold, frozen landscape of a city in the middle of nowhere. A lazy, selfish postman is sent there by his father to grow up. The postman befriends a recluse named Klaus that used to be a toy maker. The factions of the small town eventually make up (Dickens), the postman learns to love being there (Dickens), and Klaus is painted as the origin of Santa Claus. I love this movie so much. 4. The Santa Clause (1994) When this movie came out, Tim Allen had the #1 movie at the box office ( The Santa Clause ), the #1 show on TV ( Home Improvement ), and the #1 book in America ( Don't Stand to Close to a Naked Man ) all in the same week. That's a good week. Interestingly, it was also the same year that Jim Carrey had three of his biggest movies in the same year with The Mask , Dumb & Dumber , and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective . 1994: what a year to be alive! In the Santa Clause (which incidentally led me to misspell Santa Claus for years because I didn't catch the pun in the title), Tim Allen is a corporate man, divorced with a child, who seems a little self-centered. He then accidentally kills Santa by scaring him while on the roof, causing him to fall. He then becomes the new Santa simply by wearing the outfit. He goes along kicking and screaming at first, but has a change of heart (Dickens) and embraces it at the end. It's a great movie and gave us the moment where a sweater-wearing Judge Reinhold wistfully says "a weenie whistle." 5. Trading Places (1983) Starring Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, and Jamie Lee Curtis, this is a comedy for all time. Randolph and Mortimer, two brothers with nasty wealth, engage in an equally nasty bet by wagering a dollar on the nature vs. nurture debate between two people with different socio-economic backgrounds. Louis Winthorpe III (Aykroyd) is framed for a crime, fired, and has his assets frozen, while Billy Ray Valentine (Murphy) goes from living on the street and then imprisoned, to essentially being granted Winthorpe's life as he is given his house and old job. Once the two become aware of exactly what was done to them, they come up with their own scheme to get back at the brothers involving the stock market. It is a very satisfying movie ending with the Brothers Duke destitute and on the street just like Valentine was at the beginning, while he and Winthorpe and Jamie Lee Curtis' Ophelia and the butler of the manor live it up with newfound wealth. The story takes place during Christmas and New Years, aiding in its presence as a Christmas movie. 6. Christmas Vacation (1989) I don't know how many times I've seen this movie but I know it's a lot and I know that I seem to find something new every time. It is a hilarious movie about hosting family for the holidays. Chevy Chase is a physical comedy master and Beverly D'Angelo practically invented the Jim Halpert face in the Vacation movies. It's a series of unfortunate events during Christmas time with only the best of intentions being foiled at every turn. Speaking of turns, the grumpy old boss (played by Bill Murray's brother, Brian Doyle-Murray) that skimps on the Christmas bonuses has a change of heart at the end (Dickens) after being kidnapped by Cousin Eddy. 7. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (1970) Nothing beats the classic stop-motion animation of these old holiday specials (says the guy with eight movies ranked higher). They have such a sweet, charming soul to them. The movement and aesthetic is incomparable. They're musical and have fun character names like Heat Miser and Burgermeister Meisterburger just feel so timeless. I simply can't get enough. The sequel ( The Year Without a Santa Claus ) didn't quite make my list but is also fantastic. 8. The Polar Express (2004) The Polar Express is not the only visually unique book to be adapted into a great movie on my list (see my 2 different entries of How the Grinch Stole Christmas or check the origin story on Rudolph ) but it was done in a really unique way. Robert Zemeckis (he of Back to the Future and Forrest Gump fame) did this thing with performance capture. Tom Hanks goes full Nutty Professor and plays a ton of different characters. Kids climb aboard a train in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve and travel to the North Pole aboard the titular train to see Santa and rock out to Steven Tyler. It's a fun story with great music and the conductor challenges various children to resolve their foibles which, over the course of their journey to and experiences at the North Pole, they do (Dickens). 9. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966) This movie is old. One benefit of that: it's short. This movie is only 26 minutes long. I have found myself sitting in a chair doing and thinking nothing for longer stretches than that (normalize spacing out!). You can practically get in and out during halftime of a college football game. I love the voice work in this one. Boris Karloff plays the titular bad guy (typecasting alert) and the equally sinister named Thurl Ravenscroft provides the singing voice. The animation during the montage where The Grinch steals the toys and he is moving through homes in such unnatural ways is my favorite. He tip toes, he slithers like a snake, he even showcases his pool skills. While I liked the Jim Carrey version better, it's a close call and without this movie, we wouldn't have "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" which is a holiday banger with lines like "I wouldn't touch you with a 39-and-a-half foot pole" (hooray for imperial units!) and "You're a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce." Clearly, they got the O.G., Dr. Seuss to write the lyrics. Good choice. I love the end when it shows the heart grow "three sizes that day" (Dickens) and it breaks the X-ray machine. 10. Home Alone (1990) As a kid, I was impacted by this movie. All of the sudden, I became aware of the possibility for intruders. Up until then, I was under the impression that everything was fine in the world, people kept to themselves, and no one would attack a child. After watching this movie, well, I tried to make traps. I went through a LOT of yarn back in the day trying to make traps. I never became particularly adept at it but I, thankfully, also never actually needed to use one. The movie (and its sequel and threequel) are great, but this one is my favorite. It is quotable, frenetic, and Macaulay Culkin knocks it out of the park. I love it and it's bumbling villain duo, Marv and Harry. 11. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) Ho ho ho! Last but not least we have Rudolph. This misfit is ostracized due to a nasal malfunction. Kids can be so cruel. But, when this guy turns what makes him different into what makes him great, he becomes invaluable. Let that be a lesson to you all. What makes you different, makes you valuable. Embrace that. The movie is another stop-motion animated flick by Rankin/Bass Productions. They're the powerhouse behind Frosty the Snowman , Santa Claus is Coming to Town , and so much more. Christmas specials are a thing largely because of them. A quick hat-tip to those that came before. Thank you! Final Thoughts I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. I like to bake every year and dish out some cookies. You know what goes great with a cookie? A Christmas movie (and I guess a glass of milk. If you said glass of milk, you're not wrong). This was a list of my very favorite Christmas movies of all time that I've ever seen. I've seen a bunch so I'll leave a list down below of the movies that just missed my list. If you have some I didn't mention, please let me know in the comments section. Sorry to all who were hoping it would have more Hallmark Christmas movies. That's just not... my thing. I'm rooting for you if it's your thing, though. Thank you and, in the immortal words of Tiny Tim, "God bless us, everyone." Arthur Christmas (2011) Noelle (2019) Gremlins (1984) Mixed Nuts (1994) Jingle All the Way (1996) The Christmas Chronicles (2018) Dr. Seuss' The Grinch (2018) Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) Home Alone 3 (1997) The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) That Christmas (2024) Frosty the Snowman (1969) The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974)
- Top 11 Styx Songs
