Top 11 Salads

By CJ Tiernan

Soup or salad? Like being thrust into Mortal Kombat, forced to choose your fighter, it is the question often foisted upon you at the outset of an evening out. I’m not a big warm liquids guy, so unless there is chili in the offing, I will usually opt for a salad. The problem is, the word salad covers a large swath of culinary options. There is a level of inconstancy. Sometimes the dressing is mixed in for you, other times you’re required to stir your own salad. So, I will simply be ranking the best version I’ve ever enjoyed of each salad type and letting that salad stand for its brethren (Salads: choose your champion!) Here is my list of the Top 11 Salads I’ve ever tasted. Enjoy!

1. Caesar Salad

Banej, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

This is the perfect salad choice at a restaurant. It’s simple, just some parmesan and Caesar dressing (don’t ask what’s in the Caesar dressing. Just accept that it’s delicious and keep on walking) mixed in with some romaine lettuce. Tossed to perfection and served on a chilled plate, a few bites of this and your boy is good. It is the rare time wherein I think, “do I like vegetables? Look at me go.” Then, of course, I snap pea back to reality and artichoke those thoughts down.

2. Caprese Salad

The beauty of the caprese salad is that no one party is complete control. You have tomato, mozzarella, and basil dancing in perfect concert while a gentle drizzle of balsamic glaze cascades from the heavens. Is this heaven? No, it’s an appetizer or a side dish.

3. Wedge Salad

My weapon of choice in this battle is the bleu cheese wedge. You take an entire head of lettuce, quarter it like your torturing William Wallace, and then sprinkle on some tomatoes, bleu cheese crumbles, bacon bits, bleu cheese dressing and our old friend the balsamic glaze. It’s an odd choice because then you just have a giant chunk that you have to slice like a steak, but man alive does it work. At its full height, it is the tallest of the salads (or maybe second behind #5 on my list).

4. Buffalo Chicken Salad

This is the second consecutive salad on my list to prominently feature bleu cheese. You know why? Because I love bleu cheese, that’s why. Double up on both the crumbles and the sauce and you are ready to party. Why is the cheese blue? How dare you ask questions you don’t want the answers to. You don’t ask what makes cheese blue and you don’t ask what’s in Caesar dressing. Show some respect.

5. Taco Salad

The taco salad is fun. It says, “I see that you’ve provided a bowl but, no thanks: I brought my own.” Housing the taco salad inside of a crispy, edible shell was a great invention. Soup has the bread bowl, ice cream has a waffle cone bowl, and now taco salad has the taco bowl. What we will make next? Is there a way to make an edible bowl for cereal? Someday, my friend. Someday.

6. Egg Salad

Oh ho! A curveball! Egg salad is rarely served on its own, often operating as a cracker topping or delivered via sandwich. If you like deviled eggs, you will likely enjoy the egg salad. It is largely hard-boiled eggs, mayo, and then flavors. Lots of wonderful flavors (plus mustard lurking in the shadows).

7. Potato Salad

The potato salad is the quintessential summer side dish. I have trouble picturing this side dish served without a side of sunshine. When it comes to the ingredients, the higher the ratio of eggs to mustard in your potato salad, the better it will be. I basically, pretty much guarantee that.

8. Macaroni Salad

Macaroni salad: the next-door neighbor of the potato salad and another wonderful summer side. It’s not mac and cheese, but it contains those fun little elbow macaroni noodles only it’s served cold. This salad may be higher on the list of it didn’t always come with celery chopped up in it. What’s with the celery? It had its day in the sun when we were in preschool and made ants on a log. It’s over now. Move on. No need for celery to exist anywhere ever again.

9. Cobb Salad

I know what you’re thinking: “Man, this guy loves eggs.” First of all, you’re absolutely right. They’re wonderful. Secondly, that’s only like a piece of what’s going on in the cobb salad. You’ve got tomatoes, bacon, bleu cheese, avocado, it’s basically a kitchen-sink salad. Fun fact: there’s a type of salad called the “garbage salad” that does indeed throw just about every available ingredient in there. Like, to the point you can barely find the lettuce. It could be good but I can’t bring myself to try anything with “garbage” in the name. I was barely able to watch the Tony Danza movie “The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon.” Unlike Schlotzsky’s Deli, it’s a funny name, but an unserious sandwich.

10. Fruit Salad

You can view my Top 11 Fruits for a more complete breakdown on the subject but, to sum it up: berries good, melons bad. If I could guarantee that only the good fruits came in a fruit salad, well then that’s an entirely different colored horse. Alas, when a fruit salad is issued, it is almost universally contaminated with watermelon, cantaloupe, or honeydew. But, when it’s not, it is pretty delicious.

11. Ambrosia Salad

Ambrosia: In Greek mythology it was the nectar of the gods, imbued with the power of immortality and youth. In the kitchen, it’s found in ‘50s and ‘60s editions of the Betty Crocker cookbooks, under the fruit salad tab. It’s kind of a dessert dish with whipped cream, marshmallows, pineapple, mandarin oranges, and maybe some nuts or coconut. It is (or was) a potluck staple. Its mere appearance now feels dated but it’s pretty good if you’re in the mood for some home cookin’.

Final Thoughts

After releasing my list to the masses, I am starting to question whether salad is actually healthy. I’m worried many of these entries are secretly harboring the sneaky-pickles equivalent of calories (sneaky pickles are when a restaurant puts pickles atop the bottom bun of a burger or sandwich and you don’t discover their presence visually, but rather orally. Yuck!). Maybe that’s why I like so many that I was able to put together a list of at least 11. If I missed any of your favorites, please let me know in the comments section. I’m always willing to listen to suggestions for something new to try (as long as it doesn’t have pickles). Thanks! Have a great day!