By CJ Tiernan Back before we had our food hand delivered to our doorstep, we left our little homes and went and picked it up ourselves. But we didn’t completely encumber ourselves with the Sisyphean task of acquiring ready-to-eat snacks. Nope. We used the drive-thru (see also: drive-through). One simply placed their order from the comfort of their vehicle and moseyed around back to pick it up from a window carved in the side of a building. Pure, magisterial splendor. Since

By CJ Tiernan Consider this: statistically speaking, you will consume more meals whilst seated at a table than any other piece of furniture. Did I just blow your mind or what? A table is a landing pad for both food and active, practical storage. Sometimes it’s for meals, other times it’s for laundry or gaming. Sometimes you put a lamp on it or (back in the day, at least) a landline. Tables are everywhere and (outside of a Buffalo Bills tailgate) often built to stand the tes

By CJ Tiernan Soup or salad? Like being thrust into Mortal Kombat, forced to choose your fighter, it is the question often foisted upon you at the outset of an evening out. I’m not a big warm liquids guy, so unless there is chili in the offing, I will usually opt for a salad. The problem is, the word salad covers a large swath of culinary options. There is a level of inconstancy. Sometimes the dressing is mixed in for you, other times you’re required to stir your own salad.

By CJ Tiernan Whether employed as a dipping sauce, or slathered atop a dish like special shampoo on a lice kid, the condiment is an essential piece on the cuisine checkerboard. It can supplement, enhance, or straight-up drown-out the flavor of the food in question. I’m a big condiment guy. I’ve been known to apply liberally. I’m the guy at a restaurant who orders an extra side of sauce before the meal even comes because, c’mon son, one little container? Who do you think I a