By CJ Tiernan Formed in Chicago in the early '70s, Styx is an American rock band with maximum style. They deliver positive vibes and hope through the power of sound. Comprised of original members Dennis DeYoung, James "J.Y." Young (no relation), John "J.C." Curulewski, Chuck Panozzo, and John Panozzo (brothers), these guys rocked through the '70s and '80s with long hair and musical attitude (Tommy Shaw would go on to shred in place of J.C. by 1976). I love Styx. They are my go to pick-me-up band and my favorite musical artist of all time not named Weird Al. They are the kings of the power ballad. Below is a list of my Top 11 favorite Songs by Styx I've ever heard. Ralph Arvesen, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons 1. Come Sail Away (1977) - The Grand Illusion This is a gateway Styx song. It was the one that got me hooked. In the summer of 2005, my family went on a cruise that was a big family thing courtesy of our grandparents. It was awesome. It was also the genesis of my dad going out and purchasing their Greatest Hits CD so he could blast Come Sail Away from the car as we drove to the airport. It was a game changing moment for me. I obviously have a very happy memory associated with this song but, beyond that, I listened to the whole album (and burned it onto my iPod - what a time). I couldn't get enough and it was all thanks to this song. This song literally has the phrase "a song of hope" tucked in among its lyrics. What more do you need to know? 2. Blue Collar Man (Long Nights) (1978) - Pieces of Eight A lot of Styx songs will start soft and then crescendo to epic heights. Not so with Blue Collar Man . It proffers a delicious, power-chord laden synth part right out of the starting blocks. It's game on from there. 3. Renegade (1978) - Pieces of Eight In the Steel City, the Pittsburgh Steelers play this song to rally the defense in the second half. Mike Tomlin took over in 2007 and has never had a losing season. The Steelers started the tradition just a handful of year prior. I don't want to be the guy that confuses a causal relationship with a correlation but, c'mon, you do the math. Styx brings energy with basically every song but this one has a short preamble and then a literal scream to kick the heavy stuff into gear. 4. Rockin' the Paradise (1981) - Paradise Theatre Speaking of energy and shouting, this song starts with a shout. I feel like the drums really drive the energy of this song. This also has some weird and random energy. At one point, you can hear someone shout "mashed potato" (which I think is a dance). The harmony on the refrain is fantastic. 5. The Best of Times (1981) - Paradise Theatre This song has my favorite harmony of any Styx song. You crank the volume up in the car or the headphones when that refrain trumpets in and it slaps you in the face with unbridled glory and majesty. Styx songs are both rock and roll and sweet and tender, which I feel is an unsung part of their operation. They don't just melt faces (although Tommy Shaw and JY will NOT hesitate to melt your face), they tickle you right in the ventricles. It's like reading poetry to an arena full of crazed fans. 6. Crystal Ball (1976) - Crystal Ball Here we once again experience the ebb and flow of the magical Styx formula. It starts and ends softer, and then puts the fasten seatbelt sign on for the chorus. This is the biggest hit from the album (clearly they knew it was coming, they named the album after it). It is also the first album in which Tommy Shaw entered the fold. He wrote this song on his first go with the band. Dude's got chops. 7. Show Me the Way (1990) - Edge of the Century This song peaked on the charts in the top 5 on the Billboard rankings. It placed Styx in unique company as a band that had a top 5 single in three different decades ('70s, '80s, and '90s). This song stands as testament to both the greatness of Styx and their longevity. It's also a hauntingly beautiful song with which I can't help but to sing along. It is a song about keeping faith in a "world so filled with hatred." Fun fact: it is both number 7 on my list and track number 7 on their greatest hits album (sorry, that may have been a waste of the word "fun"). 8. Suite Madame Blue (1975) - Equinox You savvy musical maven, you. I know you're hip to all the scoops of musical knowledge in the world because you opted to read this list about an epic rock band. Nevertheless, I will disclose a small crumb of musical knowledge because, quite frankly, I didn't know it and had to research it (read: Google). A "suite" in music is a small collection of distinct pieces, usually connected is some way tonally or thematically (a "suite" in a hotel, meanwhile, is sweet!). This is a term that dates back to before they invented Plymouth Rock. You can definitely feel why they called this song a "suite." There is a hard right turn about halfway through where they get all patriotic and it becomes almost a different song. It's fun! 9. Man in the Wilderness (1977) - The Grand Illusion The Grand Illusion album was the 7th Styx album and was released on 7-7-77. I find that delightful and satisfying and it was done intentionally for luck (the closest I have to a similar story is that on 06-06-06, I went on a Jack the Ripper walking tour in London - we didn't catch him). While Paradise Theatre slightly edged out this album for best selling Styx studio album of all time, The Grand Illusion is generally considered their best and most complete album. While the B-Side of Pieces of Eight contains four of my Top 12 favorite Styx songs of all time, I think the nameless, faceless "they" could be right. It has banger after banger. One of the bangers that didn't make the Greatest Hits album is this bad boy. Belting "sometimes I feel like a man in the wilderness" in the shower is more cathartic than any activity has a right to be. 10. Pieces of Eight (1978) - Pieces of Eight Pieces of Eight refer to the Spanish Dollar, a large silver coin of yore. They remain in the public consciousness courtesy of our love of pirates. They're famously pirate booty. Robert Louis Stevenson included them in his novel Treasure Island . Because they were large coins and valued by weight, they would often be sliced into smaller parts (usually 8 slices, like a pizza) to be more practical. 1/8th of a Spanish Dollar is a "Piece of Eight." Can you imagine us employing this strategy today? Aw man, the checkout line at Target would be anarchy. Anywho, the song is lovely. 11. Don't Let It End (1983) - Kilroy Was Here When I pop into my song app of choice on my phone and put Styx songs on random, this is the first one I play (the message in the song is clear: keep 'em coming). It is, as so many Styx songs are, a ballad filled with hope belted out by Dennis DeYoung. How did we get this far without name-dropping Dennis DeYoung. He was the face and spine of Styx for so long. He wrote by far the most songs for the band and is responsible for penning and lead singing 7 of their top 8 songs, according to the Billboard charts (Tommy Shaw's Too Much Time on My Hands was the lone exception). He has a unique vocal style (that I struggle to match whilst crooning in the car) and a flair for the theatric. His fingerprints are all over the band and it wouldn't be a thing without him. Final Thoughts Obviously, I love Styx. I've given you my elevator pitch on why they're fantastic. I hope you clicked the links to rock out to any of those songs you hadn't heard before or, if you knew them all already, rocked out to them again because they're phenomenal. Normally this thing just ends with me thanking you for reading this (genuinely, if you've gotten this far, I really appreciate it) and challenging you to call me out in the comments if you feel I've erred in some significant or noteworthy way. Not this time. We have a call to action, my friends. Styx, the band I love so much, needs your help. Even though they are eligible, Styx has not only not been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, they haven't even been nominated. That's disgusting. We're talking about a rock band that rode the airwaves with prog rock, soft rock, hard rock, and pop rock and haven't even gotten a whiff. That's a shame, man. It's borderline unforgivable. They were the first band to have four consecutive multi-platinum albums and have sold over 54 million records worldwide. Write your local congressman or start a petition. Why are you not mad about this? Get mad! This is an outrage that must be resolved posthaste. Good day.
