By CJ Tiernan Back before we had our food hand delivered to our doorstep, we left our little homes and went and picked it up ourselves. But we didn’t completely encumber ourselves with the Sisyphean task of acquiring ready-to-eat snacks. Nope. We used the drive-thru (see also: drive-through). One simply placed their order from the comfort of their vehicle and moseyed around back to pick it up from a window carved in the side of a building. Pure, magisterial splendor. Since

By CJ Tiernan Consider this: statistically speaking, you will consume more meals off a table than any other piece of furniture. Did I just blow your mind or what? A table is both a landing pad for food, and serves as active, practical storage. Sometimes a table is for meals, other times it’s for laundry or gaming or beer pong. You could put a lamp on it or (back in the day, at least) a landline. Tables are everywhere and (outside of a Buffalo Bills tailgate) usually built t

By CJ Tiernan Soup or salad? Like being thrust into a game of Mortal Kombat, forced to choose your fighter, it is the question often foisted upon you at the outset of an evening out. I’m not a big warm liquids guy, so unless there is chili in the offing, I will usually opt for a salad. The problem is, the word salad covers a large swath of culinary options. There is a level of inconstancy. Sometimes the dressing is mixed in for you, other times you’re required to stir your

By CJ Tiernan Whether employed as a dipping sauce, or slathered atop a dish like special shampoo on a lice kid, the condiment is an essential piece on the cuisine game board. It can supplement, enhance, or straight-up drown-out the flavor of the food in question. I’m a big condiment guy. I’ve, uh, been known to apply liberally. I’m the guy at a restaurant who orders an extra side of sauce BEFORE the meal even comes because, c’mon son, one little container? Who do you think

By CJ Tiernan Since the beginning of time, bags of chips have served humanity as both loyal side dishes and munchies quenchers. They've walked hand in hand with cold sandwiches inside lunch boxes nationwide, presented splashes of color at picnics and barbecues, and waded through the cartoon-fueled waters of after-school snacks. They are crunchy and delightful and always welcome (except maybe inside a library. Shhhh!). While it can be difficult to select a bag of chips in the

By CJ Tiernan In honor of Thanksgiving this week, I have decided to create a list of my favorite American foods. These are foods that were invented here in the United States, as opposed to imported or transplanted. Some of these are next door neighbors to foods from other countries, but that's what makes America great. We are one big melting pot for global cultures. Nevertheless, it is fun to think there are some traditions that are inherent to this land (America. It's beauti