By CJ Tiernan Every single person has a name. It’s famously a common way of telling one another apart (along with finger prints, dental records, and whether you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob) and used to gather attention when shouted across a room. If it’s supposed to be a unique designation, why do we end up with so many people named John or Jack or Bort? Names, to make a long story short, need to be more adventurous. We need to normalize having names crazy enough that aski

By CJ Tiernan Back before we had our food hand delivered to our doorstep, we left our little homes and went and picked it up ourselves. But we didn’t completely encumber ourselves with the Sisyphean task of acquiring ready-to-eat snacks. Nope. We used the drive-thru (see also: drive-through). One simply placed their order from the comfort of their vehicle and moseyed around back to pick it up from a window carved in the side of a building. Pure, magisterial splendor. Since

By CJ Tiernan Soup or salad? Like being thrust into Mortal Kombat, forced to choose your fighter, it is the question often foisted upon you at the outset of an evening out. I’m not a big warm liquids guy, so unless there is chili in the offing, I will usually opt for a salad. The problem is, the word salad covers a large swath of culinary options. There is a level of inconstancy. Sometimes the dressing is mixed in for you, other times you’re required to stir your own salad.

By CJ Tiernan Whether employed as a dipping sauce, or slathered atop a dish like special shampoo on a lice kid, the condiment is an essential piece on the cuisine checkerboard. It can supplement, enhance, or straight-up drown-out the flavor of the food in question. I’m a big condiment guy. I’ve been known to apply liberally. I’m the guy at a restaurant who orders an extra side of sauce before the meal even comes because, c’mon son, one little container? Who do you think I a

By CJ Tiernan Since the beginning of time, bags of chips have served humanity as loyal side dishes. They've walked hand in hand with a cold sandwich inside a lunch box, presented a splash of color at picnics and barbecues, and waded through the cartoon-fueled waters of after-school snacks. They are crunchy and delightful and always welcome (except for maybe inside a library. Shhhh!). While it can be difficult to select a bag of chips in the grocery aisle due to sheer volume,

By CJ Tiernan In honor of Thanksgiving this week, I have decided to create a list of my favorite American foods. These are foods that were invented here in the United States, as opposed to imported or transplanted. Some of these are next door neighbors to foods from other countries, but that's what makes America great. We are one big melting pot for global cultures. Nevertheless, it is fun to think there are some traditions that are inherent to this land (America. It's beauti

By CJ Tiernan To quote Michael Scott: "Pizza. The great equalizer. Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza." Pizza is awesome and everyone that doesn't have some allergy to one of its ingredients, loves the stuff. Below I've crafted a quick list of my 11 favorite toppings on a pizza. 1. Pepperoni This one is the best and it is the most popular for a reason. It's weird because, unlike a lot of the other things on this li