- Top 11 Most Disturbing Movie Scenes
By CJ Tiernan Normally, I try to create lists to spread positivity in the world. "So shines a good deed in a weary world," if you will. I'm gonna level with you. You probably shouldn't read this list. If you haven't seen these movies, then there are spoilers ahead but, much more pressingly, these are moments in movies that live rent-free in my head. I have essentially compiled a list of things you shouldn't watch if you haven't already seen them. They are gross, graphic, and in almost every instance, involve serious bodily harm or death. There is even a death by suicide. In the immortal words of Andy Bernard (a.k.a. The Nard Dog) "steer clear, Big Tuna. Head for open waters." These scenes shook me to my core and, in many instances, appear so real I can't believe it was fake. The fact that they're all scenes in movies in which no animals were harmed is the thin saving grace to which I cling. Without further ado (and, again, RUN!) here is my list of the Top 11 Most Disturbing Scenes I've ever seen in a movie. WikiNerd97, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons 1. Midsommar (2019) - Cliff Jump Midsommar is the most disturbing movie I've ever seen. My top 2 most disturbing scenes transpire during the same 2 and a half-ish hour movie. The movie itself was fine. It falls somewhere in the middle of my all-time movie list. There are definitely entertaining elements. After watching it, I texted my friend who told me I had to watch it and simply told him "I hate you. What did you make me do." The first scene here is an old dude that, according to the culture of this weird Scandinavian cult, has to die because he's old. He walks to the top of a cliff and simply walks off the edge. The movie shows him landing in a disturbing pile of human parts. You waltz into a movie that is described as a "horror movie that takes place during daylight hours" and you don't know exactly what to expect. Hand up, I didn't expect this. 2. Midsommar (2019) - Asphyxiation As if the previous entry wasn't a big enough deal-breaker, we have a murder/suicide. A girl kills her parents and herself using some hoses, some duct tape, and the exhaust from a car. I can't begin to describe to you how difficult this is to watch. It is graphic and hits you in like the opening credits. You get a whiff of what's happening as soon as you see a fireman turning off a car in a garage, but the horror of following the hoses and actually seeing it, man there is just no preparation for that. Woof. 3. Saw 2 (2005) - Needle Pit There are currently 10 movies in the Saw franchise. That is a lot of body horror. I've only ever seen the first two (I actually saw the second Saw in theaters before I got around to watching the first one, which was better). A scene in the movie involves a character falling into a pit of hypodermic needles. While my number one fear is death, I almost feel this specific version of death is worse. I'm not a fan of needles. I do the whole flu shot thing for the good of the colony but I don't like it and I always look the other way and try to think happy thoughts. If the image of this movie ever pops into my head while I'm dropping in on the doctor, whelp, I'm probably just running away screaming and never coming back. 4. Ghost Ship (2002) - Mass Beheading It's been a long time since I saw Ghost Ship. I don't know if the CGI holds up. I do know that the movie starts with a party atop a cruise ship of some kind and something happens that leads to one of the wires snapping and whipping in such a way that it cuts through a mass of humanity. It beheads people left and right. The worst part (worse than dying?) is that there is one person left on the boat, a little girl, that was too short to get beheaded so she is left to mingle among the beheaded dead instead. [insert an involuntary shiver up the spine here] 5. Green Room (2015) - Broken Arm I've broken a bone before (I know, I know, I need to get this whole bragging thing under control) and I happen to know that it can be crazy painful and yet from the outside look like nothing is wrong. When I went to the hospital to get the X-ray to track down the broken bone(s) in my leg, they couldn't find it. They tortured me by moving my foot around instead of the X-ray thing and then went full Yukon Cornelius and said "nothing." They then whisked me away to get a CT Scan where they said something like "oh, yeah, it's super broken." In the movie Green Room, no need for an X-ray. The bone pops right on out of the skin like the chestburster from Alien and screams hello. You get a real nice gander at all the inner workings there. To quote Brian Regan "it seems like everything on my inside wants to be on my outside." Yuck! 6. Resident Evil (2002) - Lasers This is another one that I don't need to see again so I'm unclear if the CGI holds up. What I do know, is there is a scene where a group of people are trying to traverse a laser field. One guy doesn't duck and it gets him high. The next guy goes and the laser moves on him and gets him low. The third guy (I can't believe they cut this scene out of Goldilocks) is all kinds of ready to jump or duck. The ball is in the laser's court. Well, the laser, which apparently has advanced to Grandmaster-level Chess moves, spreads out in a grid pattern and buzzes through the guy, turning him into cubes. The man gets turned into cubes! I'm mean, no thanks. Hard pass. Not for me, dawg. 7. Hostel (2005) - Achilles Tendons Over the past few years, the Achilles tear has become the new ACL tear in sports. It seems like all the cool kids are doing it. Basketball and Football players are dropping like flies out there. The first time I ever encountered an Achilles issue, was when I saw this movie. The movie itself is meh. It's fine. But there is a scene toward the end where someone is tied up and tortured. His Achilles are cut off-screen. We see the movement and hear it but we don't actually see the cut. Then the man sets the victim free and we see as he tries to flee, he can't run or move. He drops to the floor. We see the separation at the back of the leg. It's icky. 8. 127 Hours (2010) - Arm Speaking of icky arms, I give you this movie. Now, you know what you're in for in this one when you sign up and sit down. Because it's based on a true story, we know what the ending is. But again, we see the inside of an arm. I'm not a surgeon. I don't need that in my life. I'll take your word for it. I'll believe you. I'm amenable. 9. Looper (2012) - Limbs Disappearing Looper has one of the wildest dismemberment scenes in the history of cinema. Due to the logic employed with time travel in the world of the movie, actions play out in real time for past and present alike. This leads to a wild scene where a man is being tortured and dismembered in the past and he starts to feel it in the present as parts of his body are just disappearing. It is such a morbid moment. To watch him driving and then walking as parts of him just suddenly cease to exist is wild. Again, don't watch! 10. Frozen (2010) - Broken Legs Extra warning here: if you go into this movie thinking you're watching the Disney animated one from 2013, you're gonna be very shocked. Both movies take place in the snow-covered mountains and that's where the similarity ends. In this movie, a group of three college kids go to a ski lodge on a weekend and convince the ski lift guy to let them go down the hill one more time. However, he leaves his post and tells the guy who takes over about the kids. Due to a mistaken identity, the kids are assumed to have come down the hill and the ski lift is stopped. It leaves the three kids stranded on the ski lift too high to drop down and the ski lodge wont open again until Friday (this is on a Sunday). It's a real problem. Well, one of the kids decides to drop as opposed to dying of hypothermia and breaks both legs on the landing. It's nasty and doesn't end well for him. 11. Minority Report (2002) - Moldy Sandwich This is the only moment on my list that doesn't involve death or life-threatening injury. It is, however, a terrifying and abhorrent scene. Tom Cruise is on the run and just had his eyes surgically swapped so that he can avoid being detected by Big Brother. He has to operate blind while he waits for the eyes to heal. He needs sustenance (as do we all) and pops into the fridge for a sandwich. However, he ends up with the wrong one (again, he's blind) and bites into this green, nasty, moldy sandwich. It gives me the willy's just thinking about it. I'm the guy in the house who is always throwing away the old bags of bread as soon as I see a trace of green. Sometimes, I just have a clock go off in my head (like a quarterback in the pocket) and eject on the bread before mold is even visible. Mold: not even once. Final Thoughts If you made it this far, thank you and I'm sorry. This is a wild list. I don't know why I made it. It just kind of feels like I said, "here are some horrible things I've seen that I think about sometimes. Won't you be my neighbor." Yikes! What a terrible move. Anyway, if I missed any of the disturbing things in movies that keep you from getting 40 clean winks, please let me know in the comments section. We can be forever unclean together. Thanks!
- Top 11 Video Game Franchises
By CJ Tiernan Video games have become so much more than a way to pass the time or a device over which to bond. People make money, have careers even, based around the playing of video games. Isn't it wonderful? I'm not actually particularly good at playing them, and as I get older I find myself distancing more and more from playing, but I sure do enjoy it. My favorite games are largely multiplayer games. I don't play many solo games anymore. I find a little voice in the back of my head nagging at me to be productive when I'm just playing games by myself so unless I'm like staying home sick or something, I don't usually fly solo. However, I do quite like to play with others. You'll find that my list is somewhat skewed toward my local multiplayer experiences. Since I first played Return Fire at my best friend's house in the mid-'90s on the original PlayStation, I've enjoyed the experience. I even played some games on my dad's old Intellivision back in the day. I say all this as a preamble to acknowledge that I have biases and experiences which have influenced my list in a way that will probably differ from yours. That's cool. You can enjoy my list anyway. Below is a list of my Top 11 favorite Video Game Franchises that I've ever played multiple games in. 1. Resident Evil Games Played in the Franchise: Resident Evil 2 (original and remake), Resident Evil 3 Remake, Resident Evil: Code - Veronica X, Resident Evil: Outbreak, Resident Evil 4 (original and remake), Resident Evil 5, Resident Evil 6, Resident Evil 7: Biohazard, Resident Evil 8: Village Original design by Capcom, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons Ah, my first love. There's nothing like it. I bought a used copy of Resident Evil 2 (It was two discs because you had to switch depending on whether you were playing as Leon or Claire) from Video Games Etc. for the original PlayStation after watching my friends older brother play it at his house. I loved not only the intense story, dramatic tension, and constant sense of dread, but also that my brothers enjoyed watching me play. It felt like we were playing together. Looking back on it, I don't know that one-player games are played with an audience like this anymore (I guess I could be way off on this. I know Twitch exists but I've never partaken). I went on to play almost all the games in the series except for the original one and even played multiple remakes. My youngest brother and I really bonded over these games and I absolutely love the addition of Mercenaries. It was added to Resident Evil 5 as multiplayer or co-op and that was the greatest addition ever. We played countless hours of Resident Evil 5 (Sheva Tribal!) and Resident Evil 6 on Mercenaries, trying to get an "S" on every iteration of characters. It was a brilliant add to bring multiple players into a world that had been a solo operation for so long. 2. Elder Scrolls Games Played in the Franchise: The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Bethesda Software, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons The Elder Scrolls games are simply amazing. They create such an elaborate and involved world it is unbelievable. You're dropped in a time of swords and armor and slowly develop the ability to survive and thrive by advancing various skill sets. There is also magic and mayhem afoot and you get to join or disavow various factions. The biggest bummer about these games is that you have to wait so long between releases. The masses are hungry for more! It is easy to tell why it takes so long, though. The worlds are unspeakably livable. It is as though Bethesda has copyrighted (copywritten? copywrote?) magic and they're holding it hostage. One day, my friends, we will get to Elder Scrolls VI. One day... 3. Fallout Games Played in the Franchise: Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas, Fallout 4 Pottero, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons This is another game wherein it feels as though we have to wait forever for the next installment. The aesthetic in these games is unbelievable. We are placed in a retro-future where the world was destroyed in an alternate past that had butler robots. C'mon, man. Why can't our past have butler robots? You get to play as a naive person who has been living in a vault and then traverse what is left of the world after nuclear annihilation. What's the deal with all this nuclear annihilation stuff? Do people with nukes not have some sort of auditor in charge of, like, making sure that people don't try and blow up the world. What's the benefit here? Once you launch a nuke and initiate the end of the world, you and everyone you know, and everyone you will ever know, are cooked. It's famously a bad move. The games, however, are famously great. 4. TimeSplitters Games Played in the Franchise: TimeSplitters 2 and TimeSplitters Future Perfect This is one of the entries on my list with the fewest total games. The 2 games I have played (which, not counting a new fan-released version just released for free online last month, consists of only 3 games) are simply incredible. Again, I mostly played this one in a multiplayer format. I grew up as the oldest of 5. I have 3 brothers and a sister. My sister wasn't huge into playing games, so that left me with 3 brothers. That, my friends, is the perfect number for some 4-player split-screen action. We played a lot of these two games. You had like a hundred different characters you could choose from, a delightful spread of maps and game modes, and some insane choices for weapons. You could also build your own multiplayer maps. Aw man, I used to love building maps for us to play at. You could use teleports and make the levels multiple-stories high. It was elaborate and so much fun. And weird. I liked how weird it was (you could play as someone whose head was a hand and someone who was dressed as a robot using cardboard boxes). 5. Rock Band Games Played in the Franchise: Rock Band, Rock Band 2, and Rock Band 3 Harmonix, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons Rock Band was a game changer. I'm not, nor have I ever really been (except for when I played the cello in elementary school), very musically inclined. I mean, I like listening to music but I do so without a discerning ear. I like what I like and I can't necessarily extrapolate much beyond that. Because of this game, you didn't have to be a super musician to play super music. What a deal! I have a brother who plays the guitar (who initially got into it because of this and Guitar Hero) and a brother that plays the drums. That left me and my youngest brother to duke it out for vocals and bass guitar (once we got a second guitar, I got bass, he got vocals - and the keyboard in Rock Band 3). You can even randomly generate your band name so you can end up with something like Mouth Lung or Bacon Legislature. We went and named our band Epistaxis (which is the medical term for a nose bleed), but we may have swapped out an "I" or two for a "Y" because, you know, we're cool. 6. Madden Games Played in the Franchise: Madden 97, Madden 2002-2007, Madden 2009-2010, Madden 2012, Madden 15-16, Madden 18-25 I remember the very first Madden game I ever bought had Dante Culpepper on the cover (names that make you smile, anyone?). The bottom of the disc was cool because it didn't have just the normal color silver on it, it was like blue or purple or something. It was neato Toledo. I first played at a friend's house on the Sega Genesis. I vividly remember having Edgar Bennett running up and down the field for my Green Bay Packers. Good times. Fun fact: during the infamous halftime show that featured Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson, and a wardrobe malfunction (I think you know the one), I missed it because I was playing Madden with a friend. We were trying to determine who would win. He rightly had his Patriots beat my Panthers. This game is such an ingrained part of the history of pro football during my lifetime. Not only is John Madden THE voice of football for so many, but it made football fun and accessible. Nowadays, countless players in the league actually play the game themselves. They get recognized when they play so well on the field that they earn the coveted "99 Overall" honor in the game. As for the curse, well, when's the last time you thought about Peyton Hillis? 7. Call of Duty Games Played in the Franchise: Call of Duty, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (original and remake), Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Activision, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons FPS (first person shooter) games are a staple of the video game world. From the first time I ever played Area 51 in an arcade (shoutout to movie theaters that used to harbor arcade games in their lobbies), I understood the appeal of the FPS. I don't condone taking a gun into the real world, but in a game, it's a blast (pun shamelessly intended!). My brothers and I spent countless hours at Terminal and Rust (Rust!) intermittently shooting at and hiding from one another. The levels were all seemingly designed with painstaking detail to ensure that I would always get sniped from a direction I wasn't looking. It was a real joy. The various weapon sets and perks and killstreaks and all sorts of infrastructure were perfectly manufactured and I simply didn't possess the skills to take advantage. But, game recognize game, it was a great series. 8. Ratchet & Clank Games Played in the Franchise: Ratchet & Clank (original and reboot/remake), Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando, Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal, and Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction How many games are crafted with more glee than these ones? They are kinda ridiculous and bear unbridled enthusiasm at every turn. I love me some Captain Qwark, and the enemies are hilarious, but how about the guns? You can turn your enemies into a chicken (or a duck or a sheep or a snowman or a penguin, depending on the game). The game play is simple, but you have to do multiple play-throughs to get all the various collectibles and to up your arsenal to the Ryno (or its many sequels). It is crazy fun, ultimately straightforward, and an audiovisual (dare I say multimedia) delight. 9. Twisted Metal Games Played in the Franchise: Twisted Metal, Twisted Metal 2, Twisted Metal III, Twisted Metal 4, and Twisted Metal: Black Violence is rarely this removed from a sense of impropriety. It was largely just cars shooting at other cars. You didn't really see human beings and therefore any sense of wrong doing was largely removed your mind. In fact, thanks to the unlimited special cheat code, I could be Spectre and just fire my magic missiles at the bad guys while driving around and not seeing anyone and win in the blink of an eye. That all changed with Twisted Metal: Black. Aw man, what a game! There was a character whose special ability was literally to fling a dude onto another persons car strapped with dynamite and blow up while clinging to the car. You got to see graphic backstories and knife-twists on wish fulfillment. It was crazy and chaotic and an absolute treat. It was one of the first games we got for our PS2 and it was a revolution. 10. Pokémon Games Played in the Franchise: Pokémon Blue, Pokémon Yellow, Pokémon Pinball, Pokémon Silver, Pokémon GO ArmenAir, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons I was mostly a PlayStation guy growing up but don't you think for one second I didn't have a GameBoy. Ooh, baby, I had an O.G. You remember those gray ones with the reddish purple buttons? Yep, I had one. I quite enjoyed it too until my brother took it, threw it in the air, and interrupted its natural, gravity-assisted arc with his head. The LCD screen cracked and it was a gooey mess. R.I.P. (my brother's head was fine by the way. Thanks for asking). After I got a replacement (an all black one with dark gray buttons), I was back to playing Tetris. I also got me some Pokémon Blue action. That was always the big thing: two versions of the game so you had to have friends and get different versions to be able to trade and complete your Pokédex. I didn't like that part because we had several Pokémon seemingly get stuck in the cord. The person who had it didn't have it anymore but the person who was supposed to receive it never got it. Flawed system. Other than that, though, the games were awesome. I've definitely spent more hours on Pokémon GO than any other Pokémon game, but I did absolutely love Silver and Pinball. The Pokémon Pinball cartridge had a spot where you could put a battery so that the device would shake. I think they called it a rumble pack. It was awesome! 11. Midnight Club Games Played in the Franchise: Midnight Club: Street Racing, Midnight Club II, Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition, Midnight Club: Los Angeles I think the first Midnight Club was our first ever PS2 game. Dude, what a fun ride. You progress through the ranks in the street-racing game, getting better and better cars along the way. It was always one of my favorite racing games ever (my favorite racing game ever is Burnout: Paradise. I have bought the game 4 times for 3 different consoles over the years. It is awesome but doesn't make my list because it's the only Burnout game I ever played) because it wasn't on a closed course. You were in among the common rabble. There was a chaos element with unsuspecting cars getting in the way and getting mad at you. Hilarious! (again, only within the context of the game. Not cool in the real world). In later editions, you could make real specific modifications to your car that affected not only the way it drove but the way it looked. Sick! While traditional racing games (Gran Turismo, Ridge Racer, etc.) seem to strive for authenticity, that's not what I'm looking for from a game. I want a game that gives me something that doesn't exist in the real world. That's the escapism we seek in a game. Final Thoughts Playing video games is so much fun. For me, it's always more fun with others. Lately, the games I've played the most with others is OverCooked and Rocket League. Those are fantastic games. Whatever you're playing, make sure you do it with great people and have fun. Don't be one of those toxic humans that says and does mean stuff to complete strangers online. Life is too short to harbor hate for any length of time. Be the love you want to see in the world. As always, if you feel my list has been botched in any significant way, please let me know in the comments. Thanks!
- Top 11 Magic Kingdom Rides at Disney World
By CJ Tiernan Magic Kingdom is known as "The Happiest Place on Earth" (step aside DMV). It is a magical wonderland full of child-like awe and impossible thrills. You get to enter a piece of history and nostalgia, a world from various Disney properties, and have an uncompromising blast with friends and family. I have everlasting memories of spending time in Disney World, as I was fortunate enough to return over and over again as a kid. The rides on this list are steeped in the joy I first experienced over 30 years ago. Without further ado, these are my Top 11 favorite Rides I've ever ridden in Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom. 1. Splash Mountain Myself, my Dad, and three of my siblings (plus two randos in the back), June 2004 The last time I was at Disney World was 2021. I have yet to experience the new version of this ride, modeled after The Princess and the Frog (which I also haven't seen). I am quite disappointed that it was changed, because it was one of my favorite rides in all of Disney World (you can clearly see I have it positioned as number one here on my list). It was weird and unique and the first thrill ride I ever rode as a child (that drop at the end is a treat). I'm bummed that I'll never get to ride it again, but I cling to and cherish the memory of all the times I did get to ride it. From catchy ear worms to joyous animated characters, the ride was a banger. It was also littered with animatronics, which tend to always be my favorite part of a Disney ride. 2. Pirates of the Caribbean "Drink up, me hearties yo ho" or, as I thought it was said as a kid "drink up, me hearty joe ho." This ride has pirates, adventure, looting, pillaging, plundering, and an assortment of memorable scenes. Who can forget the imprisoned men beckoning a dog with a bone to bring the keys. It has changed over the years. In conjunction with the release of the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie, they altered the ride to include Johnny Depp throughout as well as some cannon fire from Captain Barbossa. It's awesome! I love water rides (my top two rides in the park are two of the four water rides on my list) and while they lessen the maximum thrill, there is some tangible quality they lend to a ride that can't be faked. You can smell the water, and fell the boat rock and carom off of the guide rails. Disney magic, baby! 3. Haunted Mansion The first ride on my list was based on a movie, and now the next two have had multiple movies based on the ride. Disney clearly knows how to pick 'em. The ride vehicle on this one is fun and unique, serving as kinda like a high-back chair with a lap bar that can spin all around to orient you toward the particular ghoulish tableau you're meant to enjoy in the moment. It is a wild trip through not only a haunted mansion but a graveyard. This ride pulls out all the stops and even has a really fun pre-ride setup, with comical gravestones outside and an elevator that breaks your brain on the way to loading onto the ride vehicles. 4. Carousel of Progress I'd imagine this one is higher on my list than it is for most. At this point, I've seen this show probably a dozen times. The final scene has been altered a few times over the years in an attempt to keep up with the times, but the rest is perfectly unchanged (except for maybe some rerecorded dialogue). I love the idea that the audience spins around from scene to scene while the stages remain stationary. How wild is that? It is a simple story of a family growing and changing as technology advances. It changes seasons as it goes as well. It is simple and beautiful and I can't get enough. And again, it has animatronics! Yay! 5. Space Mountain For those of us in the non-astronaut camp (which, statistically speaking, is 99.999% of us), space travel is nothing more than a fantastical notion. The proverbial pipe dream, if you will. So, when Disney gives you the chance to traverse space without that pesky training and education bit, you take it. You wait in line, and you take it. You hop aboard their space toboggan and fly to the moon or the stars or whatever. It's awesome. 6. Peter Pan "And away we go! We're off to Never-Never land!" That's the opening line as you climb aboard your flying ship and set sail over London. It's incredible. You get to just spend the ride looking down and sailing over various scenes from the animated movie. It is such a cool concept. Very few rides have you tower over other things the whole way. It gives you the sense of flying because you are literally above the action. Giving kids a chance to fly is (to quote the Britons) bloody brilliant. 7. Seven Dwarfs Mine Train The Seven Dwarfs Mine Train was the newest attraction last time I was in Disney World. It is insane how smooth the ride is. They designed the vehicle in such a way that it's attached high on the bucket part that you're in to the part that rides the train tracks. This allows the bottom portion to swing freely, hinging at that top part. It is so wild how smooth the ride is; I can't even believe it. Now, I have beef with this ride. Not enough animatronics and way too many screens. If I wanted to watch TV, I could have stayed home. Disney, tighten up. Plus, the wait is really long and the ride didn't last nearly long enough. Oh, but that smooth ride. Chef's kiss. 8. It's a Small World This ride and The Carousel of Progress both debuted at the same World's Fair in 1964/1965. How crazy is that? Pepsi and UNICEF were actually the sponsors of It's a Small World at said World's Fair (C'mon, be honest: which of those two sponsors feels like the outlier?). It's a Small World is a delightful little water ride that features global cultures. It creates scenes so big and spectacular that you simply can't take it all in at once and you know that you're leaving that thing humming the song the rest of the day (week? month? year?). The Sherman Brothers (Robert and Richard) wrote the song for the ride. These guys also created the song for The Carousel of Progress (It's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow), Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and others for Mary Poppins, the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang song, One Little Spark for the Journey Into Imagination with Figment ride, and I Wan'na Be Like You from The Jungle Book, along with so many others. These guys are true wonders. Shoutout, Sherman Bros and shoutout to all the animatronics on the ride. Woo hoo! 9. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh While the fear of heffalumps and woozles can hit a little close to home for small children afraid of monsters under the bed, don't worry, the panic is over quickly. This ride may be simple and seemingly designed for kids, but I like it. The design features a moment when the ride vehicle bounces along like Tigger (very cool) and it also heavily incorporates visuals of the written material. I like this a lot because it's similar to the way the movies adapt the original source material from A.A. Milne The words on the page seem to come to life and help foster a sense of whimsy. The ride queue is also very elaborate and has fun things for kids to do. 10. Tomorrowland Transit Authority PeopleMover The idea of simply riding around in a loop is kinda the backbone of all rides. If you don't end up where you started, that not a ride, it's just a mode of transportation. The PeopleMover foregoes the idea of being a mode of transport and adds a fun wrinkle. You have to climb up a level to board the continuous moving vehicle. Then you just cruise around Tomorrowland. You get to peek in on Space Mountain and Buzz Lightyear, but you just kind of chill. At a theme park, you spend a lot of time standing around in line and then when you get to the ride, it's over too quick. This ride, and the Carousel of Progress, are two spots in Tomorrowland where you get some time to chill and just sit for a spell. It's nice. 11. Jungle Cruise Weird Al scribed a song about a hypothetical acting phenom who resorts to becoming a Tour Guide on this ride because it's the only job he can get. I gotta say, I respect the acting chops these guides seem to have. Yes, they tend to offer up hammy puns in the name of the entertainment game, but I love hammy puns. Put it in my veins! I'll never tire of seeing the backside of water (It's the Eighth Wonder of the World, doncha know?). Disney again knocks it out of the park with the animatronics. When you go to the zoo, you never know what kind of view you're going to get to see of the animals. "Where's the lion?" "Oh, he's sleeping in the back, come back again next year." Not a problem on this ride. The elephants are always bathing for your viewing pleasure. Traversing rivers in Asia, Africa, and South America all in under 10 minutes is a real treat. Go on, taste it. Final Thoughts Magic Kingdom, man. What a wonderful invention. It was the first of the 4 Disney parks to be built in Disney World. It is "The happiest place on Earth" for a reason. You can eat and drink to your hearts content, but nothing beats the rides. The magical excursions, steeped in hope and wonder, never fail to make me smile. I hope they did the same for you when you went there (or do if you've not yet had the pleasure). If you disagree with my list, please make sure to shove your gripes in the comment box below. Thanks!
- Top 11 Cars from Movies and TV
By CJ Tiernan We've all had a moment when watching a movie where we saw something that doesn't exist in our world and thought "aw man, I wish that was real." Whether it is a place, a person, or a thing, we've all had that desire. For me, it is often the mode of transportation the characters use. I just want for there to be flying cars already. C'mon, people. Let's make flying cars a thing. In lieu of that reality, we can simply appreciate all the cool stuff we see on screen (and be thankful for what we do have, I guess). Below is a list of my Top 11 favorite Cars that I can ever remember seeing in a movie or a TV show. 1. DeLorean - Back to the Future Me and the DeLorean at Universal Studios Orlando, July 2017 I can't decide if it's better or worse for Back to the Future that the DeLorean is a largely failed organization. I think the rarity of the car makes it even more singular. The gull wing doors, the flux-capacitor, the metal exterior all lead to an unbelievable aesthetic. Add in the fact that it can travel through time, and this car is the dopest of the dope. Doc Brown took a car known as a commercial flop and spun it into the greatest car in pop culture history. 2. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang John, CC BY-SA 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons This is another reclamation success story. Caractacus Potts (Dick Van Dyke) buys this hunk of junk off the side of the road or a junkyard or something and turns it in to a grand marvel of a car. It can fly and float on water and carries the Potts family to far away places. It's unique, foldable wings and facade as a former race car create such a unique look. Even though this movie came out in the '60s, I'd still sign up for this car today (except that I don't know how to drive a stick very well so I don't know if that would be a great idea). 3. Batmobile - Batman Ank Kumar, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons There are many to choose from here. You've got the heavily-modified 1955 Lincoln Futura Concept Car that Adam West and Burt Ward cruised around inside of during the TV show. The one from the Tim Burton movies that is like 90% front-end with just enough space in the back for a rocket engine and Michael Keaton. There's the Tumbler from the Christopher Nolan trilogy. And not to be out done, we have the muscle car from Robert Pattinson's The Batman. Regardless of which is your favorite (I'd go with the Tim Burton one for the look or the Tumbler for practicality) they are simply awesome. They have gadgets up the wazoo and they're built to go really fast. Sometimes they even fly, or at least fall with style, or turn into motorcycle. In a word: Iconic. 4. Mystery Machine - Scooby-Doo Lord Laitinen, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons The coolest van that has ever happened is the Mystery Machine. While we've all been conditioned to avoid suspicious vans and strangers with candy, this bad boy is grandfathered in on the good side. Four young adults and their dog solving mysteries uninvited is absolutely totally casual. Some might go so far as to call it the norm. How else do supernatural mysteries (that ultimately turn out to be a white guy with a makeup and wardrobe budget) even get solved? The meddling masters of the Mystery Machine, that's how (and a pup named Scooby-Doo). 5. Mach 5 - Speed Racer TaurusEmerald, CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons The Mach 5 is tricked out to the gills. It's like if all the fun things that got added to the vehicles in Pimp My Ride were practical and placed inside of an already functioning race car (and deployable at the press of a button). The title character (his name is actually Speed and his parents built the race car so one could genuinely argue he was built for speed) is attempting to win a race and is always up against some conniving organization or corrupt syndicate that is trying to rig the race and win by dirty tricks. As such, they justify using trinkets, doodads, and gadgets (like using jacks to jump over something or being able to become bullet proof or to turn the car into a submarine). They are defensive, not offensive, implements so I guess the cheating is okay. Plus, Speed's younger brother has a pet chimp and his older brother races under an alias so Speed is the chill one of the family. 6. The Magic School Bus - The Magic School Bus Ms. Frizzle's magical mode of moving kids is fantastic. It can be shrunk down small enough to traverse the inside of a human being or travel through time to bypass teaching and learn from the sources like Galileo and Einstein or just cruise the ocean floor checking on the coral. I'm now realizing that almost every single one of my favorite cars can also fly and survive travel through water. Seriously, when will they just make flying cars. I feel like the Jetsons promised us flying cars way back in the '60s and we're still waiting (FYI, because the flying car in the Jetsons never drives on land and only flies - and folds into a briefcase - I did not include it on my cars list and will wait to deploy it on a similar list for spacecraft). Write your local congresswoman, people. We've got to be the change we want to see in the world. Flying cars! Flying cars! 7. Light Cycle - Tron dalvenjah from USA, CC BY-SA 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons I'm a big advocate for people staying alive, so I'm not a huge fan of the destructive nature of the glowing trails left behind from a Light Cycle. They seem to be designed specifically to permanently erase data from the game (so when a human becomes digitized, it can be fatal). Other than that, these things are sick. They seem to go so fast and, at least in the sequels, are sleek and stylish. I am willing to accept a debate that a cycle is not a car, as a separate motorcycle license (and thus a separate trip to the DMV) is required to operate it. Feh. My list, my rules. 8. Ecto-1 - Ghostbusters mark6mauno, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons An ambulance/hearse is a unique choice for the go-to vehicle of supernatural-vanquishing superheroes but that's the '80s for ya. The '80s were weird, man. Also, the original script for the movie (written by Dan Aykroyd) was WAY more insane than the finished product and about 100 pages longer (still shorter than his first script for the Blues Brothers which was 324 pages long). Plus, it was called Ghost Smashers which is somehow even more sexual than the line from the theme song that says, and I'm quoting here, "busting makes me feel good." Anyway, the aesthetic of both the movie and the car is stupendously remarkable. 9. Bumblebee - Transformers Bumblebee and I at the Children's Museum of Indianapolis, August 2013 To be fair to the Michael Bay version of Bumblebee, those Camaros are quite lovely even when they aren't "robots in disguise." However, when they are, they're even cooler. I like the use of the radio as the method of communication. It's a fun quirk. Plus, as an Iowa Hawkeye fan, I love me that black and gold color scheme. Additionally, as it seems that Bumblebee ends up in charge of protecting a civilian all the time, it seems excellent that he's great at driving. Both Transformers (2007) and Bumblebee (2018) are in my Top 200 movies of all time so I am partial to those iterations. I didn't watch the show as a kid. I am aware that it was originally a VW Bug, though, so quite an upgrade in my humble opinion (IMHO). 10. Turtle Van - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Me with two of my siblings, Halloween 1993 (I'm the one on the right dressed as a Ninja Turtle) Speaking of watching TV shows as a kid (and strap in for an old reference here), my parents used to take me to Blockbuster Video to rent VHS copies of the late '80s TV show. It was wonderful. Leonardo was my guy. Apparently, in the original text (it was a comic book but I hold it such high regard I refer to it the same way one might refer to The Bible) they all had the same color headband and then when it became a show, they changed the titular ninjas's uniforms to be less uniform to sell toys. As my college professor once said, "No one wants to be sold anything, but people love to buy." Aw man, I had so many TMNT toys. I had a vehicle that had spiky rollers on the front that I fell on knee-first once and achieved scar status. But the best one was the van. Those heroes in a half shell had so much bulk they simply wouldn't fit in a standard car, so they went all out and invested in a van that was turtle-themed with cannons and various other armaments. So sick! I dressed up as Leonardo for Halloween a couple years in a row to show how big a fan I was (shout out to my mom who sewed the costume and pretty much made it up from scratch). 11. Foot-Pedaled Cars - The Flintstones Rob Bixby, CC BY 2.0 , via Wikimedia Commons While this one wouldn't necessarily be my favorite one to pilot, as it comes with a heavy helping of exercise, it is undoubtably iconic. This thing is like the grandfather of the steamroller. Two giant stone wheels span the width of the vehicle, no windshield so you can't get moving too fast, and powered by foot. Nevertheless, if it came with a side of living with dinosaurs, I 'd be 100% in. I mean, the Flintstones have a freakin' pet dinosaur (and they got so inventive with name they just used the first two syllables of dinosaur). When the car tips over courtesy of the brontosaurus ribs in the opening credits, I bet they had to recruit all of Bedrock to get that thing tipped back upright again. What a heavy beast. Final Thoughts I'm not anyone that will be mistaken for a gear head. I've changed a handful of tires in my day and my oil a few times but I'm no Marisa Tomei from My Cousin Vinny. I'm not the one you come to when you want to hear about Positraction (I don't even know if it is deserving of being capitalized, I'm simply attempting to show proper respect on the off chance it's due). But when I see a car that looks cool, or can do something a normal car can't, I sit up and take notice (and maybe point dramatically at the screen to recreate the Leonardo DiCaprio meme from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood). I like what I like and I can't always delve into it with much more detail than that. Good news for you: if I'm way off the reservation, you can let me know in the comments where I've led the flock astray. Thanks!











